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tahutci · Feb 25, 2011, 08:52 AM

I have been going out with my girlfriend for over a year now and helped her so much. Due to an abusive ex a bad childhood and a miscarriage a few weeks into our relationship I had to help her rebuild her life which involved all my friends all my energy and pretty much all my time. For 3 months before we went out she was confused and didn't know what to do because of a the very abusive ex, so she slept around with me and all of my mates, I foolishly fell in love with her and had to withstand pain and rejection for 3 months until she realized she loved me too. Now a year on from everything I have realized she doesn't really need my help anymore she has things mostly under control, but I'm not happy I'm just sad and now confused as to why I'm sad because this is what I always wanted her to be OK and not need to lean on me constantly but I'm not happy, it feels like a part of her I loved has gone, but it doesn't make sense that would mean I love the bad parts that made us argue and break up multiple times, course we got back together multiple times too. Basically I'm now sad because things are better and I don't know why, I just hope that someone can help because if I don't figure this out it's the end of our relationship, no pressure lol.

adviceishere · Feb 25, 2011, 10:15 AM

Your feeling as though she doesn't NEED you anymore, your feeling anxious that she may realise that she no longer has any use for you and might leave you and find someone else, this doesn't mean it's the end it just means you will both need to find a hobby you can both enjoy together, for the past year your "hobby" was fixing things and comforting things for your girlfriend and her roll was being the damzel in distress... now you's both need a new common ground, a more peaceful one

Lovebug5683 · Mar 14, 2011, 09:27 PM

Well Maybe what you loved about the helping her was that you felt needed and a big part of her life.. If I were you I'd talk to her about what should happen and how she feels about it. Hope I helped :)

talaniman · Mar 15, 2011, 10:15 PM

I feel your pain, but you have spent so much of yourself helping her, you have neglected yourself. You have given her enough of YOU, and now its time to rebuild and get some of you back.

Your healing will take a long time, so be very patient as the pain leaves you, and it will, slowly but surely. Just to be clear, that does mean leave her alone until you get your health, and strength back, or this cycle of pain and misery will never end.

You gave too much, and that's not healthy. She took all you gave, without giving enough back.