[kristin4132]

I was with a guy since the age of 15, we were together for 12 and half years but it ended last April. We were meant to be getting married in the July, have the wedding dress and everything but sometimes I feel like things are never getting better. He moved on with my friend's sister the day after we split or so I heve been led to believe but I am more than sure this was going on behind my back the more I think about it. I had this life in front of me, marriage and kids but now I feel like I am left in limbo, destined for a life on my own and my whole world is crumbling around me. My best friend has been great but I have used her as a replacement for things to do, spend time with but now she has just got a boyfriend and obviously wants to spend time with him. I am lost without her and feel like I am going a bit crazy and what feels like panic attacks, we argue but deep down I just want her to be happy but also feel why is she dumping me like this, I know it is really selfish but seem to be going round in circles. Should I stop being friends with her because I don't want her to hate me and will I ever get over this relationship? I still love him after nearly a year and everyone says I should hate him for what he has done but I just done feel like that. Sorry for going on!

[mmresd]

Give it some time. Heart breaks take time to heal, and a lot of it. Concentrate on the parts of your life that are crumbling down and try to seek solutions to those and before you know it, your life will be looking upward and you will start to not mind his absence as much.

Good luck,

Javi

[southamerica]

Whoa oh my goodness! You feel lost after your fiancé dumped you and now you feel abandoned by your best friend?

I can't speak from the position of someone who got dumped after a 12 year relationship. That sounds hard and I hope with time you find the healing you need.

Why do you want to leave your best friend? Does she make you feel bad about yourself? Does she drain your energy? Do you not feel a connection with her anymore? If she's not a toxic friend and you enjoy her company, keep her! Friends are not obligated to be there for you all the time and fill the void a fiancé once filled, but they are a support system that you can rely on. She has a new relationship that she is focusing on, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to be your friend. You have to understand that just because she isn't there for you 24/7 it doesn't mean she isn't there.

I am concerned about your language: "i'm lost without her"; "I have used her as a replacement for things to do"; "why is she dumping me like this, I know it is really selfish but seem to be going round in circles"... what it comes down to is this: YOU are ultimately responsible for your healing and YOU need to focus on yourself right now. Find out who you are independent of anyone else. Find out what your hobbies are, what your dreams are, where do you want to go in life? It almost seems like your friendship became a rebound... and that's not the point of a friendship. Focus on healing from your Fiancé, and don't push away friends in the process.

In answer to your final question: yes, you will get over it. Don't dwell on him, and just give it time. Good luck!

[kristin4132]

Thanks guys, In answers to your questions southamerica, no I enjoy spending time with her but I just think it might be best for her, I don't want to get in the way of her relationship and I can fully understand she doesn't have to be there 24/7. Not going to lie I think my friendship did become a bit of a rebound, the fact that we work together has not helped either. I just don't want her to hate me eventually because I am a bit screwed up in the head, just don't know what is best for me to heal and for us to become less attached friends if that makes sense.The only thing is she lies quite a lot to protect me which really winds me up. It doesn't help that my ex keeps coming in my place of work all the time with the new bit of stuff, just wish he would go away and let me get on with stuff. Just want him to answer all my questions but that will never happen. I think I am finding my old self slowly but surely. I have lost all my confidence since being with him and having never been through all the dating you are supposed to go through in your teenage years, I wouldn't have a clue where to start with men, am quite shy as well (I sound really great don't I!), not that I ready for anyone else. Am setting myself to try and make conversations with people I serve at work to try and build myself a bit more confidence. I want to leave this job as a goal but just don't feel ready to take that step yet. Thanks for your help, it's nice to talk to people that are looking in from the outside.

[amicon]

Your ex sounds like a jerk,and you're probably right,he went behind your back with he new woman-what a coward!

As for your friend I don't think you should 'disappear'from her life but step back a bit and eventually her new boyfriend might become a good friend too?

You mention panic attacks so have you considered therapy?

I think you'd benefit from talking to a professional.

Good luck.

[southamerica]

Definitely hang on to your friend, and I think if you focus on things that make you happy you will find that you don't rely on her or anyone else so much.

I took up a type of gymnastics that I'd always talked about but never did after my last break up. It was absolutely awesome and made me feel amazing about myself. Maybe there's something you always talked about learning or doing but you never got around to it... time to dive in! Oh, and ignore that jerk of an ex you have. I wish you the best of luck.

[talaniman]

Its only been a year, and when you get done mourning and start building again, then you will feel better, and start exploring your world and enjoying all the options and opportunities to be happy that you couldn't see before.

Give your friend a break, and start loving yourself, and doing some good things for yourself.