[talaniman]

When I got heart broken so many years ago, I hit the court, and developed a killer cross over dribble, and a learned a few techniques for a better butterfly stroke. I was like you, hurting bad, and didn't want to be around people, then the anger came down and I could just sit. I worked hard on that cross over because, I was to mad at the world to do anything else, so every freaking day, 2-3-4 hours. Couple of weeks later I was running rings around 'em, and I wasn't mad, or angry, or sad, or depressed. By the end of the second month, I was partying with the guys I was playing with, and one of them had a sister, who had a friend, and we hooked up for a few weeks, and she dumped me, can't remember why right now, but what's s a guy to do? Back to the courts, the pool, the darts, BOWLING, yeah I love to bowl, to bad I was never that good, but always had a great time, and met a lot of great people, and that was a great time. Never did worry about filling that void ever again though, because I was having too much freakin' FUN.

The point, if you get off your a$$, and do your thing, healing goes better, and faster because, time flies when your having fun. Forget the masks my friend, just be yourself, and do your thing, because who cares if they like you or not, who cares if they accept you, or not? Who cares if they reject you, or not? It doesn't matter because you love yourself more, than they hate you.

Trust me guy, no female is worth all that, until you meet one, and you will after a proper healing period, that will be better than the others. And the good news, you can enjoy many on the way to meeting her, so this is hardly over with, its just this one got away, her bad, the next one will be better, so you better hurry, and learn how to cope with your losses, because, your missing a lot sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, instead of doing great things for yourself.

Come on, no more romantic sick thoughts, get real with it, and get up, and see what you can do for you.

[Elloganias]

Hey again, guess I'm doing better. Well I really do read all of your guys responses. I know I may not take them as seriously as I should. Sorry. I've never really had a thing though. Played basketball for a while but was never really interested in the sport myself. I've got the physical body to be a football or basketball player but I've never really gotten into it. Just doesn't capture my mind. I do like bowling though, every weekend me, my brother and my mom have this bowling thing. Usually really fun. Like you where talking about the partying with friends. I've never been that guy. And I'm not sure if I want to be him. I did. For her. I really found it enjoyable at times but not so much now. I need a hobby, or a job. Probably both. I just don't know who I am. Don't really care what you think but if I feel for someone that strong the sky's the limit I would go for her. I know that's me. Ive never been one for caring for myself. For the longest while I cared for myself cause she cared for me. And now without that. Just don't give a crap about a lot of stuff. Ive never had a real reason for living. Just passing the time. I'm pathetic, scared and excited at what the future might bring, hiding in the comfort and happiness of the past. I don't really put myself out there. And this is the first time I really put myself out there for another person. And I'm still not sure if it was a good idea. At times. It's the best. But other times. I want to die. It's just hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel. And Its getting hard to keep believing in that light...

[talaniman]

I think over time you take from this experience that you have learned what's possible if you give it a try. What you could do if you were as good to yourself as you were to her, and start defining yourself by what YOU do, not who you have.

If that experience was great, the NEXT one has to be better. Maybe its not basketball that turns your crank, maybe its chess. Don't you know there are possibilities out there if you just heal properly, and go for it? A life that you enjoy without a partner, takes time, and work to build, and brings out the best in us. This is only a temporary funk, and it will pass if you let it. If you find ways to be good to yourself.

Volunteer at a soup kitchen or hospital and meet some people who have more problems than just being dumped by some female, and you will learn what real courage is and what it means to not quit on yourself, over a temporary setback.

This is bit a speed bump on the way to better things. You just have to keep going, and building, and rebuilding yourself. That's a helluva job, no doubt.

[Elloganias]

... I just don't know who I am. I don't know who I want to be. And that's not something I can just ask, it's something I have to figure out on my own. I don't say it enough. Thank you. I always say Im not a big people person, but here I am. Talking with complete strangers about my problems on an Internet site that the whole world could see. I guess it makes it easier for me, that your complete strangers. You don't know who I am and I don't know who you are. I can get your unfiltered responses. I don't know what I want to be, I know core values which I would never go against, but not the outer part. To fill in the corners of the map, I've got the outline but the land itself is mine to mold, I'm not sure if I want the raging volcanoes, the cool flowing landscape or the constantly flowing ocean. I know who I wanted to be for a while. But now it's lost to me. I know it's foolish. I knew it at the time. But I didn't care. I wanted to be exactly who she wanted me to be, no matter what. Do anything for her, And what confuses the heck out of me is I still would. I just. I felt so attracted to her, in every way possible. I loved everything about her, I told her that quite often, I don't think she ever realized how much I meant it.

Still don't know where trust fits into my little world, I had it, but now it's gone. I don't trust anyone anymore. I feel like I can't. That I'm always trying to protect myself from them somehow. Never letting anyone get too close. Idk. My minds just a scrambled mess. All these thoughts and of course all oxygen conflicting, like a battle in my head. All my feelings take up arms and defend themselves accordingly.

