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    vodka4breakfast's Avatar
    vodka4breakfast Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 10, 2011, 02:13 PM
    After 5 years of dating, my man won't have sex with me and I want to know why.
    After 5 years of dating, my man won't have sex with me anymore. At first our relationship was great in every way, and then I gained a few pounds and now he won't even kiss me with tongue anymore.weve been together for 5 years and he rejects me every time I ask him for sex.. I love him and he means the world to me and I just want to know from someone else's view on why he's doing this. Every time I ask him why won't he be romantic with me, he shruggs it off and if I get upset about it, hell turn around and say that its my fault. And recently after never using a condom in the whole entire 5 years, he asked to put one on. I just need some opinions. I have no idea what to do.
    answerme_tender's Avatar
    answerme_tender Posts: 1,148, Reputation: 689
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    #2

    Feb 10, 2011, 02:45 PM

    My opinion is why would you stay with someone who treats you like crap. Its pretty obvious this man isn't staying in the relationship because he obvioiusly in deep passionate love.

    After 5 years of being with this man, you should come right out and ask him. There should be enough communcation between you that you shouldn't hesitate to ask why he doesn't want to have relations with you. If he won't give you an answer or just ignores you,then I would be thinking about getting out and moving on with my life.

    I wouldn't allow anyone to make me feel less that what I am because they of their own problems. It he doesn't want in the relationship, then show him the door. No relationship should be based on weight, now I am not saying its okay to let ourselves go, but come on weight should not be top priority what keeps a person around.

    Take care
    ken007nielsen's Avatar
    ken007nielsen Posts: 288, Reputation: 211
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    #3

    Feb 10, 2011, 04:22 PM
    You mentioned he wouldent kiss you with tongue or have relations with you after you gained a few pounds..
    This indicates that you think that might be the reason why he doesent want too.

    I don't know if your on birth control, but the condom could indicate that he's not willing to get a baby.
    If you are on birth control he might not trust you anymore.
    (This was the first thing that popped into my head)

    But I agree with answerme_tender, why bother? Surround yourself with people you love. Not people that makes you feel down.

    And after 5 years, your communication has proberly reached the cap, which can allow you to talk about anything. So ask him until you get a reply or get on with a new life without him!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Feb 10, 2011, 05:57 PM

    Your problem isn't lack of sex or intimacy, its lack of communications. You have been together for 5 years and you don't know how to ask him what's wrong? That's amazing.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #5

    Feb 10, 2011, 06:13 PM

    What are the two of you getting out of the relationship that keep you both in it? Sex is great, but there are situations where it doesn't or can't happen for some couples. However, they find many ways to show love, caring, and intimacy with their partner.

    Are either of you in it for financial security? Having someone to clean up things, laundry, housekeeping? Do the two of you have any fun together? What is it that keeps you there when there doesn't appear to be a mutually loving bond between you?

    Have you actually sat across from him, told him how you are feeling, and asked him point blank why he isn't showing any interest anymore?
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