[kloder]

We have a child, with a hyphenated last name.
e.g. Jonny Jones-Smith
The rest of his family is just Smith (brothers/sisters, mom and dad)

Mrs. Smith and Mr. Smith divorced a few years ago.
They had 6 children at the time, all named Smith.

Mrs. Smith had a relationship with Mr. Jones. This relationship produced a child:
Jonny Jones.

Mrs. Smith later terminated the relationship with Mr. Jones, and re-married Mr. Smith.

Jonny Jones was an infant at the time he bonded with Mr. Smith as a father figure.
He was not yet two years old at the time of the re-marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Jonny lives full-time with Mr. and Mrs. Smith. He is completely immersed in the Smith family, and has minimal contact with Mr. Jones.

Jonny is now 4, and Mr. Jones has agreed to allow the legal name change from Jonny Jones to Jonny Jones-Smith.

Our question is just about the common use or selection of the last name. While respecting the law, and Mr. Jones, we would hope to normalize Jonny in most arenas: School, Dr. Team sports, Church, while traveling, etc...

I was mostly curious if there were a legal precedent leaning one way or the other.
Would the child commonly go by: Jonny Jones by default or Jonny Smith by default if his legal name is: Jonny Jones-Smith.

Furthermore, would it have made any difference to choose Jonny Smith-Jones, instead of Jonny Jones-Smith: i.e. does the order of the hyphenated name make any difference at all?
While I believe I understand the fact that on all legal documents he will be know as Jonny Jones-Smith, I want to know what would be common place usage for his name.


Assuming that he wants to be known (as his brothers and sisters are) as just Smith, while in School, or on sports teams, Dr. office records, etc..

What name would commonly be selected out of the hyphenated name:
The first part (jones) or the second part (smith) ?

[valinors_sorrow]

Hmm, I thought the point of a hypenated name is that both parts would be considered the last name and therefore used. Is the child open to having his name legally changed and incorporating one of the two last names as an extra middle name? That strikes me as a better solution -- legal name changing is not that hard. Just a thought.

[kloder]

I wish it were that simple.

Mrs. Smith and Mr. Smith divorced a few years ago.
They had 6 children at the time, all named Smith.

Mrs. Smith had a relationship with Mr. Jones. This relationship produced a child:
Jonny Jones.

Mrs. Smith later terminated the relationship with Mr. Jones, and re-married Mr. Smith.
Jonny Jones was an infant at the time he bonded with Mr. Smith as a father figure.
He was not yet two years old at the time of the re-marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Jonny lives full-time with Mr. and Mrs. Smith. He is completely immersed in the Smith family, and has minimal contact with Mr. Jones.

Jonny is now 4, and Mr. Jones has agreed to allow the legal name change from Jonny Jones to Jonny Jones-Smith.

Our question is just about the common use or selection of the last name. While respecting the law, and Mr. Jones, we would hope to normalize Jonny in most arenas: School, Dr. Team sports, Church, while traveling, etc...

I was mostly curious if there were a legal precedent leaning one way or the other.
Would the child commonly go by: Jonny Jones by default or Jonny Smith by default if his legal name is: Jonny Jones-Smith.

Furthermore, would it have made any difference to choose Jonny Smith-Jones, instead of Jonny Jones-Smith: i.e. does the order of the hyphenated name make any difference at all?

[valinors_sorrow]

Okay LOL. At the risk of going from "fast and friendly" to something less flattering (which I don't want to do) and with all due respect... does any of this matter to the child who's name it is?

I tend to read between lines easily but sometimes I read into more than what is there so please correct me if I am off here.

The second post you made is beginning to make me think this is more about your feelings about your ex's presence in your child's name than anything else. If you make his two last names seem normal to him, will it matter that he has two instead of one and certainly could it even matter which came first? That just has shades of a Hollywood billing ego written all over it somehow LOL.

Clearly the other biological parent wants his name present, does he not? So I am thinking that an attempt at making an end run around those wishes may backfire (even with minimal contact) and poor little jonny will definitely get caught taking collateral damage on that one, trust me. Perhaps a little acceptance for the name as it is could go a long way to letting go of any negativity or "not normalizing" for anyone?

I realise that doesn't answer your question as asked but I really think that there just may be no precedent and if there is, its cetainly not legally based apart from the legally stipulated two last names arrangement. Just a perspective meant to be helpful. And if my intuition is on the mark, for the sake of your child could you maybe rethink this a little?

[kloder]

Okay LOL. At the risk of going from "fast and friendly" to something less flattering (which I don't want to do) and with all due respect... does any of this matter to the child who's name it is?

I tend to read between lines easily but sometimes I read into more than what is there so please correct me if I am off here.

The second post you made is beginning to make me think this is more about your feelings about your ex's presence in your child's name than anything else. If you make his two last names seem normal to him, will it matter that he has two instead of one and certainly could it even matter which came first? That just has shades of a Hollywood billing ego written all over it somehow LOL.

Clearly the other biological parent wants his name present, does he not? So I am thinking that an attempt at making an end run around those wishes may backfire (even with minimal contact) and poor little jonny will definately get caught taking collateral damage on that one, trust me. Perhaps a little acceptance for the name as it is could go a long way to letting go of any negativity or "not normalizing" for anyone?

I realise that doesn't answer your question as asked but I really think that there just may be no precedent and if there is, its cetainly not legally based apart from the legally stipulated two last names arrangement. Just a perspective meant to be helpful. And if my intuition is on the mark, for the sake of your child could you maybe rethink this a little?

I welcome and appreciate your perspective and your comments.
Here's what I can say:
a) currently the child is too young to really understand the label at all.
b) he has expressed "He calls me Jones, but I'm a Smith"
c) I have no ego issue with it. I can "call" the child anything I wish, but I am sensitive to singling him out, when the other 9 members of the household share the Smith name. I would expect (and I do my best as a parent to teach, guide, protect, raise and anticipate the needs of all my kids... ) that he would want to be the "same" as his brothers and sisters and mom and "dad".
d) As time passes, and he continues to have contact (understand the biological father had no contact for the first two years, and 3 occasions (2 hrs each) in the 3rd year, and has only now been granted monthly / 4 hrs visits (with supervision) by the court, after a lengthy psych. Eval. Concluded and determined that he will be supervised and encouraged to receive therapy and psychological support
e) the ex would prefer the name Jones stay in the mix... we didn't fight him on that.
f) He claims to want contact now... we encouraged it, and helped him find a way to achieve it (via the evaluation and court order stipulating a "schedule that can be supervised and monitored" providing the father is consistent.