[Slyson]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. I truly love her more than anything and if the opportunity arose would take a bullet for her anyday. We were ready to get married if it wasn`t for a financial problem. In September (it is currently March)I left for my first year of university at a school that is 2 hours away from home. We have made the long distance relationship work however it has been a lot harder.

At the same time as I left for university, she became much much more religious. This wouldn`t be a problem except I am atheist and very cynical. I don`t care if she is religious but she cares that I`m not and it has caused us a lot of problems for the past 7 months or so. I have told her that if we were to get married I would become a catholic, and go to church every week, but that I most likely would never believe it.

Lately she has become extremely involved in her church youth group and has quickly become one of the leaders as she is one of the older members. The only time I can see her is on weekends as I am at university, however most of the youth group activities are on weekends. So if I wish to see her I have to spend time with her youth group which consists of a lot of people I wouldn't get along with. This has been a cause for a lot of fights lately as she is volunteering to go to these weekend activities and she knows I don't like them. I get to spend time with her without the youth group maybe once every month and a half or so.

She has been working a lot along side one of the male leaders and they seem to have become friends. She told me just recently that she has developed some feelings for him yet she is confused as to what they are (brotherly feelings or other). She says t is because he understands her in the aspects of religion and experiences growing up and she can talk to him about things she can't talk to me about.

I really want to save our relationship as like I said I love her and I know she loves me back but we both admit it feels like it is fading away. Please any advice is great, even if it is that the relationship is over.

Thank you,

Sly

[amicon]

I think you are growing apart and that you are not compatible.

When their religion plays a big part in a person's life and the partner is agnostic,it's bound to cause problems in the long run.

You seem to be settling into your knew life as a student-a whole new world and one that you deserve to enjoy fully.

Sadly,I think this relationship has run its course.

[Jake2008]

Sly, I think you know the answer. Yes, your relationship is falling apart.

It is all about commitment, honesty, and communication. It is particularly difficult when the relationship also has to deal with distance, and time apart.

It isn't uncommon for any relationship to fail, simply because of the distance. When you add that your girlfriend now has decided on other commitments, that are more important than her relationship with you, it is ineviable that the strength of the bond together is being compromised.

With her, it is her all consuming 'new' life of religion, her religious friends, her religious activities, her religious focus. There is even a 'love' interest developing with a like minded individual, which doesn't surprise me.

While she has changed, you have not. And you are due consideration, kindness, understanding and commitment, regardless of your religious beliefs, or lack of. That she finds you now somewhat incompatible, and will not compromise her new life, because she has left her old life, leaves little room for compromise.

A similar situation happened with me, with a friend of 20 years. She had always been a church goer, and I was not. She suddenly changed from church every Sunday, to now belonging to a more fanatical offshoot of her religion. I actually went and spoke to her Priest about it.

The bottom line was, I was out, and her all consuming new life, was her life. I lost a friend, and can identify with you somewhat, in losing your girlfriend.

She has become a different person, and had you met her now, this void in who she is as being compatible with who you are, would not likely have resulted in any kind of relationship.

Myself, I would consider this relationship over.

[talaniman]

When to people have different goals, interests and pursuits in life and make the relationship partner second to those goals, then yeah a break up is soon to follow.

Sorry guy, but you are both going in different directions.