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Samuel3663 · Feb 1, 2011, 02:35 AM

I am a softeare engineer workiung at banglore,when I was in college I fell in love with my junior,I am very possesive of her,if she spoke to any one else I vl feel bad.but once in her mobile I saw some other guy's written messages.I felt really bad.I asked her whose is that.first she did nt admit that this is her class mate's message,later on she was iun a situation to admit it.This incident made some kind of insecurity feelngs in me.After that now she joined for her post graduation,obviously she got some friends there,both guys and gals.I asked her did you get any friends,she told yes,but we are not so close.I was not ready to believe that.Again I asked have you gone out for treat and all?she told NO.bt recently I saw her snap with her friends both goys and gals.Now in my mind some kind of questions are arising that SHE IS A FLIRT OR NOT?she is telling that all her friends knows that she is committed.still I am not ready to accept this.wat to do next?

joypulv · Feb 1, 2011, 08:20 AM

I'm a woman, if you mean men only by 'guys.'
Possessiveness is bad enough. Suspicion added to it (which it usually is) is awful. Flat out thinking someone is lying as the third part (which it usually is) is beyond words.

A couple who cannot allow each other to have fun with friends in mixed gender groups is doomed. Two people cannot go through life with just each other. The days of restricting women to the house with the children only are almost gone in the world you are working as an engineer in. You need to drop some old, old patterns taught to you by former generations.

answerme_tender · Feb 1, 2011, 08:36 AM

If you want to keep this woman you had better let go of those he-man macho thoughts. They are out dated, and only make you look like an pig in the eyes of your lady!!

You should take a step back and wonder why your not that close to her at this point in your relationship. No one including your lady wants to give their whole being to a BULLY!! A lady wants a partner is their lifes journey. A partner is someone who walks beside them, shares, enhances, loves--and most of all is their best FRIEND. You DO NOT treat your partner as though you cannot trust her. You never have the right to cross the bourndries to demand where,who,what,when she is doing something and that includes checking her texts.

When a relationship gets to this point of were you feel like the supervisor in charge, it is no longer a loving relationship---its a JOB. Keep in mind when a job gets to the point of being too much to handle or too much stress we look a better more suitable job!!

If you have that many insecurities that you use them as excuse to mistreat her then you might want to thing about getting some professional help, there is no shame is getting help to better not only our individual lives, but also our loved ones!!

Take care

ironhide262 · Feb 1, 2011, 08:55 AM

Well, you see the reaction you got from the lady posters here.. not much for me to add.

But, yes, you are wrong. This girl is not going to stay around very long if you keep up this possessive attitude. If you love her then you will trust her... no matter who she talks to or has on her phone. If you are not comfortable in this relationship you should get out of it.

talaniman · Feb 1, 2011, 03:41 PM

she is telling that all her friends knows that she is committed.still I am not ready to accept this.wat to do next?

Set her free to find happiness with a real man, and work on yourself to become one. You have a lot of work to do on yourself, and a long way to go.

How much more of this behavior do you think she will take before she leaves anyway? If you think you must train, or keep her on a leash, get a dog! Your idea of life and love is screwed up, and you better straighten it out. You are way out of control, better get some help while you can.

Cat1864 · Feb 1, 2011, 05:47 PM

You have already gotten a lot of great advice (I seem to need to spread some 'rep' before I can officially 'agree' with the previous posters.)

Do you see this as her problem and that she has to give you proof that she is committed to the relationship? Do you see it as her responsibility to set your mind at ease and do everything she can to make you feel more secure? If you do, then 'what to do next' is change your perception of the way healthy relationships work and grow.

If she realizes how possessive you are and is still with you, then she is already showing you how committed to this relationship she is. Every time you question her commitment, you are hurting her emotionally. You are eroding her trust in you. You are causing her to think that you want a toy to play with instead of a vibrant and emotionally stable woman. Do you want a partner who shares your life and love or a robot that only does what it is programed to do?

Do you have any interests outside work and the relationship? Do you have friends you meet up with every so often? Hobbies that don't include her? It is healthy in a relationship to have outside interests so that you can relieve the normal stresses that build up in the relationship. Those interests can help you keep from putting your emotional baggage on your partner. Sharing your thoughts and feelings should not be turned into making the other person carry your burden. It is much better to get rid of the weight in a productive way and enjoy your time together.

All that I have said so far is for this relationship and for you to think about before you get involved in your next relationship should this one end.

The last thing I have to say is that if you don't trust her then let her go to find someone who does.

Samuel3663 · Feb 2, 2011, 09:49 AM

Then for what the hell is she hiding evrything from me.. that is the main reason which is provoking me.bt I love her sincerely.she is meeting her ex classmates and all ,she is nt telling all these to me and I'm knowing about all these sme one else

answerme_tender · Feb 2, 2011, 10:04 AM

When we get to the point of being so involved with someone else that we lose ourselves then there is a problem somewhere!!

If you cannot trust this woman, then get the heck out. You are just driving yourself nuts and more then likely her. If she is doing things that is making you feel insecure about her commitment to you then the questions comes back onto you--WHY STAY!