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macquera · Mar 27, 2011, 08:03 AM

smoothy · Mar 27, 2011, 08:07 AM

Why? Not smart. Things change. Situations improve.

macquera · Mar 27, 2011, 08:13 AM

Hi,

I am just wondering if this is self harming behaviour at all? I have never thought I had an issue but now I work with people who self harm or are suicidal a lot. I actually cry when learning about this stuff and sometimes have to choke back tears when working with the people because I see so much potential in them.

I am 25 now but as a teen I used to bash my head against a wall repeatedly to get bruises, I would burn myself on hot road or touch a hit hair straightener (very occasionally). They would leav red marks and blister but would never scar. I would stab my leg with a pen but not deep- only the tip, so it would just bleed. I ended up with broken capillaries but no scars. I would also scrape my skin on my arms with a knife so it bled but was never a 'cut' and was never deep enough to scar. I would often go on 'quests' to suicide but would never actually do it. I was always too scared of how much I would hurt people or if I debilitated myself so much I lived but I couldn't do anything.

Anyway I stopped all that and at age 22 one night I had a few drinks and was frustrated and full og hate that I took 3 boxes of different otc sleeping pills and a box of painkillers with paracetamol and codeine. It was over 150 tabs altogether with 'depressant' qualities so I thought it would work! I also got a rope and tied it tightly around my neck so that my face turned purple, I went dizzy and passed out in bed. I woke up though the next morning. My blood vessels were all popped in my eyes and blood shot.

Was this just an attempt in vain or was that actually self harm or suicide? My intention at that point was to die. I was so depressed when I woke up! I wouldn't ever do anything again. I saw how much pain it brought my mum. But due to working with suicidal people now I tend to 'minimise' the attempts of overdose (mostly women) and worry more about the men that try to cut their wrists or throat... do you think I am just minimising because of my past attempt? Is it even an attempt considering people out there have horrific scars and I don't?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 27, 2011, 08:17 AM

Does not really help, do you want to talk about it ?

macquera · Mar 27, 2011, 08:27 AM

Sorry I just joined and accidentally submitted the question without actually writing the question! I have my full question under 'self harming behavious?' I'm not self harming now, I'm just wondering if what I did in my past is actually a mild form of SH... and how I should cope with working in an area which deals with a lot of that... I think I want to change fields but I can't get a job anywhere else and I'm failing my new course at uni

macquera · Mar 27, 2011, 08:39 AM

Is strangling oneself to the point of turning purple and passing out self harm or a suicide attempt (if intent was there the lethalty was just not known or overestimated)?

Also, would you say trying to od on over the counter meds for sleeping/ pain is an attempt (over 150 tablets)?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 27, 2011, 08:56 AM

I would say it is strange, but you can't really kill yourself, since you pass out before you die, and then start breathing when you try to strangle one self,

Are you doing it for a sexual high? Or to try and kill yourself.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 27, 2011, 08:58 AM

Your posts have been merged

macquera · Mar 27, 2011, 11:24 AM

Oh cool, thanks. No I did do it only once to try and kill myself. I tied the rope thinking it would stay tied but it didn't!

I don't think like that at alll anymore, I just get really down when I have to deal with suicidal people at work. Also, issues with a violent boyfriend that I am just stuck in. I feel so guilty for dragging my family through all this again. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and I will probably lose my family over it, but I still don't think like that