[mmendez0511]

I am going to try to make this very long story short. Im stuck. I met him 3 years ago & that's when I lost all my sanity & common sense. We were officially together for 3-5 months but we were so in love. It ended when an ex-girlfriend came back in to his life in May of 08, he said he still had feelings for. So even though we both agreed to call it off, I was so heartbroken not only because he was the first guy I fell for but because we were so happy we never even fought. Everything just happened so fast. But I was determined to move on.

We didn't even last a month being broken up because he kept trying to get ahold of me or see me. So we started seeing each other again in June of 08 & even though in the back of my head I was wondering what ever happened to him & his ex, I never asked. Big mistake, I should have because a month later, end of July 08, he was talking to his ex again. She she was in the army. He said he loved both of us strongly & he himself didn't know what to do, he told both of us to let go of him. 2 weeks later, in August 08, I moved out on my own but was still in contact with him. Once I had my own place we started hooking up. Finally I put my foot down & told him we had to stop because I wasn't stupid & knew what he was doing. He told me he was leaving for the army, & even though I didn't ask him why, I knew why. We both cried & said our goodbye's in mid September of 08. We didn't hear from each other for about a week but I found out from a friend he had chosen not to go to the army. Then I found out I was pregnant the end of September in 08.

I was frustrated because the second I got strong enough to leave him & go our separate ways this happened. I didn't know what to do. After 2 days I told him. I went into severe depression even though I decided to keep my baby because I was so hurt & damaged from everything. He came to see me finally & he was really affectionate & kept telling me I love you, just like when we were in love. In the back of my head I didn't want to be with him because something didn't feel right but we got back together anyway mainly because of the baby. I stayed at his home a lot. But I was miserable. Throughout that time we got back together I went through A LOT. But I blame both of us. We didn't do our best to make it work, we both just kind of lingered hoping it would happen on its own plus, we had just been through a lot & got back together to fast, we didn't get time to heal.

He kept in contact with one girl in particular. They would send each other flirty texts & emails behind my back & when I would confront him about it he said I was just being paranoid because they were just friends. In May of 09 I had my baby boy :) but things for me & him didn't get any better. We were living at both my parents home & his moms home. Once the baby was born all we did was fight, In October of 09 we were very distant. So we broke it off again, I was so unhappy but I still loved him so much. He told me not worry this was just going to be a break we just needed time apart it was all going to work out at the end because he loved me so much, I believed him. So we set a schedule where he would get the baby, but the baby never stayed overnight with him.

2 weeks later, November 09, he was with someone else, the girl he kept in contact with. They were already saying I love you. I was crushed I went into severe depression, my world came tumbling down I felt like everything we ever shared was a lie. I thought to myself how can someone who says they love me do this to me again. He still wanted to remain good friends with me & have his girlfriend too. Even though he was with her he would tell me he still loved me. So I thought it wasn't anything serious with this girl & soon he would come back to me & it was just a phase he was going through. Throughout his relationship with her we were still sleeping with each other. She never knew about that. I was his shoulder when he would cry over the other chick. I don't know how I did it because I still loved him very much & had so many strong feeling still even after everything. He said I was his best friend. We went back & forth from being friends to not talking to each other. I had times where I couldn't JUST be his friend. I had times where I would be very angry for the stuff he had put me through. There were days where I would think he doesn't even deserve my friendship because that's a privelage & giving it to him would be letting him have his cake and eat it too. But I loved him so much that somedays I thought I should just kill him with kindness & he will see my love for him & his feelings would come back. I didn't have control of my emotions. We went through even more crap the past year. It was a crazy six flags rollercoaster for sure.

They broke up in October 2010, they were together way longer than we ever were. I try hard to erase the time we were "together" after our first beakup that's how miserable I was. Now after these 3 years after everything, Im not sure how I feel or what to do anymore. Some of my friends wonder how I can still even love him! Even he can't & doesn't understand why I would love him still. Somedays I ask myself the same. How can I love someone who has left me twice for 2 different girls? Who loves other girls? Just a few days ago he admitted he still loves her so much, the recent ex. I don't know why but I got really upset. He said he can't be with her though because the love he has for me is there in his heart. I do not have anything against his ex in the army because we never disrespected each other. & even though she is now married & pregnant in the army, he says he loves her but his love for her is barely there. But his recent ex was always disrespectful, rude & a homewrecker. & what hurts the most is he always defended her. I guess I stuck around for so long hoping it would all be worth it in the end, thinking it could be true love. But why would true love do this to me? Another one of my friends the ones who love us the most hurt us the most. He said he was sorry for everything he's ever done to me & he loves me. It is so hard for me to believe his words now. I keep telling myself if we are meant to be were meant to be & only time could tell. But why would our love be meant to be? It would never be the same. Im not sure I could ever let go of what he did. He always tells me to move on & let go & to be with other guys. Why do I still love him! I know I shouldn't. But sometimes I don't even know if its love. I feel if he ever did come back he would just be settling for me.

