[raech]

I was with my ex partner for 8 years we have two children and I also have a child from a previous relaionship who my ex partner brought up as his own as her dad doesn't want contact.

Over the last four years me partner started taking steroids and started work as a nightclub bouncer and became emotionally abusive bullying and controlling, he leaves me every month for a week telling me its because I'm too fat I'm a tramp I'm not pretty enough I'm boring, he can't feel enough in bed because I've had 3 kids even though the next time he tells me he has never enjoyed sex like he does with me because he loves me! He says he's ashamed of me I have to walk behind him in the street but even though I realise I sound stupid I always beg him to come back and then he does with conditions like I have to get rid of a friend or change my hair or appearance. Im not that fat I'm a stone overweight but he says I'm obese. I am dieting and would love to go the gym like he does for 3 hours a day but I have to look after the kids.

Last Friday he went to work as normal but when I looked in the bedroom he had took his stuff again!
There was no warning signs we were happy no arguments nothing!
I phoned him in work and he told me he had left me for an 18 year old who he was just going to a hotel with to have sex he said "shes fitter than you she has a tighter vagina cos she hasnt had kids everyone wants her and youre nothing just a mum in the house with kids" and was laughing at me he said he was too good for me that every woman wants him and his muscles and all his work friends say to him why are you with a 32 year old woman when you could have any lapdancer in town he is also 32 and his friends have never even seen me. This time was enough I asked for my key back and he started sending me abusive messages which I ignored he then rang my parents up telling them he had a new girlfriend and that he didn't want the kids but I couldn't have them he went to my daughters school and asked them to ring social services because I'm an alcoholic (im not in any way!) social services have rang me and said they have no problem with me.

I have no friends left he found a problem with all of them and I had to choose them or him.

I have had to get a non molestation order against him this week as he is tormenting me still he said he never wants to see the kids again and our youngest who is 2 is crying for him all the time and is not himself at all.

Over christmas he came off steroids for 2 months and we were so happy no problems he was enjoying the kids more and spending time with us then he started them again for a bodybuilding competition I begged him not toom, while he was off the steroids he admitted to me that he hadn't been treating me right and he asked me why do you stay with me? I told him I lived in hope of it stopping.

Even after all this I am still crying for him though I miss him terribly and hate him, I can't stop thinking of him with this other girl and its killing me I'm thinking of the happy times and I'm mourning our future. I keep thinking of how he was when we first met and I wish he could go back to that.

I have always took him back but this time I'm determined not to but I want him so much I've joined a support group hopefully that will help.

[amicon]

The support group will help you and I'm proud of you for having made this choice and sticking to it.

Your feelings are normal,there's a lot of history between you and you have children.

Could you get counseling?
I think that would be a great help.
When a person lives with abuse for years,themselves esteem goes down.

You need help to start rebuilding yourself and allow yourself to realise what a strong woman you are.

[talaniman]

You have made the right moves and hope you get legal advice also. He owes his kids child support, plain, and simple.

This has been traumatic for you all, and it will take some time, and patience, and hard work to recover from the damage he caused you and your family.

I hope someday you can see this as a good thing, getting him out of your life, and giving you a chance for better things to happen. It will, but the healing process has to be gone through first.

[kcomissiong]

Do you love him more than your children? They have a right to a stable, safe home... not to live with an abusive drug user. Ending a relationship when you have committed yourself and have children is always difficult and causes so much heartache. But is your chidren's safety, emotional well being, and view of how they should let their partner treat them worth this relationship?