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broken_ heart · Mar 4, 2011, 08:53 AM

I don't know what's wrong with me... I don't have any answers to why?

amicon · Mar 4, 2011, 02:24 PM

Sorry I haven't been around for a while,but really-stop doing this to yourself-it's no use playing the same broken record over and over again,so allow yourself a life my dear-don't keep falling for his b******t!!

Only YOU can stop this-please do!

vanheart · Mar 4, 2011, 07:53 PM

Im not sure what's wrong with you either.

What I see is someone that is living some fantasy & not seeing things as they really are.

You never admitted to yourself, not only that's its been over, but more importantly what a liar, cheater & manipulator this guy is.

This says TONS about you.

If someone cheated on me, & got married to that person, they are officially gone. That's enough of a slap in the face.
Not to mention him wanting to get together to suck face. That's your fault.
Hes scum.

I would think about getting some pro help, therapy. Especially, if you can't see on your own what we are seeing.

Why you love being crapped on. Or at least from him.

broken_ heart · Mar 5, 2011, 04:23 AM

I really don't know what happen to me when he is around... I realized and discussed the matter with him too.. and he was also convinced not to meet as you can read in previous post.. but again we met... got intimate... after all that happened... he messaged me the same I told him earlier... he said he is a married man.. I should not talk to him... its not right.. we should stop meeting...
I am feeling very very bad about all this... not because he said not to meet... but because the way he conveyed it to me... was he not married when he got intimate with me... we decided it earlier too that we will not meet but when we see each other.. we just coudnt ignore each other... our offices are adjacent... we see each other... cross each other on daily basis... earlier I thought we could be friends.. but I was wrong in thinking that.. we ended getting intimate.. what hasn't happened in the past... has happened now...
I am very much in stress because of all this... I am all confused... I can't express my feelings properly... but its all not good...

talaniman · Mar 5, 2011, 07:49 AM

You need to love yourself a lot more and treat yourself better, and get a life that you enjoy without him.

What your doing with him is not love, more like a junkie/dope dealer relationship. He knows your hooked, and he keeps you hooked.

Maybe you are both junkies. That's bad.

amicon · Mar 5, 2011, 09:07 AM

Sometimes in life we have to draw a line and say enough is enough.

I wish you find the strength to do that very soon-you deserve so much better than this.

Stringer · Mar 5, 2011, 12:24 PM

I am not sure if this has been mentioned before but I keep getting the feeling that you are needy hon. And with all that has been going on I believe that the suggestion that you seek some professional help is a good one. It does not mean that you are not a good person it simply means that you need a little help with all this, please go to seek some therapy. I sincerely wish you good health.

Stringer

broken_ heart · Mar 18, 2011, 10:30 AM

I also feel that I need help.. things have changed a lot in past few days... its all bad... inspite of all your advices.. I failed to cut contact with him... not only this... I have become something for his fun... I have lost something in myself.. I do realise that my future is dark whatever is happening is all not good for me.. for his wife... but I am a part of it... I won't lie... the feelings like I am doing something bad has stopped coming to me.. may be getting lost in all this... we are physically involved now... whenever it feels convenient to him.. he arrange a meeting... spend some time and then leave... I m all corrupted now... I never feel bad about the time spent with him... its all wrong with me... I tried sometimes not talk... but at the end of the day... it all goes waste.. somewhere I want to end... and somewhere I don't... its alll bad... and me too...

amicon · Mar 18, 2011, 11:27 AM

Heart,it's been 15 months!

And you have allowed yourself to go down this spiral of destruction.

Your selfesteem is shot and you have become his puppy dog.

You really need to see a therapist-a s a p.

You need professional help.

Please get it.

talaniman · Mar 18, 2011, 11:29 AM

You need the right help! GET IT, or keep drowning in your own SHAT!!

broken_ heart · Mar 22, 2011, 09:00 AM

I really want to end it all but I have no strength to convey it to him.. I am scared now.. I don't know how to deal with it..

talaniman · Mar 22, 2011, 09:29 AM

Pick up the phone, and make an appointment.

amicon · Mar 22, 2011, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Pick up the phone, and make an appointment.

That's exactly what you should be doing.

kaka67 · Mar 22, 2011, 02:06 PM

Speak to his wife. Im sure she'll pass on the message.

But seriously aren't you sick of this drama? When you look back at this time in your life you are going to wonder what the hell were you thinking.

broken_ heart · Mar 22, 2011, 09:28 PM

Of course, I am sick of all this.. I do want to end it all... once I tried to say it to him... but he behaved so badly... Tal.. Ami... appointkment? With whom?
Please guide me I want to end it... I can't undo the time which has already passed but I don't want to continue this... and at the same time I don't want any kind of scene to be created... I know the mistake I have done is not a small one.. but continuing with it is going to be more disastrous..
I'm not getting a way to come out of this...

kaka67 · Mar 22, 2011, 11:45 PM

You've already been given advice to help end this.

Your choice is to either tell him its over or too just stop all contact. Change phone numbers, emails etc etc.

If he doesn't respect your wishes and makes a scene go to the police. It all sounds like another reason to keep away from him, not an excuse for you to stay.

I would suggest going away and having time to yourself. If you aren't accepting his contact then he will stop.

If that's what you want then you will do it.

broken_ heart · Mar 23, 2011, 03:54 AM

Thanks kaka.. I am really very much confused.. so much lost that its difficult for me to find solutions by myself. I will do the same. Its going to be difficult again. But its my mistake and I have to suffer all again. Thanks

amicon · Mar 23, 2011, 04:45 AM

Call him and tell him it's o v e r!!
Finito-forever.

Then stick to your decision-NO contact.

And taking time out and going away for a while is a good suggestion.

You need a new perspective on life.

A life that is about you and your future,without this moron in it.

vanheart · Mar 27, 2011, 05:45 PM

Not sure what you are sacred of.

A life without this drama? Your never going to get back, steal him away, or fulfill what you thought was going to happen.
You shouldn't want that anyway. Hes not worth it. Can't you see?

You may like sleeping with him, but, c'mon. Really. Get your self-respect back.

We've given the same advice over & over here. And you aren't listening. You do the opposite.

Then complain.

You say you're sick of this. But it sounds like you're just sick. Get professional help.
Or go NC. Do both.

broken_ heart · Apr 13, 2011, 10:12 AM

Finally, I have done it.. but it took me long time to end this.. lot have been lost because of my stupidity... I don't know what was it that had taken control over me... what should I say it... I don't know... love... lust... madness... or my stupidity... what is it... I can't give a name to it... I hope he will not come back again... I am really tired of all this...