[ak6234]

I think my boyfriend likes my sister... Because whenever we hangoout he always shoows so much interets in her... He always bugs her... And I always see them exchanging eye contact its really weirding me out, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years... And we get along great he just is really flirty and he even agrees with me... Like when we go out and such with his guy friends and there girlfriends... Hes always the one talking to the girls.. Even his buddy got mad when my boyfriend and his girlfriend were talking so much... I once talk to my boyfriend about and he agreed he's flirty but not in a way that it'll lead to anything.. So I believe him... and its not like he had any girlls as friends so I'm not really worried... But now with my sister... Like usually when I feel a bad vibe with him and another girl we dontn hang out with them anymore... But my sister I can't just cut her out of my life... And weird thing I met my boyfriend through my sisters ex boyfriend at first when all of us used to hangout me my boyfriend, my sister and her boyfriend used to be fun.. But not she's single... And whenever I tell her my problems she always acts like she knows him more then me..? Its so weird... And then when they're together.. I never really noticed.. But they always talk to each other... And he always be's annoying to her... It's like why are you giving her attention.. Im right here.. It kind of bugs me.. And its been going on forever to the point I don't even want to talk to my sister anymore... Hes this sweet guy with me.. But when he's with my sister.. Hes different and kind of act like a pig.. and whenever my sister drinks she'll always ask for his cigerte?? That to bigs me... I just don't know what to do? Am I over reacting... Is my boyfriend just a flirrt that I should just deal with it... Or did he always like her... and just date me because I'm her sister.. I don't even know..

[adviceishere]

Why are you getting mad at your sister when you know its your boyfriend doing the flirting? Blood is thicker than water and if his flirting is starting to bother you then you need to have it out with him, he's clearly coming between you and your sister, and if it doesn't stop then you need to find a guy that only has attention for you! You sound like a really laid back girl (I wouldn't be OK with harmless flirting, but that's just me) and I wish I could be as OK with flirting like you. So that's why this needs to be sorted, what if something does happen? What if this guy does let flirting go further? Then your good nature, and laid back spirit may get ruined, if he done something on you then the next guy wouldn't be so lucky as to find a nice laid back type of girl because you will have lost some trust. So nip this in the bud now before you get more mad at your sister...

[ak6234]

I know I hate that I've been acting like this, me and my sister used to get along so well. It's turning me into a really mean person. Whenever I talk about his flirtatiousness with my boyfriend he makes it seem like I'm just a jealous person.. But honestly I don't think I am. Its been a problem since the 3rd month we've been dating. When I first noticed the way he was.. I wasn't cool with it at all.. but he made such a big deal out of it.. saying it's the person you fell in love with I can't change... so I guess I just learned to live with it... in the back of my mind I do worry it might lead to something. I always bug him here and there though saying if I acted what he acts with girls to one of your buddys.. you would get just as mad as me and sometimes he agrees with me he said he's going to try and cut down but really he hasn't, so I let him off the hook for a bit(at least he's trying right?)... but now its acting up again but with my sister.. It's the worst feeling ever. I don't know if I should tell him or not?

Like when we're alone together he's such a sweetheart.. its just when we hangout with other people.. he tends to make me feel like a third wheel.. when really he should be giving his most attention to me! :( I don't think I could ever break up with him though.. I do trust and think his intentions are good he just puts me down a lot without realizing it and feeds other girls egos more then mine. I don't know what my next step should be.. we've been having the same argument for so long.. but it never changes :(

[adviceishere]

Sounds like he's got a bit of social anxiety, sounds odd considering he talks a lot when your out together, but he clearly needs to feel better about himself when your around other people, he puts you down which makes him look better or feel better by picking on you, and no he's not the guy you fell in love with because this side only came out on the 3rd month, I don't really know what to tell you cause its tough, but you definitely need to get back on track with your sister! Ask her does she notice he flirts with her and ask for her advice too :) ask would she put up with one of her boyfriends flirting with you. You say this is turning you into someone your not, this can't go on, he's changing you and if you don't end it with him or sort him out you will probably get worse, if you ask me id dump him, I know you say you can't but one of these days you will crack and end it, but please start making an effort with your sister. Sorry I couldn't be much help. Hopefully someone else answers :)

[answerme_tender]

I agree with adviceishere---Its not your sister whom is the problem. It's the boyfriend. You have been going out with this guy for 2years,and yet notice that he is outwardly flirty since the 3rd month. Umm hello, sounds like you are aware of the situation, yet you conintue to turn a blind eye until you can't take it anymore!!

