[Queen12]

Hi, I have been in a relation for the last three years and our marriage is fixed, which is supposed to happen in a month's time. We both love each other but we have a non compatible wave length and very often argue on things and end up in big fights. He is very loving, caring and responsible at the same time short tempered. For him I am stupid and dumb and not smart enough to understand things so fast. If we both are walking and If my feet slip on the way, he gets irritated and tells that I am careless and I do not know how to walk. If we both walk together and I bump at him unintentionally, he says I have no professionalism and do not know how to behave in public. There are so many silly things also on which he would get pissed off and shout. I get so conscious and I am scared when I do things thinking he would shout. These kinds of instances lead to arguments between us. I would always listen to him I he talks to me normally and I have told him the same umpteen times. I agree to the fact that I am a little careless but I do not feel bad when he shouts for a genuine reason. When there is a fight we both feel that we cannot be together and should not get married. Such big fights happen every alternate day. But after some time when the anger gets cooled down will again be back to normal and he says he cannot live without me. I am really sad because of all these fights. He is never able to talk without raising his voice even for normal things. Please help me deal with this.

[amicon]

He sounds like a bully!

Constantly telling someone they're dumb etc. is emotional abuse.
Constant arguing without solving any conflicts does not bode well for marriage.

Take a good look at the situation you are in-is that really the kind of marriage you would want ?

[talaniman]

You both have had enough of a preview into each other to make a decision. No marriage is ever perfect, no matter how much you love each other. Most times it comes down to can you put up with, or deal with the things you don't like about your partner, because there is seldom a problem when times are good is there?

That's what marriage is about, the good and the bad, for better or worse. Can you handle the bad? Is his abuses, worth putting up with? I would sure set some boundaries around things like name calling, and ANY violence is a deal breaker, because chances are that peoples bad habits, or ways, won't change after marriage, they usually get worse.

So decide is the communications and willingness to work together to resolve your issues is good enough to take a chance, and if its not, talk and see if this can be worked on, and if honest communications isn't enough, then don't get married.

[pandead]

He should be the one catching you and keeping you from slipping.
Marriage is hard to keep up even for couples with no real issues at the beginning so make sure you don't set yourself up for disappointment before you make such a big decision.

[donf]

Dear Queen,

Were I you, I would be looking elsewhere for a marriage partner or just a better relationship.

Personally, I do not believe that what you depicted does not even seem the least respectful of you.

I question how it would be possible to love and live with someone who berates me or for that matter treats me as if I'm a clod.

How does that demonstrate his love for you?