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sunnymt · Mar 6, 2011, 07:34 PM

My ex and I dated for nearly 3 years. We had a very tumultuous relationship but there was no doubting our love for each other. Anyway, I ended the relationship after I reached my breaking point with his selfish behavior. We saw each other on and off for about six months after that. Then he announced that he was moving across the country, giving me about a month to process. I was a mess. He left anyway, keeping in contact sporadically via texts. Two weeks ago he came back on "vacation" for a week. We spent 4 days together and everything was great. We were both on our best behavior. I was on cloud 9. Anyway, I was OK until about a week later. Now, all I do is want to be with him. I sent him an e-mail explaining my feelings asking him if I should just move on. It's almost like it would be easier if we hated each other. I need some advice. Should I move on? He has stated that he will only come back to my town for "vacations". He will never live here again. I can't move with him because he lives in his mother's basement and has no steady employment. I need some security. I have my dream job here. So, should I move on? What should I do? How do I make this hurt go away? Any advice would be great. Thank you!

Monipooh22 · Mar 6, 2011, 09:24 PM

Hey,

I understand fully where you are coming from! Girl move on! He didn't have his stuff together and it seems like you do. He lives in his mother's basement with jobs on and off? That's a no no... he needs to get his life together before he tries to be with someone. Yes it will hurt you because you're comfortable with him, but think about this... you don't love him... you love the IDEA of him... food for thought. He's all you knew at one point, but I promise you... one woman to another you will find that match you've been waiting for! There are plenty of fish in the sea as they say and you will find yours. You have to be patient. Don't settle. Live your life and continue to be successful in your dream job and the rest will come.

sunnymt · Mar 6, 2011, 09:31 PM

Monipooh22: Thank you for your answer! You really helped me be at ease with this situation and your advice was good. It's hard.. . But it will be OK. Thanks again and you're the best!

talaniman · Mar 7, 2011, 07:06 AM

Of course you move on and let him take his vacations with someone else. You don't deserve to be teased, filled with false hope, or led on by a loser who can't find himself.

Get a REAL man. And a happy REAL life that you enjoy.

Jake2008 · Mar 7, 2011, 07:54 AM

You know that when you were together, things were not good, and if he were still there, things would likely still be tumultuous. He is living in his mother's basement and unemployed, you have your dream job, and he wishes only to visit where you are once in a while, not move back, get his life together, find a job, and work on a new relationship with you.

You make the mistake I think, of not realizing that to any relationship that doesn't work out, there is the inevitable, 'End.' There is no future in the relationship, it isn't going anywhere, and you making huge sacrifices will not change that.

The End means realizing that the relationship is in the past, and should stay there.

sunnymt · Mar 7, 2011, 08:57 AM

Comment on Jake2008's post

This is sound advice. Thanks for being so real about the situation. It's so funny how I sometimes let me emotions take over what my head knows to be true. Thanks so much for your reply!

Comment on talaniman's post

Thank you for your comment too! I appreciate your support and advice. You are right I DO deserve more than this.. . It's hard, but you're right. It's time to move on. Thanks again!!

Jake2008 · Mar 7, 2011, 09:06 AM

You're welcome. That's the beauty of this place, we learn a lot from each other.

It is so much easier to fall into old patterns, rather than forging new ones. Its too bad we didn't have a little switch to shut the emotions down for a while.

All the best of luck to you sunny.