If you think he is going to change for you, then you need to take time to read some of the stickys on this site. There are plenty posted by others thinking that they could get their boyfriend/girlfriend to change for them, but they NEVER DO!!

So you need to decide if your willing to keep putting up with this behavior to point it changes your personality. You WILL CHANGE even more then you already have, you will continue to become a jealous individual, constantly worrying if he is following through on those flirts, who is he flirting with at work, etc.. You will become such a jealous B**ch that no one will be able to stand you.

Your choice to make here. Don't you want someone who you don't have to constantly worry about when it comes to loyalty, or if he thinks another woman is better then you.

Take care

[adviceishere]

Hear hear! :)

[I wish]

It's obviously bothering you a lot and you can tell yourself that you can try to accept this part about him, but if it's not your sister, it's going to be another girl. You can't force him to ignore every girl that you don't appreciate him interacting with.

The problem is, this is part of his personality and asking him to back off from girls is telling him not be himself. If you can't accept this part about him, then maybe you're better off finding someone else who doesn't give you so much insecurities.

That being said, there's two other angles to view this. In his defence, he's doing the flirting in front of you, as long as he's not doing things behind your back. On the other hand, he's obviously doing something that bothers you, you already mentioned it to him yet he persists. So that doesn't bold well because it seems like he doesn't care that it bothers you.

[talaniman]

I can understand your feelings, and he has tried to be more attentive, and less flirty in public, but that only worked for a bit. I don't really think he is doing any thing wrong, just being himself.

Talk to your sister, and see if she sees the same things you do, as I honestly think you, and your boyfriend have different styles, and approaches to life, and you have a hard time adjusting to his. Guys are always slow to learn, and make adjustments, but thinking you will change him because your not comfortable with the way he is, that's not reasonable, or fair.

For sure though if this continues to be an issue, then you either have to change yourself, or change the relationship, by leaving, but that's pretty drastic, as I think you may be a bit insecure, since you suspect your own sister of whatever. You are right though, he may never change, nor should he, he is who he is.

What? You thought he was perfect, or something?

[Jake2008]

My opinion is, trust your instincts, and try to understand and see that his behaviour (right or wrong) bothers you, and you are uncomfortable with his flirtatious nature. And, you are also uncomfortable with your sister, who in my opinion, has no business flirting back with him, when she knows she makes you uncomfortable doing it.

You have only two choices. Realize that you are not 'wrong' or being insecure or have something wrong with you. You feel the way you feel, and you can't rationalize that away as being your problem. You can't fix the way you feel, because you feel that way because of his behaviour. So the first choice is, deciding on whether to keep torturing yourself with a boyfriend, who's behaviour is not likely to ever change.

The second choice is to realize that because you cannot change anybody's behaviour but your own, realize that it is a bad idea to cut your sister out of your life, in order to somehow get your boyfriend to be less interested in other women. In other words, accept him, and the situations you find yourself in with him, as they are.

You probably fell for him in the first place, because he was outgoing, funny, and flirtatious, just as other women find him now. That he has not settled down, knowing how uncomfortable you are feeling, even enough to stop the b.s. with your sister, says to me that it's time to consider moving on.

It's your call, and your life. It only matters how you feel, and how you decide to handle this. Nothing has anything to do with your sister, or him, or any of the other girls he flirts with.

Take it or leave it.

[ak6234]

I talked to my sister today and we solved things. She even says that he's not flirty at all he's just being social and funny, its me that has the social issues, I am very jealous person and I lettle insecure. Now I'm going to share some of our fights we had.. so you guys can gudge if I'm really the problem or if he is...

