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danyy · Feb 27, 2011, 05:43 AM

During last semester a girl of my class started giving me glaring looks which I noticed two or three times but I just turned my attention to some other work because initially I wasn't interested. Then I and my friend were talking about our group assignment when suddenly she interrupted as she was sitting in my back chair and asked me "What is your topic?" I answered "That finance, but I'm thinking about changing it" and she answered "That you should keep it to finance" and I nodded and turned my head and started talking to my friend. Then my interest in her started to grow after I noticed her looking at me twice or thrice more. Then came our final exams and during my last final she again was looking at me glaringly. During the same day, I went over to my course coordinator and asked for fee submission date and came to know that Monday was the last date, so I was stuck with what to do, she and her friend were also in the same room. I was talking to the coordinator when suddenly her friend said that I should extend my fee date and she looked at me and said the same. I said Ok. Now comes this, my last semester. On the very first day, I went to the same coordinator's office to have my course waived off, when suddenly she came in the office too for her own work. I asked her that what is her problem and she said that she wanted to take an additional course and I guided her what to do and all. Then I was going to my class when suddenly she sitting in her group of friends and suddenly called me “Daniyal DaniyaL' . I turned around and she asked “what became of your problem” I answered the whole thing with interest and that was it. Now what has happened is that I now receive no signals from her, no more. I have talked to her thrice on matters regarding studies and in which auditorium is our class etc. But I don't receive any signals from her.
Two or three basic things to know here is that she covers her head, secondly she talks to people generally from our who come and ask her about something and lastly she also has a group mate who is her good friend with whom she shares a laugh or two also
My question is that was it all a general thing that happened or not? Because as far as I know she never initiates a talk with a guy and someone like me with there hasn't even been a "Hi or a hello". I have never heard calling a guy with his name with whom she doesn't have a talk with. Also, I never knew her name six months before this and she had been in my class since a year and a half and now she has grown on me and I do not know what to do.
Next, I was very frustrated because I had asked her about some concert tickets if she wanted to buy from me and she answered that she'll tell me but she did not, and my friend told me that there is no point in thinking about her etc. etc. The same day I went to my class and sat with my friend. HEr friends entered and said something to the teacher and I shook my head and put my head down, next she entered and while I was holding my head down came and asked "Ahmed, have u done the quiz?' I asked "which quiz", she answered "Supply chain" i answered "Yes" She again said "Supply chain" i said "yes I've done it" and she went.
I did not talk to her for 2 days and then again had a conversation but i get the feeling that she isn't very into the conversation.
On 14 feb yup the valentine's day, i had decided again that i wouldn't initiate now, but our class was due to end at 2 pm. Her friend with whom she comes hurriedly went out of the class at 1:50 pm, she was also about to leave when the teacher asked her to stay until the class gets over.She was sitting, i went upto her and said "Could you talk to me 2 minutes after the class ends" and she said "YEs" I waited and after the class was over, I went out and she was gone and that was something that I felt really bad. COuld anyone help me with my dilemma ***?? ***

dimorphous · Feb 27, 2011, 06:22 AM

If it is this confusing before you even start into any kind of relationship with her, imagine what it might be like once you did. We tend to be attracted subconsciously due to environment, genetics, etc. to personalities that would not be the best for us. If you want a complicated, vexing relationship, then just ask her to an afternoon at a local park, zoo. Somewhere non threatening with plenty of other stimulus should the conversation drag, which sounds possible. Otherwise, take it somewhere else. Plenty of fish and all that.

danyy · Feb 27, 2011, 08:11 AM

U mean to say that her friends are the ones who have damaged my image in her eyes? One thing I ought to tell you is this. Her friends who have just recently become her friends had a spat with my very good friend (fahad) and I was involved in the incident but I did not have an argument with them but the situation became tense, so much so that one of her friend told my friend that "I won't spare him" but the girl whom I'm after wasn't involved in the incident. This happened during last semeseter, but still she talked with me when I wasn't turned on even. The whole conversation of calling my name happened after this inceident in front of the same friends. Now, what do you say? Was it all a general conversation that happens between class mates.
I don't think she was fishing as she is not that sort if a girl, she covers her head with scarf and she doesn't probably initiate a conversation with other males, but with me she did I think~!

dimorphous · Feb 28, 2011, 05:32 AM

Culturally speaking I think the situation is over my head.

Cat1864 · Feb 28, 2011, 06:17 AM

If she is a traditional young woman (I would guess that her family is too), how permissible would it be for her to initiate contact beyond asking about classes and classwork? How careful does she have to be to not appear to be crossing boundaries set by the culture in which she lives?

Would it be more permissible for you to ask her to have coffee with you or to share lunch and get to know each other?

danyy · Mar 1, 2011, 12:25 AM

Ok if she is traditional girl, then she could have at least waited for me outside to listen to what I had to say if it is that hard for her to initiate a conversation. But she did not. Would signal would I get when she does acts so confusing and does not wait to listen to me.?

Cat1864 · Mar 1, 2011, 05:00 AM

Danyy, I don't know why she didn't wait to talk to you. She would be the one to ask. All I can do is give you thoughts to consider. A reason she may not have been able to wait even if it was what she wanted. Her ride home may have demanded that she leave immediately.

