[corrie]

I am 34 years of age and would like to be in a loving and committed relationship. I have met approx 10 men in the past 18 months through websites and meeting in social settings, however none of them has worked out. Many of these have been first dates and chats which hasn't gone to a 2nd date. Two men I met over this time were 2 guys that I clicked with straight away. The first guy was someone where the sparks just flew an we talked an unbelievable 9 hrs in a hotel lobby and had a most enjoyable night. At the end he said to me if we had met here while staying in the hotel we could have slept together and I said yes, how stupid! We arranged to meet 3 weeks later because of our other commitments. In between that time he rang often but that was it he stopped ringing and I wondered why and still do. The second guy was someone I met at my house when he called to do a costing on home improvements. I didn't know what to think but after he left my home he contacted me and asked me out for a drink. I was wary but it turned out I knew a member of his family well through work. We met and again we talked for 8 hrs. We had so much in common, he talked about hobbies and likes/dislikes etc that I could not wait to see him. Within an hr of talking to him I just though that I was going to marry this guy, what a foolish thought! That night we ended up kissing each other quiet heavily in his car. We spent the following day together and again had a great time. He promised to ring but never did. I rang 5 days later and made a scene on the phone saying where do I stand and why hasn't he rung. I feel such a fool for belittling myself like that. Two weeks later I met another guy and this time we were together for 8 months but we never clicked. We slept together about the 2nd date. I ended things last week with him because all I felt was emptiness and resentful because I was making more of an effort then he was. When I read this to I feel very ashamed to think that this is the horrible habit I have gotten into by sleeping with a guy on the first/second night. First of all am I giving guys a very wrong impression of myself and is this why relationships do not work out for me. I am a underconfident person and maybe this why I have gotten into this horrible habit. I am very down about this so your advice would be appreciated. Thanks

[Wildcat21]

Ughhh - lots going on here.

Home improvement guy?? Uhgggggggggg - those jokers hit on everything in site!! Married especially.

It's the guys your picking. It's desperation in you. You're trying rush things that take a YEAR or more to develop.

WHy so desperate??

WHy rush things??

Learn to go slow!! Go slow.

And shouldn't be spending 8 or 9 hours with a guy you first met. NEVER!! NEVER!! Go slow - meet for coffee for a couple hours.

Don't be so available to these guys. Ever hear hard to get??

And a ring so soon?? Ughhhhhhhhhh

You need some rules and boundries here. Sleeping with guys so early only means one thing to a guy.

You should not sleep with them until after the 3rd date going forward IF you like. ANd they needto earn it.

Join and gym and work out - go seek a therapist and find out why yo udo this.

This is all really unhealhty.

None of these guys respect you. - get it?

[debmul]

Sounds like you are being a little too aggressive. Maybe you should give things a little more time

[manimuth]

corrie, a big part of how people treat you and perceive you depends on how you treat yourself and how you perceive yourself. Being 34, you should be old enough to know who you are and what you want. If you are lacking confidence in the woman that you are, then it is definitely time to spend some time on yourself. Spend quality time with yourself, doing activities you enjoy, and taking care of your body, mind, and soul. Many men find mature, self-confident women, who know exactly who they are and what they want, very attractive.

[Copperhead6]

Listen to Wildcat, he is the best of the best when it comes to telling what needs to be told. Sounds to me like you need to focus on getting yourself together before you can even think about dating. Your confidence should not go up or down based on what a guy thinks about you but yet what you think about yourself. Which I would say right now, isn't a whole lot!

[talaniman]

SLOW DOWN, Less is more, Learn to feel good about yourself and what makes yo happy without a guy. A professional could help you through this process.