And to make it better... She texted me, wanting to be friends again. Last week sometime. I said yes of course. I'm not going to be an arse... But I'm not sure which side of me really said yes... The part that still loves her (I'm not going to deny it, it's there and I've tried to squash it for a while, it's a persistent feeling) or the part that wants to be friends again. Or it could just be the love hiding under friendship. But then there's the part that says heck no. Get away, do you know what you did to me? Every time I see her in the hallway I can't look her in the face. I have to suddenly change the song on my iPod or stare intently at that ceiling tile. Although, when I'm in the hallway I'm always looking for something, and I'm not going to kid myself... I know what it is. But whenever I see her face, hear her laugh. It's like a joyous sound to my ears.. While someone tears out my heart again and again. I want to be friends. But I still want to be more. I know I should move on. I know it would be better. But she's that angel. Always shinning, always out of reach.

I want to ask her, if she feels anything still, but I know the answer I'll get, but I don't want to believe it. I can't ask her, but I still want to. I want to be free of these feelings, but I want to be back in her arms. I know which feeling is stronger. But I'm too ashamed to admit it. Even to people that I'll never talk face to face with. I'll never know you more than your username. Is it really so simple... Did the hormones in her body just stop, are my feeling genuin. Or are they just the body's way of getting us to mate. I want these feelings to be more than just hormones. I don't want to give up. I cant. I know that's me. Stubborn as hell. With a feeling of honor, that's me as well. To do anything for someone I care about... Aye.

[talaniman]

Your post is almost to honest to comment on. It bring back some old buried memories. You really are good at painting feelings with words, you really are. You may be stubborn, but the sensitive side shows, but by now you are seeing that learning about life isn't easy, that why they call what you are going through "growing pains".

You will have a lot of those tough times, and tough choices, in the future. No way to avoid it, and I hope you are stubborn enough to grow through it, and be stronger and better later. For now it's the suffering through it, and be content to know you can make it.

As for the female, she wants to be friends, but honestly, that will only bring pain at this time, until you are over her a bit more. No need to be rude, just be busy doing your thing, and be polite and brief when you see her. In this way you can be unavailable for the unnecessary torture, and still be polite about it.

Feeling suck when you have to cope with them in mature positive ways, but believe me it gets better.

[martinizing2]

Quoting Tal
,

When I got heart broken so many years ago, I hit the court, and developed a killer cross over dribble, and a learned a few techniques for a better butterfly stroke. I was like you, hurting bad, and didn't want to be around people, then the anger came down and I could just sit. I worked hard on that cross over because, I was to mad at the world to do anything else, so every freaking day, 2-3-4 hours. Couple of weeks later I was running rings around 'em, and I wasn't mad, or angry, or sad, or depressed.

I spent my time playing guitar to get completely absorbed and nothing else intruded on my mind.

As Tal said you give vivid descriptions, and bring back how bad it was to feel so confused and hurt .

I tried to be someone's else's ideals and just ended up doing
A poor job of it, and it caused a lot of collateral damage.

When the realization of "it is really over" came, I was changed into a zombie for quite some time.

Then from zombie to" angry and stupid", to " ashamed and stupid" To "plain stupid" . The anger decimates IQ.
Indescribable torture.

And even though your time together was three months, mine 12 years , I know by your post you feel much the same.

It will get better , more slowly than I want to admit, but the pain eases .
It's not easy or fast . But it will happen. Get a guitar or something you can lose yourself in at times. That's how I keep at least some of my sanity.

I wish you well

[Elloganias]

... I'm still looking for her, always looking for her in the hallway between classes. I want to see her, that smiling face, and to hear that angels chorus that is her voice. I'm not sure what to call these feelings, love or obsession. I desperately want to be able to spend time with her again, to talk like we did. But now it feels almost like before we got together, all these feelings for her but I can't do anything about them. Even the mention of her name almost brings me to tears in class. Just today, a teacher mentioned her name a couple of times and I had to walk out of class. Everyone is posting and all my friends are telling me, do your own thing. I don't have a thing. I've tried to find things, anything, but I've come away empty, feeling worse than before, my mind likes to make circles, I'll think to myself "why am I doing this again?" and it will answer "so I don't think of Nikki"... That doesn't really work. I've only felt really at home, like I really belonged, in her arms. I know that might not be true but that's how I feel. I want to forget, or go back. I can't think of anyone else. Not in any way. When I dream of her, I regard as a blessing and a curse. She's always in my head, but I want her in my arms. I don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything. I know I should let go, I've always known that. But it doesn't make it any easier. I still love her dammit. Even if she doesn't love me, even if she tore out my heart. I still love her. I can't show it, I keep these feelings inside and they aren't going away... They feel like their growing. It's not getting better with time. Not yet. It's getting worse.

[Homegirl 50]

She was your first girl friend, your first step outside of your comfort zone and you poured everything in to her.

Oftentimes when you first start to date you are madly infatuated, you eat sleep and breath each other. All of that slows down after a while and you begin to see things as they are. She saw that you two are not a match. That does not mean there is something wrong with you, it means you are not right for her and truth be known, she is not right for you either.

