[Allanwhite12320]

Keep having suicide thoughts, tried before, took 50 ibuprofen tablets and ended up in hospital. Things just keep getting worse and I really don't have a reason to live. Also don't have anyone to talk too about problems.

[Wondergirl]

Are you in the U.S.

[Allanwhite12320]

No Germany , I'm Scottish but live here

[Jake2008]

Allan, there is much information needed to help understand even what your question is.

How old are you, some history to provide a better picture of what's gone on that has brought you to this point.

People just don't wake up one morning and decide to end their lives without reason. What are your reasons, and what can you comfortably talk about in order to receive a better understanding, and better responses.

[Allanwhite12320]

Have serious financial problems, have problems with my girlfriend. I'm 28 years old. Nothing seems to run smooth for me never. When one problem is sorted then another seems to come along. I just seem to have bad luck all the time.

[Jake2008]

It sounds like wave after wave. No calm after the storm.

Sometimes, there is a very distinct cause for all of this piling up. For instance, if your girlfriend and you are not getting along, and you are having serious relationship problems, that affects everything from health to bank accounts and everything between. No matter how significant or insignificat other problems are, everything revolves around the health of each individual, who are,sharing the problems in one relationship.

Much of that theory will depend upon if Im in the ballpark or not.

Other contributing factors might be substance abuse, ex wives, children, job loss, illness, unexpected car repairs, bills falling behind, pressures of work and all that entails.

Is there a main problem that you see as being the catalyst for all other things, much like a domino effect. Starts with something specific, and then topples after that.

Has depression been something you've dealt with before? Any other mental health issues, either yourself, or with your partner? Have you seen a Doctor to address the depression and resulting anxiety? Tried counselling? What changes have worked, and what hasn't worked. Do you see things that you should do, but don't have the energy to keep trying?

When you took enough pills to land you in hospital, what transpired after that- any recommended treatment? Have you been given advice or referral? Has this happened before?

Can you translate the 'bad luck' you say you have all the time, into more specific examples? How do you normally cope with all this bad luck that comes your way.

When is the last time you were truly happy.

Still trying to understand here.

[Allanwhite12320]

The last time I was really happy was when I met my girlfreind. I ended up in the intensiv care unit, then transferd to the psychiatric unit but was let out the next day because it was awful. Now going to private counselling once a week, but it doesn't help the other problems. The pressure that I am under finactualy seem to put me in a bad mood and seem to snap at my girlfriend. I don't really have any friends so the problem is I just sit around most of the day, when I'm with my girlfriend I feel so safe as if nothing can happen to me.

I just can't seem to come out of this depression or low point that I'm in. And then start to think why bother . Why put yourself through this feeling that I have when I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

[Wondergirl]

The last time I was really happy was when I met my girlfreind. I ended up in the intensiv care unit, then transferd to the psychiatric unit

Why?

private counselling once a week, but it doesn't help the other problems.

Why not?

The pressure that I am under finactualy seem to put me in a bad mood

You need a job, even a part-time one?

Did you ever consider volunteering at a hospital or an animal shelter or a library?

the problem is I just sit around most of the day

Let's think of ways to break out of that pattern.

[Allanwhite12320]

The counselling is good to get my problems out but it doesn't help my financial problems. I teach golf and all the members live in our town so it would look bad when I have a part time job. Voulentering for the hospital or animal center haven't really thought about it.

[Wondergirl]

The counselling is good to get my problems out but it doesn't help my financial problems.

Have you ever brought it up and talked about this?

I teach golf and all the members live in our town so it would look bad when I have a part time job.

So your teaching doesn't pay well enough? You need more clients?

[Allanwhite12320]

The problem here is that the season is only 6 to 7 months long. You earn enough but the last season was really bad due to the weather and started really late due to the snow. I couldn't even pay for medical insurance. Was lucky that nothing happened to me. The bank can't help because I'm self employed and have asked golf club if they will employ me because then the bank will help but still haven't had an answer. That was over a week ago. Can I just say thanks for even replying to me.

