[matlboro]

I've been in my job nearly 3 years, in the last year my life has changed a lot with the birth of my daughter and moving houses 3 times. My girlfriend had a difficult pregnancy which meant on several occasions I had 2 leave work early 2 go to the hospital with her or 2 pick her son up, through this my line manager had me in his office 2 discuse the matter the outcome was a 3 month monitoring period. My girlfriend gave birth on the 14th of may 2010, she blead a lot after birth whibh meant I needed more time off work so he made me take holidays as they wouldn't allow me paternity leave saying I hadn't been there long enough 2 qualify, I did as he said taking a few days off, when I went back 2 work he had me in his office again saying what I'm doing can't continue and that he had enough evidence in a case against me and that if I'm not careful I would be down the road meaning the job center, this really got to me and caused a lot of stress which caused me 2 have time off through the doctors signing me off for a total of 9 weeks and that then lead to a verbal warning frm my manager, the doctor asked for me to have a phased return to work which he agreed to for a period of a month which I did complete, on the 24th November 2010 my daughter was rushed into hospital with bronchitus that lead to me having two days off work, I went bk to work the following week to be called into his office again for a letter by hand saying I had to attend a disiplinery hearing and the outcome cnuld be a written warning, I did attend and the outcome was a warning and a years monitoring, I did not appeal as I thought there's no point. Since then I have been in everyday, on frday the 7th of feb 2011 I was off with a viral infection and I still am off, I've had phone calls frm friends saying your getting the sack isn't you, I now do not want to go back to work as I know I will be getting a final written warning or maybe worse? Also I am the only one out of my team at work that has to make dentist or doctors appointments for after working hours and am not allowed to be late for work which when I am late is by 1 or 2 minutes and a couple of the others are 10-15 minutes late, all of this is really getting to me and stressing me out again, is my manager singing me out because to me it feels like it. Can he do what he's doing to me or is he within his rights to?

[smoothy]

WHere do you live... as in what country... what state... and are you an at-will employee?

From what you have said... he is within his rights. Your personal issues are yuors to deal with... they shouldn't be taken to the workplace. And from what you have said... it appears you have done exactly what you shouldn't do. Work is work... personal life is personal life... they two should be sperate. Let family life affect work... and you end up without a job.

They are within their rights to terminate you if you aren't reliable, and preocupied when you do show up.

Incidentally I'm union... and have for more protections than most... and if I am late to work three times... I can be fired. And that's three times during my entire employment... not just a week or per month. Its your responsibility to be on time every day.

Not trying to be harsh here... but most of your post is about personal issues and your post is about being worried about being fired from your job.

You've only been there ALMOST three years, that's nothing... you are still learning your job at that point... you are far from being indespinsible. Just trying to get you to see where the problem lies... They see a drama queen that's affecting the entire office with her personal problems. No workplace will tolerate that for long.

Readers digest version... Assuming you are in the USA... and furthermore.. if you are an AT-WILL employee... they don't even need the reasons you have given them already to fire you.

[matlboro]

Thank you for that very helpful. I'm frm england. The only thing I don't get is he lets the others do it but not me? To me that is unfair and I'm being treated differently, it was him that brought my private life into it I do think thow when my daughter was in hospital I did have to be off and the 1 thing that really got to me was when he laughed when I told him she got rushed in, I think my best option is to find a new job I'm going to start looking tomorrow, thank you very much for your answer

[smoothy]

Rule number one in the office... and I taught my wife this. Life is unfair... and some people are always going to get away with something you won't.

Stress over it and all it will do is consume you, give you an ulcer, and raise your blood pressure. And its still not going to change anything.

Now as far as what's customary and allowed in England? I don't have a clue. But we do have some members there that can weigh in when they see this thread. But I do know expectations will be different between there and here in the USA.

However a few things appear to be universal. People are going to play favorites... and you aren't always going to be one of the favorites.

I think you have the right idea in looking for a new job. But don't say anything to anyone... because you don't want it to get back to your employer that you are looking. Not until you have a real offer from the new place and you submit your notice.

It should help your peace of mind. And remember to keep your professional life and private one separate... as separate as is possible. The less they know the less they can use against you.

[matlboro]

I have been to my local advice bureau and he thinks I have a good case, like you say things are different here but don't know how different, I'm trying not to let it get to me but it is, I reckon a fresh start is the best thing to do, I do hope tpgings are different here, thanks for all of your advice

[smoothy]

You are welcome... after only 3 years it will be far easier to go than it would be after 33.
Keep a positive attitude and don't let it bother you.