[BENEY]

I am 31 and have been married for nearly 10 years. As I am muslim I could not tell anyone about my ex.
We dated for nearly 3 years on and off and he was married at the time but going through a divorce. He was my first in everything and I loved him dearly. He worked down the road from were I lived and could meet him easily. Evan though I loved him, I knew I would get married to a guy my parents had chosen for me, whice in the long run was better because after his divorce he got married again to a girl of his parents choice, whom I did not know about.
I got married and came back to england with my husband and found it hard to start with but because I realised how much my husband loved me I gave my marriage 100%.A few months later, through friends I found out that he had got married again while he was seeing me. I felt as though my heart and been torn apart. He had lied to me. I had not been in contact with him after I got married but I needed to get it out of my system and therfore had it out with him. His answer to all my questions was that it wasn't as though I could have married you! At that point I realised that he never loved me, all I was was sex to him.
We went our separate ways and did not have contact for nearly 2 years. I learnd to forgive him because I knew he was married when I first got with him so I was more at fault then him.
Last week I bumped into him and we had a chat, since then I cannot stop thinking about him.I am once again that 20 year old who loved him.I feel guilty as my husband is non the wiser but I cannot help my feelings.I know that if I tell him he will take advantage of my feelings again but I just long to be in his arms once again. HELP!

[talaniman]

You are not that little young, naïve, dumb girl of 20 any more, nor can you act like it. What you did was stupid then, and more so now. Sure your old feeling were stirred up again, and like most of us we only remember the good. Think back while he fills your fantasy, how he used you for sex also, and tell me why you would forget that.

We are all humans, and old feelings are easily stirred up again by people, places, and things all the time. Its human, but common sense dictates we don't act on those old feelings, and let them lead us to crossing the lines of good behavior.

They will fade if you leave him alone and get busy with your real life and tend to your husband and kids.

All my past exes have haunted me on, and off again, over the years, and I think that's true of everyone. I for one ain't going back to those days as all my happiness is right here.