You are hurting now, you have come out of your hole seen the world in a different light and now you feel you're left out there naked. You're not. You're out here, now move around on your own, explore the world outside of your comfort zone on your own.
You seem to be an intelligent young man there is plenty out here you can connect to.
You two enjoyed each other for three months but you are not a match. This was your first experience so there will always be a soft spot there, but you will get over this.
There is something and someone else out there for you.

[Elloganias]

The problem that's still nagging me is how much I fell for her. Over the three months I got to know her I loved her more and more every day, I could really see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. She was that amazing to me, I don't know why, I just clicked with her, like I've never clicked with someone else. Its just hard to imagine myself with anyone else anymore. Talked with my parents finally. My dad started yelling at menand I yelled back, I put my hand through the wall in my room and stared at him, he marched me downstairs and yelled at me somemore I think I needed. I'm feeling better about the whole situation now, my pain. Her loss. Now I almost have an anger toward her. I want nothing to do with her. Cause obvIously she didn't feel the deep connection that I did. I just wish that she hadn't done it just out of the blue. That she sat down and talked to me about it rather than saying it and running away. It's still a problem to me that no ones even close to her in how much I like people... Nothing I can really do about it though

[Homegirl 50]

It is not her fault that you two are not a match and neither is it yours. It is what it is.
You are 17, believe me you will feel this way again.

[Elloganias]

I know what I have to do. I have to let go. But I know I don't want to. I know I should let go, but I don't. I know it would be better to let go, but I don't. I don't want to give up. I never asked anything from her. She was always asking what I wanted for christmas. I always answered.. You. Cause that's all I really wanted in the world, it's all I still want, I would give up everythingzx just to go back. To do it all again. To find that happiness. I haven't felt in two months. I've seen a therapist, he told ke what I already knew. That it's mental. The root of the problem, I've know it for a while already. I don't want to give up. I want to keep my promises to her. Just because someone breaks their promises doesn't give you any reason to break yours. And unless someone with an answer can move me. I'm not going to give up. It's almost a challenge. I want an excuse to not give up. And I've found it. I'm almost hoping someone can talk me out of it. But at the same time...

[Homegirl 50]

When you get sick and tired of being miserable you will move on. When you get tired of wallowing in misery you will move on. You don't want to, and as long as you don't want to you won't.

All this time you spend poo pooing over a young lady that does not want you is time wasted. There could be someone out there looking at you, wanting to get to know you and you are absorbed in misery.
You need to get over it, is not attractive and it is a waste of time.

[talaniman]

If you don't let go, promise or not, then you will make a pest of yourself, and lose your dignity and self respect. You will really be hurt, when she finds another and you are still stuck in false hope.

When she left you my friend, she released you from your promises, so why are you holding on so hard to something that no longer exists?

[Elloganias]

Because I promised. I spoke words from my heart and through them I told her I would always wait for her, never let go, binding words to me, I can't break my promises so easily, which is why I barely ever promise someone something. Because when I said those words. It meant a lot to me. If we don't keep promises then we aren't even true to ourselves. Maybe I'm hurting myself because I subconsciously believe that I messed up, somehow somewhere I could have been different, I'm believe I'm punishing myself for that. The guilt, no matter what people say I can't seem to wash my hands of that feeling. I'm holding on to nothing, I've missed the train that I'm still waiting for, hoping, that through some sheer dumb luck it will come back, even though I know it won't.

Im a fool when it comes to love. But if I give up completely, then it will never happen, if I hold on even the slightest, it's astronomical odds. But isn't something better than nothing? Isn't that tiny drop of water after a week in the desert something? You can't live life without believing in something. Even if that something never occurs, it's better than nothing.

[Homegirl 50]

You don't have anything with her to hang on to. She does not want you. What sense does it make to hold on to someone who has let you go? Does it ever occur to you that she was not the one for you? That by holding on you are not being fair to her. You say you love her, love her enough to let her go and get on with your life.
Desperation is not attractive.

[talaniman]

You won't feel that way once you find something else to fill that void with. Have you always been this way after a girl dumps you? Take it out on yourself when it has nothing to do with you?

Because you don't understand your own feelings, your logic has been thrown way off.

[Elloganias]

... Still into her. Talked to a couple other girls, nothing feels even close to what I felt for her. I know there are a couple girls that are into me. But it's not mutual. No girl comes close to her, and I don't want to go backwards. All the pain, all the crap I've put myself through... It doesn't make sense, I know its only going to hurt me in the end but something about her. It's got me... And I'm inclined to let it pull me away.

[amicon]

It's your choice what you do with your life,of course,but why not choose a happier path and put this behind you now?

Start filling that void with things to do,people to see and get to know, and get your life back on track.

[Elloganias]

That void. It feels like it only wants one thing, every time I try to put something in that place it spits it back out with disgust and I see all those memories again. All the time I spent with her, I always comment on how I have horrible memory, but I rememeber everything about her, crystal clear, it feels like it's been seared into my mind with a hot brand. I can't give up, not yet. I won't show it, but I feel it. No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to believe in it.

[Homegirl 50]

You just keep wallowing in all this melodrama, I think you like it. You don't have to deal with reality.

You were with this girl for 3 months. That is no time at all.
Like I said before, when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll give this fantasy up.