The first couple of time we fought because he was beign flirty was


1. He invited his brother over for a little party and his brother invited 2 swimsuit models.. not really but I got a little intimidated.. so we were all having fun enjoying ourselves everybody got pretty drunk and decided to go into the hottub.. I said no because its getting pretty late.. I had to work the next day so I decided to call it a night.. my boyfriend came down to the bedroom with me and asked if he could go in the hotub too.. then said jk like he's going to go into the hottub with 2 girls.. and I just said you can do whatever you want.. then saying he should come into bed with me.. then he said he had to go to the washroom... around 15mins later... he came down with the bottom of his capris wet.. so obvi he went by the hottub maybe stuck his feet in.. So he lied to me.. I confronted him and he admitted to it.. and said brb... he's going to go up again "for the chips" so when he came back down again.. I was furious.. I got so upset that he had to make up these lies to go up there... like why can't he just come down and cuddle with me.. am I that boring he has to hangout with other girls then we had a big fight.. and he ended up sleeping on the couch...

The next day we talked in the morning... and he said I was being a little to jealous that he just wanted to hangout with his friends.. he works all week and has the weekends off and wanted to enjoy himself.. I was the one who had to work on the weekends so really when I thought about it.. I agreed said I was being a suck.. so we forgave each other..

2. Another night My boyfriend brought over his friend and his girlfriend for some wine.. we were all having fun I really got along with the girl. We started playing monoply.. the my boyfriend started messing with the girls hair.. then I kind of got weirded out.. her boyfriend then said she's been working on her hair for an hour and they were all laughing but I was mad.. like the only girls hair you should messign around with should be mine.. I didn't really let it get to me.. so we continued to play... then his brother came over and was all like I'm bring these hot girls over.. and my boyfriend was so interested... wich got me a little jealous again.. and the girls came over and all the guys went outside to let them in.. So me and the first girl were chatting in the bedroom. I was thinking.. getting mad again how fast he went upsetairs to see the "hot girls" then when they all came downstairs they walkd right past us to the brothers bedroom... I was mad just wanted to stay in the room but the girl said we should see what they're doing... we go into the bedroom and my boyfriends chatting away with the girl... I got upset and sat on the bed and the girl that's chatting with my boyfriend.. her brother came over too and he started talking to me... and I was getting annoyed I didn't want to talk to this little kid... I'm wondering my boyfriend is leaving me out then eventually he come to sit with me.. and they all go upstairs again to go in the hotub my boyfriend then said I should put my bathing suit on.. but I was mad.. so we got into an argument then he got upset saying I should stop getting jealous like this its not healthy... he didn't go into the hottub instead stayed with me but I was mad.. so I ignored him.

That was around the 3rd month we've been dating.. after that he's been behaving when we hangout with girls he always kind of brings me along and introduses me.. but still is a little flirty.. I don't make a big deal of it anymore cause I don't want to fight..

3. Our 3rd fight kind of recent.. the brother moved out. And he invited us over he only had 1 girl over... we all were drinking having a good time... the girls thong was like poping out.. she kind of looked trashy.. but we stilll got along... then I went to the washroom my boyfriend callled me over too the kitchen and was like look look he grabbed her thong string and let go.. and still they were all laughing around I didn't think it was funy.. so I just went to call it a ngiht.. when we were heading home... I brought it up and we got into a fight.. this time he agreed with me he was in the wrong... and I broguht up the there time we fought too.. saying I can't put up with it.. he have to cut off the flirting or at least try.. and surprosingly he said he's going to try and eventually stop

4. It was new years.. and we were all driving to this house party.. My sster and my boyfriend are really chatting like the whole way there... and I got jealous again.. when we arrived to the party there still really talking.. but I didn't want it to get to me.. so I was still enjoing myself.. and tryign to talk with them... then my boyfriend went out to smoke.. he was outsdie for so long.. then I went to see what was going on.. and my sister is there.. and they're sharign a smoke.. I got weirded out.. and then went to the upstairs level I don't really remember what else happened next but then we started to head home they dropped us off to the hotel and my sister who is still wired was like can I come to the hotel with you guys... we all paused.. and hen she said noo no never mind I wasn't thinking.. so we went to the hotel I was so tired... and just slept...