Have you seen her since that day? If so, has her behavior toward you changed?

danyy · Mar 1, 2011, 06:12 AM

Yes, her ride may have demanded her to go leave immediately, but she would have had enough courtesy to talk to me the next working day,actually the next two days were holidays, so I am mentioning the next working day. Yes, I have seen her after that day, I think she was looking at me secretly in class, but I did not look at her. She did not make any effort to talk to me anyway.
Secondly, let me ask u. Wouldn't u have waited if you like someone, even if your ride demanded you to leave immediately?

talaniman · Mar 1, 2011, 07:07 AM

How old are you. Wouldn't it be disrespectful of her to openly show you attention? You must remember that any signals you perceive may be through your own concerns, and instead of trying to read signals, being friendly and getting to know her as a classmate might be better than wondering what signals she is or isn't sending.

danyy · Mar 2, 2011, 12:09 AM

Ok don't u think it is disrespectful to keep one waiting while u leave?? With what face will I go and talk to her now?? What did she do was appropriate?

Cat1864 · Mar 2, 2011, 06:25 AM

Please use full words such as you instead of u. Please do not use 'chat speak'. It is against site rules and can result in your post being deleted and/or your thread being closed. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules

Here is a lesson for you in communicating with other people: Talk to them and find out what happened instead of making a mountain out of a pile of dirt. She didn't wait. There could be a very good reason, but only she knows why.

Stop treating this incident as though she stood you up for a date that had been planned months in advance. At best, it was a spur of the moment request by you and acceptance by her if there weren't any miscommunication involved.

If you weren't so caught up in 'her behavior', the next time you saw her you would have asked what happened instead of getting miffed. Believe it or not, that is what friends do.

You have said that she appears to be 'Traditional'. Are you?

danyy · Mar 2, 2011, 08:32 AM

I agree to you, but I am pointing to the fact that she did not wait could be a signal that she wanted to avoid the coversation on 14 feb and you know why? What do you recommend?

Cat1864 · Mar 2, 2011, 10:01 AM

Danyy, I don't know what is going through her mind or what her circumstances are. I have even less of an idea of what you are wanting. Do you know?

You have a choice to make:

1. You stop trying to build a relationship with her. Accept that she is a classmate and acquaintance and nothing else. If your backgrounds are very different, that may be your best option.

2. You apologize for the miscommunication and ask her to set another time to talk. A time that both of you know about in advance.

3. You ask what happened the other day after class and ask her if she would be available to talk at another time.

4. You act like Feb. 14 didn't happen and you ask her if she would like to study with you or strike up a conversation and talk to her like you would any other friend.

5. You act like Feb. 14 didn't happen and you ask her if she would like to see you outside of class for maybe coffee or lunch (something that gives you a chance to talk and has no expectations for anything more than getting to know each other.).

No matter what you decide to do, keep it simple and stop over-thinking it.

southamerica · Mar 2, 2011, 10:18 AM

danyy-My initial impression is that you are:

A) new to the dating scene
B) a super over-analyzer

A trick (though I don't like to call it that) to dating is that you don't over-analyze (i.e. taking every small action as a deliberate move). You don't know what the professor/teacher had to talk to her about after class, and that conversation might have completely distracted her from your *extremely* casual request to chat with her.

I think the advice already given here is the only course of action you should take: forget about the fact that she didn't come and talk to you (it's seriously not a big deal) and just talk with her some other time. Be calm and don't over-analyze! That will kill dating almost every time!

danyy · Mar 3, 2011, 08:10 AM

The professor had nothing to say. I have no time to know her better as this is our last semester and with merely 20 working days left. Now what?

talaniman · Mar 3, 2011, 10:42 AM

You never did answer the age question, but its either inexperience, or impatiences, but you trying to make head way with any female because of a stupid, artificial deadline will not work.

20 days is more than enough time for any male to establish some kind of talking arrangement with any female. You are not trying to get a wife but just establish communications. Get her comfortable enough to acknowledge you, and feel comfortable chatting and maybe getting a phone number.

Again,how old are you?

danyy · Mar 3, 2011, 08:45 PM

Ok I'm 21. Secondly, there aren't even 20 days she would be going to a debate competition in Malasis on 12 and return on 23 march. Semester ends at 10 April. I have practically very few days left. Tell me in a nutshell, what to do? Should I say to her about our friendship straight away?

talaniman · Mar 4, 2011, 06:09 AM

Dude, you see her every day, ask her if you can call her over the phone.

danyy · Mar 5, 2011, 04:06 AM

Yeah I'll be talking to her on Wednesday. But boy her type is over my head. I was dead sure initially that she liked me but how things have changed and I have started to question my own perception. How can a change be so dramatic?

First you go out of the way to talk and then you start doing this. I very much fear rejection, that is going to hurt me real bad!

talaniman · Mar 5, 2011, 07:59 AM

Your perception are clouded by your own feelings, one of hope that she liked you, then by fear to do anything about it. She hasn't changed, its you battling yourself.