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ladyjane20 · Mar 8, 2011, 02:09 PM

I'm a 19 (almost 20) year old girl, and I'm really depressed for 5 years, because I'm hopelessly in love with a gay (or maybe bisexual) man. He's now 23. We live in the same city, we study at the same university, and this is incredibly hard for me. I cannot get him out of my head. We were friends, but I was young and stupid, I tried to get closer to him and I think he realised what the situation was, so our relationship went wrong, and actually I'd like to do something. Apologize for being impatient with his feelings. I miss him.

:(

Sorry, my English sucks...

talaniman · Mar 8, 2011, 02:44 PM

What feelings are you talking about? What happened?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 8, 2011, 07:46 PM

He wanted to be friends, you wanted a lover, and it went wrong. So you have to admit it, try to talk to him but the issue is, you still want a lover and he only wanted a friend.

Jake2008 · Mar 9, 2011, 08:03 AM

You already knew he was gay when you tried to get closer to him, as you said, and clearly he wasn't interested. From what you have said, even the friendship is now in the past.

You cannot change a gay man into a straight man, or a straight man into a gay man. He is who he is, and he's not interested in you, or any other woman.

You mention that he could possibly be bisexual, but, even if he is, he is still not interested in you.

You say you are in love with this man, and have been, for five years, and you constantly think about him, and cannot get him out of your head. THAT is the problem right there. The love you feel, or think you have for this man, is not based in reality. And while you continue to let your life pass by, you are missing many opportunities to have friendships and romantic interests in straight men.

The bigger problem here is that you have remained in this place, and have been unable to move on, knowing that he isn't going to be a lover, or even a friend, and there is no hope that there ever will be, after five years.

Please seek counselling and find out why you are stuck in the past, and choosing to live your life this way. After all the time that has passed, this goes beyond just having a shot at a relationship that's not going to happen. You are limiting your life, and my opinion is, you need help to recognize and deal with moving on.