[tml318]

I have a 4 year old cj and a 2 year old david, david will be 3 in December but he doesn't talk he screams and moans sometimes growls that's it. Is this normal my 4 year was a talker but not my 2 year old he points but that is it, also he is very aggressive he hits a lot throws things bites both me and his brother he scratch's his brother a lot and grabs handfuls of his skin and squeezes is something wrong I'm at my wits end he doesn't play well with others is he just a disapline issue or is something else wrong my ped doesn't seem to understand or maybe doesn't care what I'm trying to tell him cause he says just let him grow up some it will end soon do I need a new ped or is something wrong my husbands grandma says me may have autism my aunt says add is nothing worng and I'm just thinking there is or what.

[Alty]

There's really no way for us to tell you what's going on. If there is a health issue such as autism or ADD, that would require many different tests to diagnose, only a specialist will have the tools needed to give this diagnosis. You can't just take a guess with something like that.

He does seem to be speech delayed. Have you taken him to a speech therapist? Does he say anything at all, or does he just moan and growl, no words at all?

What are the consequences when he throws things and bites? Do time outs work, or do they not seem to have any effect at all?

What tests if any has your pediatrician done? Has he recommended a specialist? Your ped really isn't equipped to diagnose autism or ADD, so the next time you see your ped ask him/her to refer you to a specialist.

[tml318]

Time out has no effect he does get spankings now for biteing and such because I can tollerate him abuseing my other son its with an open hand and on his bottom with his diper on so I'm not even sure if it affects him like I said the ped doesn't seem to think anything is wrong and I'm on medicaid so I would need a referral to a specialist from him in order for medicaid to cover it maybe I should wait until the time when they will let me change my ped I can't afford speech therapy it would have to be referred by my ped to get it paid for I think most of my problems now that I write them out seem to stem from my ped not soing anything about my concerns except telling me not to worry

[Alty]

I do think that your ped isn't taking this seriously. You're concerned, and you know your son better then anyone. If you think something is wrong, it most likely is.

There are things you can do at home. My son had speech issues growing up, he's also ADHD. He's now 12, and most of the things I've done to help him have been done at home, without a professional.

We also have people on this site that are experts with dealing with autism, ADD, ADHD, aspergers, you name it.

I'll PM a few people that may be able to give you more suggestions. It's pretty late so they probably won't respond until tomorrow, so please check back tomorrow to see if they've posted. :)

[tml318]

Ty I know its late but when we got home from having dinner out it was just such a horrid experience I have been online since than trying to find answers

[Wondergirl]

Good morning, tml. I'm one of the experts Alty had PMed, and first want you to know that we here will do our best to help you find your way through this.

I'm married to a man who, it turns out, has Asperger's, and our older son is autistic, so you can imagine how much reading and discussion with professionals and other parents I've done! The autism spectrum is huge, with all degrees of abilities and disabilities on it. Like Alty said, we cannot diagnose your son, but language delay and aggression can be two signs of autism.

Can your ped refer you to a professional who deals with autistic kids, with diagnosing and working with parents on how best to deal with them? You didn't mention where you live, so my knowing general information, even just your country, might help me figure out how to help you find someone who is affordable.

Meanwhile, spanking, etc. as you are finding out, doesn't work very well. I'm guessing your son is frustrated and, even as a little guy, is feeling trapped. Does he hate to be hugged or even touched? Some autistic people even hate wearing clothes and will choose only very soft fabrics and cut off all the irritating tags at the neckline and waistline.

Here is an article on autism and language development --

Autism and Communication [NIDCD Health Information]

Here is an article on autism and aggressiveness --

Managing Aggression in Autistic Children - Autism Center - Everyday Health

One friend who has an autistic son who is very aggressive has found that letting him lie between two big sofa cushions or big pillows (like the ham between two pieces of bread) helps calm him down. Maybe you could try that somehow (make a game of it? Do it yourself first to show him?) to see if it helps.

I'll check back today to see if you responded. Remember, there is help for you and your son no matter what his behavior and language problems are caused by. I really am pleased and amazed at your patience so far!