Now this is our most recent fight.. my boyfriend came over to watch a movie with the fam jam.. and my sister was there... they get along really well and have a lot in common so I guess I can see why I get jealous... and they're more closer in age then me and my boyfriend are.. so we're watching this cooking show.. and then there was this guy who named the hotdog the big polish.. and my boyfriend is polish and was like... Yeah it is.. while staring at my sister.. then I just couldn't take it.. I snapped. I told my boyfriend to come meet me at the door and said that was unnapropiate.. and kicked him out.

That's when I came to this website.. and poured out my feelings..
I took this first girls advice and talked to my sister and that's when she explained there's nothing going on.. it has to be me that has major insecurities.. I then talked to my boyfriend.. and explained.. that I'm so insecure.. I feel like everygirl around you is a better fit for you then I am.. this is why I keep getting jealous and going crazyy.. but if you really want to make this work he's going to have to help me. I'm to the point I don't even care what he thinks.. I'm pouring out my feelings.. and he actually said he's going to help and that he loves me so much.. if he really liked my sister he wouldn't have dated me to begin with.. So we're all better now.. I'm just afraid now if my jealousy is going to act up again :( or is it really me.. or him?



Like am I overexagggerating in the previous fights? Was it something I should have got mad at?

[answerme_tender]

I guess my thing is that if you are tired of the fighting all the time and frustrated with his flirting personality, then why continue. A relationship has its ups and downs, but you are not married and you seem at your wits end with this part of his personality.

Him flirting will more then likely always be part his personality, and Im not go so say that having that trait is something that you can't live with. Listen that is why we date is to see if the person has more traits that we appreciate versus can't tolerate. If the scale tips to the can't tolerate we simply move on. We don't settle and think we can force them to change.

I sorry but it will be a choice for you to make on what you can or cannot live with. You might also ask yourself if you have ever shown just jealous traits in any other relationships? If you have, then this maybe a problem that you need to deal with before making this decision or entering into any other relationship!!


Take care

[talaniman]

How old are you all??

[ak6234]

Yeah I have looked at my past relationships. I've been like this evrytime I never been in a long relationship like this one before alll the past ones I didn't really care for and just ended it bcause I didn't want to put up with it.. but this guy he's actually a keeper he's so sweet and I love everything about him just the flirting part but I think I can live with it.. I'm even a flirt too so I don't know why I get so mad.. I guess I'm just an attention seeker and want all of his attention..

I'm 20 years old, my boyfriend is 24 and my sister is 23

And its not like he's always the bad one... if anything girls are the ones who go to him.. he's a really likeable guy.. and it gets me mad because it looks like these girls are hitting on him.. and when he talks back to them it looks like he likes them too..

[I wish]

At 20 years old, you still have some growing to do. Though he can be more sensitive about the way he interacts with girls, considering that he's a committed relationship, I do think that your insecurities play a huge role.

The problem is, if it's not this guy, your next boyfriend will also face the same problems. So it's not necessarily your current boyfriend's problem.

I suggest you focus on building a strong relationship with your boyfriend. Worry about your interactions with him. Don't worry so much about the ones around you, because if you have a strong relationship, then you will feel more secure when he talks to other people.

But he probably flirts a little bit too much, so it's good that you brought up your concerns.

Again, it's something that I believe that both of you need to work on. It's not entirely one person's fault.

[answerme_tender]

Well if you have displayed this jealous trait to every relationship you have been in then apparently this isn't his problem as it is yours! No offense, but constant jealousy just gets ugly and controlling usually to the point that he/she gets dumped. No one wants to have deal with that all time.

Have you ever tried to get help with your jealousy, and I mean going to a counselor. They can help you get control over this so you don't continue to jeopardize your relationships.

If he is worth your love then he is worth you getting help with this part of your personality. Then continue to just build this relationship from there.
Take care

[ivie454]

Tell him to stop. And find a reason if it bugs you so much that you can't take it you might want to tell him stop or I well leave.