[sonu111]

I have known my best friend for 10 years and have been married for 9 years. I recently came to know that he is deeply in love with me, which puts me in an awkward situation because he makes it quite obvious as we are open with each other. I don't want to lose our friendship and neither do I feel toward him the way he does me now.I seek advice on this situation help!

[jakester]

Sonu - just curious... is this man a best friend in the sense that he is your best friend other than your husband? I'm asking because the nature of your relationship could be somewhat inappropriate if your husband isn't playing that most important role in your life and if you are encouraging inappropriate feelings in your "best mate."

I'm not saying that you are responsible for his feelings towards you but you are nonetheless playing a role in that relationship. I'm not saying you have to not be friends with this man but perhaps the best thing to do is to be honest with him in that although you care about him as a person you do not want to encourage him when you are married. You may have to see less of him in order for him to be able to respect your marriage and your commitment towards your husband. That's just the way it is and there is no way to be just friends with a man who clearly has feelings towards you.

That's why I personally believe it not possible for people of the opposite sex to be just friends... usually one of the parties involved ends up having feelings towards the other and it can be difficult to keep a friendship once feelings enter the picture. That's my perspective anyway.

[spidimuffin]

Simples! Charlie listen... am married. Now run along :)

[Cat1864]

Sonu, please do not use all-capital letters. Not only is it against site rules (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules), but in Internet Etiquette it is considered yelling.

I know this probably is not what you want to hear, but you need to distance yourself from your friend.

Showing or telling you that he loves you as more than a friend can undermine your relationship with your husband. You do not need to be divided in your attentions or torn between your friend and your husband. To allow the relationship to continue as it is would indicate that you have feelings for your friend that are deeper than friendship. Are you familiar with the term 'emotional cheating?' It is when the individuals do not have a physical relationship, but they are involved emotionally to the point where it affects their feelings for and their interactions with their partners.

Your friend needs to take care of himself and find someone who is available to be in a relationship with him. His 'love' may not be what he thinks it is. It could be friendship mistaken as 'love' because he is focusing you instead of other women that he knows. Also, people sometimes have a tendency to be attracted to those who they know can't/won't return their feelings because it seems safer than trying to be in a relationship with someone who does. It can be part of being afraid of being hurt or commitment. That is something he needs to face.

Take care of yourself and your marriage.

[talaniman]

If he can't stay on the right side of the boundaries of good behavior, then he is not a friend, and even more so, is that friends that are open and honest, can talk to each other and you should have nipped the madly in love crap in the bud when he said it. If he can't respect your marriage, what kind of friend is that any way.

You tell friends like that to take a hike, and make real ones.