[birthfather49]

I am a birth father who had brought my child's mother to get a abortion she came out of the plan parenthood crying like a hour later and said she did it, the next week she moved out of town to only 6 weeks ago get a call saying she had the baby and he is about to be adopted I was never served or anything and I want my son I got my name on his birth cert. today, and go to court Thursday for a hearing to see what the judge will say but does anyone know?? I called the place who did the adoption and they are pissed saying if I sign my rights they will give me information when I do not want info I want m son

[Wondergirl]

Do not "sign away your rights" or whatever they give you to sign. A DNA test will have to be done to confirm that you are indeed the father.

This sticky is on the Family Law board --

Signing Over Rights
This is a very frequently asked question here. And frequently answered. The following is a summary of the facts and covers most jurisidctions.

1) A bio parent cannot be forced to relinquish their rights, it has to be voluntary.
a) The only exceptions to this are where the bio parent cannot be found after a good faith effort to contact them or in cases where the bio parent represents a danger to the child.

2) Most areas make it difficult for a bio parent to relinquish their parental rights. Usually its allowed only to clear the way for adoption of the child.

3) Relinquishment of rights refers only to the right to have a say in how a child is raised.

4) Relinquishment of parental rights may or may not affect parental responsibility depending on local laws. The parent can still be held responsible for child support or it will be even harder to get a Termination of Parental Rights. A TPR is NOT going to be granted just to let the parent off the hook for support.

5) The only thing that allows ending responsibility is if the child is adopted, in which case the adoptive parents assume that responsibility.

Those are the facts and apply to almost all circumstances in almost all areas. There are several threads here that discuss this issue in greater depth. I would suggest reading them before posting a question.

On a personal note, I do not recommend relinquishing rights unless its to clear the way for adoption. A child deserves to know his parents, not matter how bad the person may have been. People can change.

[Synnen]

Why the sudden interest in your son?

You realize that if you stop the adoption, the MOTHER won't sign away her rights either, and you will probably NOT get primary custody of the child, right? And you know that means you'll be paying child support?

No one can force you to give up your rights. HOWEVER--please do some serious thinking about what is in the best interest of your SON.

Is that really you and your ex raising your son in separate households, fighting over whatever because you can't get along anymore? Is it really constant battles for custody and child support?

Or is it two stable, loving parents who have jumped through dozens of hoops to be able to adopt?

Take a REALLY good look at why you're wanting to have your son. REALLY examine it. If it's about your ego, then let him go. If it's about love---well, where was that when you wanted her to get an abortion? Why do you REALLY want your son now?

And please think about what is best for your SON. Not for you--for your son.

[joypulv]

Your question about the law has been answered by two very knowledgeable people. Each with a different personal viewpoint. I want to add a note about open adoption.
(What you wrote doesn't paint you as having been an eager father to be, fighting the abortion. Forgive me if I am wrong.)
Open adoptions are so common these days and can work so well.
Are you prepared to care for a child 24/7 for the first years, or hire someone, or drag mom into your home, or get a girlfriend/wife to do it, someone who has no direct interest? And for all the years to follow, until 18? You can still be involved, and the child will know someday who you are, and as many do, want a relationship with you while still having a loving set of parents.
This is the future. Think of all the remarriages these days. I know 3 happy kids with one mother and 3 different fathers, and all get along with all their step siblings and so on. I get dizzy thinking about this huge instant family tree. It's not so different with open adoption.

[ScottGem]

From what I understand, you have managed to put a hold on the adoption. I'll bet the reason the adoption agency is "pissed" is two fold. First, they were probably paid to arrange the adoption and may have to refund at least some of the fee. Second, they may have cut corners in showing the court their attempts to find the father.

You show up and get the court to acknowledge you are the father (hence your name on the birth certificate) which puts a monkey wrench in the adoption.

The likelihood is that the adoption will not be allowed without your permission. But I have to echo Synnen here. You clearly showed no desire to be a father by arranging for an abortion. So why the sudden change of heart? Stopping the adoption will hurt a couple who have agreed to parent the child. Clearly the mother is not ready to raise the child, are you?

An abortion can be a very emotional thing. Obviously the mother felt she couldn't do it. So she did the next best thing, and that's giving the child to someone who truly wants a child.

So my advice is to go into this hearing and agree to the adoption.