Im very lost & don't know what to do or how to handle this :( Right now were not really talking because I need time to myself. I've thought of every possible situation & nothing makes sense anymore. What do you guys think? Is this true love or not? Should I stay friends with him & ignore my feelings & the fact he loves other girls? Any advice?

[DoulaLC]

With all of his going back and forth, it is obvious that he is not ready to be in a committed relationship. He likely doesn't even know what he truly wants.

Personally, I would not get back into a relationship with him. He has said he still loves this woman whom he cheated on you with... that should be enough to end it right there.

I think he is a comfortable place for you because of the time invested, but that does not mean he is a good partner to have. He will always be the father of your child and have involvement that way, so you will likely have some feelings for him in that regard, but reread what you wrote and you will see quite clearly it has been one drama after another with him.

It is not a healthy relationship for you to be in or to expose your child to.

If it were true love, you would not have been put through so much pain and heartache.

Cut your losses... let him know you will be in contact with him when things involve your child, but that is all. Move on and heal so that you can someday find yourself in a mature and mutually loving and respectful relationship.

[joypulv]

'True love' is as fairy tale as the princess and the pea or cinderella. Love has to be mutual for it to be romantic love that then evolves to more comfortable and admiring love. I can understand the feeling that a certain person brings out all your feelings, all you like, all you are excited about, but when that person waffles and strings you along he is being unfair, hurtful, and selfish. Selfish! Childish! He wanted both of you. How loving is that? Stop thinking that you can get him to see that or change his ways. You are in love with a MEMORY. He's gone, even when right in front of you.

[vanheart]

"We were officially together for 3-5 months but we were so in love"

You with him maybe. Don't confuse need with love.

"It ended when an ex-girlfriend came back in to his life"

"the fact he loves other girls"

"So we set a schedule where he would get the baby, but the baby never stayed overnight with him."

Listen to yourself.

Move on. Hes the reason for your hurt. He doesn't want you or be a dad.

Don't let yourself or you baby suffer. Get some help.

[talaniman]

I met him 3 years ago & that's when I lost all my sanity & common sense

That's an awful long time to be crazy, and do crazy things so let me help you get your sanity and common sense back.

The first step is to accept he is your baby daddy, and make sure he takes care of his obligations, and the court is the place to go for that. Either get a private attorney, or get a human resource expert from your state or county, or VILLAGE to help with that.

Next step is to forget a relationship, and get some help through your doctor , or a counselor , to gain strength and learn to cope with your feelings in a positive way. No shame in needing help dealing with yourself, or your reality, The shame is needing help and not trying to get it.

Most important, is is for once in your life, let yourself heal. He may be in your life a long time because he is the baby daddy, but he has no control over what you do with your life. Stop listening to the fool, and if its not about your child, there is no conversation, PERIOD. So refuse to have one.

Start being good to yourself, and be good to your child, and build a life without him. Whether he wants to be a good dad is up to him, but the courts will make him at least be a responsible one and that's cool.

Is this true love or not? Should I stay friends with him & ignore my feelings & the fact he loves other girls? Any advice?

This in no way resembles love, or caring. Its blatant insanity, based solely on feelings and false hope with no basis whatsoever in fact or reality. Its you having intense feelings that YOU ALLOWED to push you down a path to giving all you had to an undeserving stranger. PURE INSANITY. He is not your friend, so forget that too, but he is tied to you by child, and you better get your common sense back quickly and let him do his thing, and you do yours.

Your only job, is to make sure your child, and you is happy and healthy.

Giving more to him of yourself, is plain insane, and goes against all the FACTS you already have for a good decision, and a better path forward.

Please engage your brain, and tell your heart to shut the hell up!! This is all about YOU handling your business in a responsible manner, NO EXCUSES!!