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Midwaymom · Feb 12, 2011, 07:30 PM

We have been married 18 years last year I had some health problems and we stopped having sex.. Just recently we started back up again but now all he wants is for me to give him oral or anal sex he has also started wearing hairbands around his testicles. He refuses to have " boring" sex and will not touch me HELP!

Enigma1999 · Feb 12, 2011, 07:59 PM

How old are you two?

What kind of medical issues were you having?

How long did you two stop having sex?

Before all of this, was he like this?

Does he perform oral on you?

What does "boring" sex consist of to him?

Apologies, I don't understand what the hairbands are for?

Fr_Chuck · Feb 12, 2011, 08:25 PM

So if he is not pleasing you or you are both not enjoying sex, explain that he gets nothing either.

Sex as other details are joint issues, where you work out what each want and how to please both sides.

Midwaymom · Feb 12, 2011, 08:39 PM

We're both 41 I have a small heart problem He has always loved oral (on him not me) the anal is new I have no idea why he wears the hairbands this is new to. Normal intercourse is the "boring" sex It's almost as if he's turned into a whole different person

Enigma1999 · Feb 12, 2011, 09:05 PM

Thank you for answering my questions.

I think that if you are unhappy or even questionable, that you need to sit down and talk to him.

Its clear that you're not really enjoying yourself, which I don't blame you for by the way.

It seems all one sided here. On his part.

After 18 years, you should be able to talk openly about your concerns with him.

Also why you haven't asked about the hairbands, I'll never know.

Have you even communicated how you feel to him? If so, what does he say?

Cat1864 · Feb 13, 2011, 08:15 AM

I think that you need to discuss the difference between reality and fantasy. I have a feeling that during the time that you couldn't have sex he started enjoying areas of erotica and fantasy that he may not have been before. I think he has been looking at adult toys made for men.

Talk with him. Keep an open mind, but be honest about what your boundaries are.

How is his health? Another reason he may be getting more 'kinky' is because he is having concerns about his own performance. The added stimulation of doing something 'different' along with the home-made erection enhancing toy may be what he thinks he needs to have sex.

Communication is the key. See if you can find a compromise that makes both of you happy.

jenniepepsi · Feb 13, 2011, 06:36 PM

Just to clarify, I noticed some of you were confused on the hair bands. He is trying to copy a 'cock ring' which slows blood flow to the penis and makes him last longer, and when he does climax, it is more intense.

However, for your husband OP, I would suggest getting him an actual cock ring from a store, as that is what they are desisnged for, and hair bands may actually CUT OFF blood flow and hurt him.

In fact that gives me an idea for you. Tell him you would like to get him a fancy nice and cool kind of ring for him to use instead of the hairbands, and go together to the sex store. Find a good one with many options, and while you are there, try to open up about your own fantasys with him so that he can know what you want. I am sure you have some common fantasies.

Good luck hon.

JudyKayTee · Feb 14, 2011, 11:31 AM

One comment I have to add - my late husband WAS a cardiac patient. I have no idea what you mean by "small heart problems." When you're the patient there are NO "small" heart problems.

After his first (and, I might add, second and third) heart attacks he was very concerned about sex in general, very concerned. I am aware of the bands, they are available in sex stores and on line, they trap blood in the penis. There are variations and they are called "penis rings" or else a nickname. He may need one if he is taking blood flow medication. Homemade rings (or bands) are VERY dangerous and I am aware of two people who used rubber bands which had to be cut off with scissors, a painful, scarring procedure.

He may feel oral or anal are safer than intercourse, that he can respond more quickly if he experiences chest pain. In the beginning my husband had a fear that he would die in the missionary position, trapping me under him. He was able to express that, and then I understood and we talked through the problem.

Otherwise, I have no idea - have you asked him OR have you asked his Doctor in his presence and with his permission?

I was a very fortunate woman because my husband and I were able to talk about sex after a heart attack (or, as I said, two or three) and he also had no problems talking to a Doctor in my presence.

But I will say that cardiac problems do change a relationship - maybe for a short period, maybe forever. I've heard it explained both ways.

jenwen · Mar 7, 2011, 09:27 AM

The bands will help him keep an erection if they are palceced around the top of the penis and nuder the testicles... is that where they are... if so have him look into cock rings or a bolaro, they are far safer. You never said if you disliked or oral and anal sex. Is it that you miss vaginal sex. Sounds like you could be on the edge of haivng a really fun sex life. Is there a problem in being just as demanding on what you want that pleases you before you please him. What is it you want from him sexualy?