[Wondergirl]

Why can't you have a part-time job that fills in during the off season?

Please keep pursuing the health insurance/employment situations.

I hope Jake or I or someone here can help you somehow -- maybe consider something you hadn't thought of or start volunteering somewhere or rethink how you spend your days and certainly start liking yourself more.

[Allanwhite12320]

I can't because it's in my contract. You still have a contract over here even though you are self employed. The medical insurance has been sorted. My girlfriend mum helped me out there, but I feel such a failure in front of my girlfriend. She has had really stupid boyfriend in the past I am ending up just like them.

[Wondergirl]

I can't because it's in my contract. You still have a contract over here even though you are self employed. The medical insurance has been sorted. My gf mum helped me out there, but I feel such a failure infront of my gf. She has had really stupid bf in the past I am ending up just like them.

Why failure? It sounds like you are doing what you need to do and coping as well as you can. There's certainly no shame in asking for help, otherwise, I'm in big trouble!

Can the contract be rewritten/edited/revised?

Rule #1: Don't compare yourself to anyone else.

I see an intelligent, well-written, and well-spoken young man who has needs and wants just like the rest of us. The tricky part is how you go after them and attain them.

[Allanwhite12320]

With contract it won't be changed, my colleuge tried that last year but our boss said no. My girlfriend dad owns the golf club as well, but he is a very difficult man to deal with. I haven't had much to do with privately just at work. I wrote him a letter explaining my ideas on how it would benefit him if he employed me instead on the deal that I have now. My girlfriend can't helpe either by talking to him because he is the type that sees business and private life separete, which is OK. I don't want special favours just because I'm with his daughter together. He hated her ex and is glad that I'm with her but in honests truth he doesn't know the half of what's going on. He is a very busy man and trying to get a meeting with him is really hard. But if I tell him what's going on then I will just look like a complete idiot and he can male peoples life really hard. It isn't that I'm stupid or anything like that. I just don't see a way out my situation. If he says no to my idea then I am really in trouble and I would everything I have.

[Jake2008]

What would be the worst that could happen to you personally, if you simply resigned. I realize there is a contract there, but would he seriously pursue that against you legally, while you are with his daughter? Let alone, what's the point, he will need to replace you.

Perhaps, with all these interconnected relationships, your girlfriend, her father, her family, small place where everyone knows you, you may think your initiative might not have any result, but, could it?

If you were to have a plan in place. What do you WANT to do, or, if you were fired tomorrow, and you could have your druthers, what type of career would you pursue. What were your hopes and dreams before you met your girlfriend.

Maybe, the 'before' part of your life, has resulted in 'settling' for what you have- and the 'after' part of your life, is still possible.

So what would you say, if your girlfriend left tomorrow, and the next day you lost your job. What would you pursue, if it were a perfect world, and you could reach a long time goal that you had before all of this started.

[Wondergirl]

How long is the contract good for?

Do you have a degree or any schooling beyond high school?

[Allanwhite12320]

I just to be happy with life, be able to have a family and be able to care and support for them. That is the perfect world. I have played golf since the age of five and don't know anything else, that's the problem. Didn't really concentrate at school because I knew golf is what I wanted to do. I love my girlfriend more than anything in the world, she is great, a real power women, she knows what she wants and knows how to get it. That is the sort of women that I need. She has everything that I want in a girl and I wouldn't change her for anything in the world. But always have the feeling that's she fed up with my problems.

[Wondergirl]

How long have the two of you been together? (Don't tell her, but I'm falling for you myself.)

[Allanwhite12320]

Contract last for one year, runs out in 31.12.11 just did my apprentice for golf, that's the problem I don't know anything else. I like my job when the season gets underway. I get a lot of respect from the members and guests but all the problems just build up inside.