[sborukaeva]

I'm 18 and have been with my boyfriend for now 1 year and as most relationships start, it was AMAZING, but we've had so many problems, he's lied cheated lied lied lied cheated lied... you get the pattern.. and I will admit I haven't always been the best girlfriend.. I cheated on him in September but two days later the guilt was eating me up and I told him, I took all the consequences that went with it, only to find out a week later I was pregnant but it was 100% my boyfriends... the last thing he said to me the day I found out I was pregnant was if I kept it he'd be there FOR me but not be WITH me, but if I got rid of it he'd stay by me. So I chose the relationship over our child because he was saying things like I can't sacrifice for him and sh*t like that so I flipped and said I can't sacrifice what do think this abortion is all about?

During the abortion ( a medical one) he took me on the Monday and stayed while I took the first pill, the next day while I was half way through this he was meant to see me that night... he however rung me and said get an early night, because you have a long day tomorrow, and told me his friend was having girlfriend problems this hurt me so bad, but it was his best friend so I said okay, only to find out another friend came along and they just chilled.

The next day Wednesday, I spent the day in hospital to finish the procedure and he promised he'd bring me magazines chocolates etc, as you weren't allowed to have anyone stay for the privacy of the other 5 girls in ward with me. He didn't, he bought a Nuts magazine which I asked for as a joke and I didn't even get to take it home because he wanted it. During the 6 weeks I was pregnant.. he proposed the next night we had an argument because I'd helped one of my best boy friend's catch up on some math so he could pass his engineering exam to get onto the course.. ( this honest to god was the most innocent thing possible.. he was at my house for about an hour and my family was home and with my help he got onto his course) he knew I helped him but then found out he was at my house, which I was sure I told him but I guess now, anyway he started being stupid saying I didn't love him and I just love the idea of a boyfriend, this made me upset because he'd just told me the engagements off I then got up and went in the garden to cool off... he followed me out and we carried on arguing.. he said some more horrible things at which point I'd had enough so pushed past him to walk away, just away from him.. he pulled me back and I tried again this time he grabbed my shoulders and made me fall on the floor, hitting my head I just lay there in shock, I couldn't believe he'd just done that to me.

After that I was just plain scared of the boy. The father of the child inside me... That weekend after the abortion we went to a concert together with his cousin his cousins girlfriend and another friend. On the way there he was on BBM (blackberry messeger) to someone with a screen name of PJC.. in my gut I knew who this was... his ex ( who he CANNOT stay away from!) and I asked who it was and he said a friend from work called jack bradley.. COME ON! Pjc and jack bradley I wasn't effing stupid! But I left it and asked the other girl with us to find out the ex's BBM name... it was PJC... this was inside the venue... so I went to the toilet to calm down and came back and he kept asking what was wrong etc.. I denied anything at first then got so angry I grabbed him by the head and pulled his head to mine so I could speak in his ear.. I simply said.. I know.. Its her! I know it is! So stop ****ing lying to me! I don't deserve this ****! He was like I'm sorry I'm sorry what do you want me to do baby? Look I'll delete her.. look I've deleted her now.. I was like I don't give a ****! The night just went on and I pretended nothing happened because we were in company... when I got home I was on the phone to him and he was crying begging me not to dump him, I being the ****head I am said no I won't finish you blah.. blah.. blah.. I ask is there anything I need to know he says no.

Only to find a week or so later his ex texts him and I text back saying JUST STOP TEXTING ME! She says back what the *****? You weren't like that when you asked me to come round last Friday! (that Friday was 2 days after my abortion) so I ran upstairs as we were in his cousins house and cried my eyes out and he came up after me and was on his knees wiping away my tears looking me in the eye swearing on my life she was a liar and he would never do that to me.. never!

I again believed this because in my eyes this guy is god's gift! He's my absolute everything, but sadly a week or so later when I was in his bed with him asleep I started texting his ex and she told me the truth.. I woke him up and calmly asked him.. she came didn't she?. he waited a while and said yes.. in the same tone I asked another question... did you ask her to come see you? ( because he's swore on everything possible she just showed up) and he just looked down and said yes...

I got out of bed and just got dressed and asked to be taken home NOW! He started getting upset and crying and hitting things his dad came in and started shouting at him... he said what the hell is all this? And my boyfriend went she's dumping me OK! He dad looked at me and said are you sure this is what's right to do.. I just said back.. I've tried.. I've tried so hard.. I just can't anymore. Again after this I got back with him... and since October he's had a new number, and he's calmed down with all this sh*t he does.

