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missemme · Feb 5, 2011, 06:40 PM

I think you should show him what to do instead of telling him. Suck on his nipples to show him what you want to feel, lick his **** (or any other part of his body) to show him the pressure you want during oral sex... and masturbate in front of him to show him how rough or gentle he should be when he is touching you. Show him what you want in a gentle, sexy and fun way. I once had a boyfriend who after the second kiss I realized was a terrible kisser... he was rough and... it was just awful... and to get him to improve I had him sit still and just feel my sensation while I did all the kissing... he enjoyed it and I enjoyed it but most importantly he really really improved... Good Luck.

dmpill · Feb 6, 2011, 03:31 AM

That might work if he is really clueless. If he's just a selfish lover, you have to threaten him with going to s.o. else. If he's using withholding good sex as a passive-aggressive weapon, you have to find out what his beef is and resolve it.

Cat1864 · Feb 6, 2011, 07:49 AM

dmpill [?]
Comment on missemme's post

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That might work if he is really clueless. If he's just a selfish lover, you have to threaten him with going to s.o. else. If he's using withholding good sex as a passive-aggressive weapon, you have to find out what his beef is and resolve it.

The preceding is very bad advice. It doesn't matter how selfish a lover he is you DO NOT threaten 'going to someone else.' Cheating is never an option. Threatening to cheat is even worse.

Either you work with him, accept him, or get out of the marriage, but you do not cheat or threaten to cheat.

If he won't listen to you, Marriage Counseling might be an idea. A neutral third party might be able to help get him to listen to what you are saying.

How is the rest of the relationship? Is his behavior in the bedroom an indication of how he approaches most if not all 'problems'/'projects'?

JudyKayTee · Feb 6, 2011, 06:29 PM

Comment on missemme's post

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That might work if he is really clueless. If he's just a selfish lover, you have to threaten him with going to s.o. else. If he's using withholding good sex as a passive-aggressive weapon, you have to find out what his beef is and resolve it.

Cheating NEVER improves a situation and I fail to see how the "I will get sex from someone else if you don't improve" line will help him be a better lover.

smoothy · Feb 7, 2011, 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Comment on missemme's post

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That might work if he is really clueless. If he's just a selfish lover, you have to threaten him with going to s.o. else. If he's using withholding good sex as a passive-aggressive weapon, you have to find out what his beef is and resolve it.

Cheating NEVER improves a situation and I fail to see how the "I will get sex from someone else if you don't improve" line will help him be a better lover.

And it would be no different if HE told her to liven it up and give him pornstar sex (or something she won't do)... or he would go find it someplace else... so it she turns the able around and its about her performance... to grasp the persepective.

Never makes it right... and certainly won't result in the desired reaction.

Ya got to talk... and hopefully you find a nice midpoint between what you want and what they are willing to do... and be happy with that. Hopefully sometime before it degenerates into this sort of threatening push and shove match.

starbond · Mar 14, 2011, 01:50 PM

My partner likes more oral than intercourse and I like both.first she just used to masterbate for me and I used to use my fingures or tongue to give her orgasm.but one day I made her sit and told I needs intercourse also to get satisfaction.then she realised my need.then first I used to arouse her the way she wants and then she satisfy me with my needs.if she don't get orgasm through penetration then I am giving her orgasm through oral.thats what your relation should be.give and take.for that you have to sit and communicate properly.otherwise you will do sex like machines

JudyKayTee · Mar 14, 2011, 04:13 PM

I thought you and your "partner" had broken up - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotio...up-562149.html

dmpill · Mar 14, 2011, 05:33 PM

Telling your partner what you propose to do if he keeps stonewalling is not a push and shove match. It is a fair and honest communication of what the consequences will be if he continues to refuse to communicate and compromise and meet you halfway. Allowing people to be selfish and engage in dysfunctional behavior without consequences doesn't help anyone.

At the same time, it is true that you owe him honest and open communication, and fair and balanced negotiation. So as you say, cheating (i.e. going behind his back for sex) is not an option. That is, however, totally different from telling him that you you want an open relationship if he can't compromise with you to both your satisfaction on your sexual needs. It's an honest way of solving a sexual incompatibility problem without resorting to divorce. Open relationships are not cheating, because all parties to them have to agree to them as the best solution to make the relationship work.

JudyKayTee · Mar 14, 2011, 05:48 PM

You addressed my statement. Actually what I said was "Cheating NEVER improves a situation and I fail to see how the "I will get sex from someone else if you don't improve" line will help him be a better lover.

I made no reference to agreeing to an open marriage. I addressed the "if you don't improve I'm having sex with another person" statement. This is certainly NOT negotiating with your partner.

Please don't put words in my mouth.

smoothy · Mar 15, 2011, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by ;

Telling your partner what you propose to do if he keeps stonewalling is not a push and shove match. It is a fair and honest communication of what the consequences will be if he continues to refuse to communicate and compromise and meet you halfway. Allowing people to be selfish and engage in dysfunctional behavior without consequences doesn't help anyone.

It is a push and shove match... thats exactly how its defined... someone committs a perceived slight... so the other steps it up a bit and does something back... and it goes back and forth. Neither side holds the moral high ground when that happens.

Ever hear that two wrongs don't make a right? And ticking someone off isn't the way to open the door to a conversation or to entice them to meet you someplace midway.