[sinsontl]

I've been feeling really awful about something: I'm 23, (female) about to graduate from college, and I've never been in any kind of relationship at all (or even had sex). All through middle and high school I was severely depressed without even really knowing that there was an actual chemical reason, and I've been so busy with college work that nothing's just actually HAPPENED. Everyone tells me I'm very pretty and I'm generally friendly (and no longer depressed), and I've met nice guys, but no one that I'm really "interested" in that way. I feel like a complete loser, but at the same time I don't want to hook up with some random guy just to get it over with-- I'd like sex (when I have it) to mean something. Am I just crazy?

[adviceishere]

No you are not crazy! You are as perfect as a lady gets, I say lady because that's how you act, there are far too many girls around that jump into bed with the wrong people (including me when I was younger and I am extremely ashamed of that part of my life). You respect yourself so much and it's a lovely quality to have. A friend of mine was exactly like you and when she eventually did have sex with a man she loved she married him! It took me so long so find a nice man that wouldn't use me and it was because I didn't have enough respect for myself, until now, I'm 23 and settling down but I wish I could erase that part of my life so much! Whe you DO find someone it is more likely to be a long lasting relationship, because you will take it slow until your ready, meaning you will get to know each other properly first and YOU can decide if he deserves your body or not, you have a lot of power and control over your own life, so get out there and find some excitement, (not with a man) find a hobby or club and you will eventually see your life pieacing together, your only 23 after all so don't settle for anyone, I'm sure you won't :)

[talaniman]

You aren't crazy, you are perfect. You have your head on straight, priorities in order, and no baggage to stop you from dong, and accomplishing anything you want. Just have some good clean adult fun, as you build a life that you enjoy, and have a great time picking, and choosing the right guy for,yourself.

Take your time, there is no hurry.

[Jake2008]

It must be very difficult for you, at your age, in your world, to not be sexually active. I mean that in a way that your peers for the most part, are sexually active with multiple partners. And, it isn't so much a choice of 'just sex' in my opinion, but an accepted part of a lifestyle.

It is pretty much a given that meaningless sex, with multiple partners, is part of the dating process in many regards. Many don't give sex as much thought as they do which colour nail polish to wear to a party, or which outfit to wear. It has become non-consequential and meaningless. We get many relationship questions here in this forum, after the fact, when young women will post that they can't understand why they never got a second date, after having sex right off the bat. They felt 'compatable' in every way, and where a young woman immediately turns to thinking 'relationship', and young man turns to moving on. Not always, for the sake of being called discriminatory, but just my opinion here.

It is sad to me that these same people move on to relationships past the college years, and I often wonder if because of that lifestyle itself, if that contributes to the 50% divorce rate. It's not just about the sex, but the lack of understanding on relationships themselves. How they develop, for all the right reasons, beyond the initial attraction. There is no understanding of what a relationship is, or how to build anything together over the long haul, and again, we get a lot of questions from people who complain that sex has gone out the window. Yet they can't see past their noses to realize that sex is a very small part of anybody's life, and when that is taken out of the relationship, they are unable to deal with real life situations. Lack of sex is seen then as the problem, but it is all the other problems, that cause the lack of sex, that many cannot see. That expectation, has to start somewhere.

So try to think of this situation you are in as a good investment in your future, your emotional health, and you having the right mindset won't see you compromise to such a degree that you resort to a lifetsyle, with long term consequences, that you don't want.

And when you find someone, and you will, who is of a similar mind about sex, I guarantee you, you will be in the successful group of relationships that last, and for all the right reasons.

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Jake2008 again.

You nailed that one Jake!! Sex is not the end all be all of a relationship.

[answerme_tender]

I am impressed that your have enough self confidence to know what you want and what you won't settle for just to be "in the crowd". I see where so many young people assume relations are achieved almost the same as buy a vehicle. They seem to think letting some take them out for a ride is something special, and then don't understand why they weren't purchased!! Everyone is out looking for their brand of car that is special to them. They don't mind if they are brand new or used slightly, because they just know it's the car that suits them.

Give yourself credit for sticking with your instincts---that takes character!!

Take care

[adviceishere]

LOL that's one way of putting it! Hey how do you write in the "thumbs up & thumbs down little box when you give your vote? Thanks for my little thumbs up there :)