Now there's another problem.. I just don't feel wanted.. I don't feel loved anymore.. after all these months I'm seeking professional help about my abortion and he's not really to bothered about it... recently we had an argument the night before my 18th... and he was staying at mine because my family was away... I went to bed at 11 so upset and fell asleep crying.. I woke up at 1 and was still alone so I rang him and he was downstairs on the sofa... at 4:30 I woke up alone again and went downstairs and he was asleep on the sofa.. I haven't felt like such **** in a long long long time... he came up because I woke him up and said what are you doing? Why have you left me alone? So he came up and we got into bed and I said why did you leave me? He was like you made me angry I was proving a point, I said this isn't the first time I've made you angry, you've never not come to bed, you've never left me alone... he said sorry but you just made me angry.. then we had make up sex, but it didn't even mean anything. It wasn't special nothing.. just sex... thinking things over at like 5am, I realised what he was basically saying is I deserved to wake up alone on my birthday... this was 4 days ago now, and its only got worse..

I spoke to him 2 nights ago and told him I'm scared he's just not into me anymore, not attraction.. he said if I wasn't I would have told you.. I had to actually tell him that what I need is some reassurance! Even then he was like I JUST TOLD YOU!! If I didn't feel attracted to you id ****ing tell you! ( yelling at me by now ) I spent my whole birthday trying to get him to cuddle me and kiss me and I got jack ****! I got the smallest amount of it ever! I stayed over that night and the next evening went home, before I went home he started kissing me and touching me and got horny so wanted sex, hours before this I was sitting on him hoping to get some spark... we were alone in the house and he said no we can't (usually he'd jump to the chance and we'd rush upstairs) but now just before I had to go we had sex. So we had it when it suited him.. not when I was straddling as he developed an erection and then turned me down.

Yesterday... we never make plans to see each other.. we just see each other.. and I asked last night, so when do I see you? And he said but we haven't made plans? I said we never make plans EVER! We just see each other, and he was like oh sorry, but my mums been nagging me to clean my rooms for weeks so I'm doing that tonight. And I have no petrol money ( which I know is true ) but he kept pushing me off the phone saying he's going to eat, or watch TV with family, or play Xbox... in the end he didn't clean his room.. he spent the night playing Xbox.. Today I've been texting him really nicely calling him baby :) saying I'm so excited to see you and I just feel like he's forcing himself to act the same way back... I just don't think he loves me anymore... he's been yelling at me a lot recently and we've argued so much!

Please help.. I'm so so drained.. even my family are saying, what has happened to you.. your miserable! My boyfriend says every relationship goes through problems... but surely this isn't right... please help someone :( I'm just so lost and trapped and genuinely think I'm depressed.

[answerme_tender]

Its way beyond time to get the heck out of this relationship. How much more do you have to give up to keep this loser around. You have given up yourself respect, your general happiness,emotional stability, oh and chose this piece of sh*t over your child. Do you have anything left?

You are a young woman who isn't married to this sorry excuse of human flesh, so the question comes back on you--WHY would you continue to be nothing more then a after thought to him. Why not pick yourself up and move on, the pain that you will feel leaving CANNOT be even come close to the pain he has already put you through. Are you worried about being lonley---hate to tell you, you are already alone!! When he is off cheating behind your back and you know it and forgive him because he begs/pleads/shed some tears/ you are as alone as another person can possibley get!!

Please take time to really take a good look at this mess of relationship your in. Then take some steps by telling your family that you need to get some counseling. Young lady, you need a place to and get some professional help to help you get over this dependency with this creep and the loss of your child. Let this counselor help you get started with the future.

No one deserves to be treated like there are crap under someone else's feet. However if you continue to chose this way of life, I hope you decide to NEVER bring a child into this type of relationship. A child deserves a loving environment, and of course he has shown you sooo much love, I can only guess how he would show a child. But then again how would you as a Mother be? You continue to follow his commands to keep his attention, even when you know his attention seems to wonder!!

I hope you take those steps to better your life, the is whole world out there it seems a shame to settle with the what you have--MOST Wouldn't!!

Take care

[redhed35]

You have been together for a year and he has lied and cheated his way though it,and you forgive and take it every time, a few tears and he's back in your bed.. easy peasy.

You both stuck in a circle of drama after drama,I would go as far to say addicted to it, the highs are amazing the lows are shocking, neither of you can live in the middle, or forgotten how to. No wonder your emotionally spent,this yo-yo relationship is more hardship then loving, I'm sure your family and friends are sick to their back teeth of it too.

So what is it exactly you want to do this time?

Try and fix it,I doubt it can be done, or walk away,again I don't think you can do it on your own.

Have you suffered enough yet? Can you walk away, because that's the best thing to do, for you, for him, for everyone tangled up in this relationship.

[talaniman]

I think you are depressed and need to deal with that first, and then make a healthy decision for yourself. You really need some time away to get your head together, and re evaluate your relationship, and what you want for yourself, and from him. But YOU must be HEALTHY first.