[precious921]

I wrote back on Dec 8th back when I was still in shock over everything with the child being born and that this had really happened. Let me refresh... I had a baby boy on September 21st,2006. He was placed sept 25,2006 I was the only one who signed the papers.. I was scared to tell the birthfather the truth that his son was born.. he never knew until dec 2006.. I confessed to him what I had done... the adoptive parents were fully aware that the father did not know about the birth of his child... also the director of the Baby safe haven knew as well and my lawyer... yet the director of the safe haven told me all summer not to say anything to the father.. that the father had "abandoned me" and did not care about me... I was convinced that this was true... I never wanted to place my son for adoption.. I only felt that it was what I had to do.. I mean I had my rights explained to me when I was having contractions every 15 minutes and then hours later I had my son.. then 2 days out of the hospital with limited contact with my son.. b/c I was told that this was the best thing to do... I relinquished my rights.. I have regretted since... to the point where it hurts all over to be without my son... I was tole by my lawyer and the director.. 2 people I trusted that THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO!
I was never told about intrim care or the possibilities of foster care
I was never told I could appeal or revoke my consent to the adoption...
And now the birthfather wants his son back... he's not agreeing to the adoption..
The judge in Illonois want s the father to be served his rights and give him the chance to contest this.. and now the adoptive parents are on rocky waters... even though they knew the father never knew and they even said to me that at least this isn't hanging over there heads
So I appeared in court here in ny and the judge told me and the father that the adoption can't go through unless the father signs away his rights...
And I had mentioned something along those lines to the adoptive parents and the adoptive mother said that they are not handing over the baby that easily... and NOW
They are saying why hasn't the father contacted them in the past 4 months... but the thing is the father didn't know the whole time and now they are turning it around that the father did know the whole time!
And the director is turning around now and lying too saying that I only told him about the father now as well
When my own mother and sister were there with me back in June when I told them about the father and I was scared to tell him
Its like this huge conspiracy.. I now more than ever don't want my son with the adoptive parents
I now believe that this adoption was done illegally
They changed my last name to keep me in hiding and prob a way to cover the medical bills
And then on the original birth certificated the baby's last name doesn't match mine
Like say my name is Mary Jordan (this is not my real name using this for example)
The safe haven program changed my name to Mary Hope
And then on the baby's certificate it says Baby boy Hope
They changed his last name so how can that be a valid birth certificate
If the name doesn't match mine
Also the day I was in the hospital because one my friends didn't know they changed my last name he asked for me and they said there was no record of me in maternity
How can that be legal?
Also if there is anyone out there that can give me advice on about getting my child back
Please I know I placed him in sept.. but it was a huge mistake... I didn't think about it the right way
And I do understand the challenges of contesting this especially since they have been with him for the past 4 months and have grown attached to him... I feel terrible that this is happening but I have to fight for what I believe in I can't give up on my son.. he deserves to be with his real parents... and I strongly believe that I can support him by clothing feeding him and putting a roof over his head and being there for every need every cry and happiness and those days when he just needs a friend (his mother) to confide in
I love him with all my heart
But he is still young and there is still hope
We are always connected to each other and nothing can interrupt that

Also not to mention but the father and I want to raise him together we have made agreements if in fact our son is returned we both want to be there for him for everything
And I was the one who was wrong.. I really did believe everything that director told me "that the father will leave me and i will have to go to get child support and live off the state"

When in reality the father was such a warm and caring man... he has his bachelors in child pediatrics.. hes becoming a Pediatrician!

I just hope that adoptive parents understand that God has a plan for everyone and this adoption is not for me
And I made a mistake.. us as human beings we make mistakes
And I should have the second chance
They all say the best intrests of the child.. but I guarntee you that if the child could speak
And you asked him did you want to be adopted? He would reply "NO"
Adoption is not wrong... but its not for everyone especially when your only given info about that
They never gave info about be a parent
All summer is all about adoption.. I should have known there was a reason why they didn't want my mother at the hospital or my sister or me talking with my family
Or telling the birth father
If anyone has advice please help with some
I never even met the parents until after I signed the papers!
I could have put I didn't want to meet them because the whole time I was told they were burned before by two other birthmothers and the director used to make me feel guilty about it

I keep hearing that an infant adopted always has that sense of loss in there hearts

What is usually the outcome of fathers not consenting to adoption?
Will the adoptive parents understand through all this?
Is anyone familiar with Illonois adoption law?

We live in New York but my son is in Illonois

[Synnen]

Oh boy. You're in for a long hard fight.

You claim you were told about adoption all summer, yet no one told you what your "rights" were until you were in labor?

What you're describing sounds like coercion, but it will only work IF you can get 1. a REALLY good lawyer, and 2. a LOT of documentation to the fact that you were coerced.

Adoption agencies make their money from the adoptive families. Of COURSE they're not going to give you all of the information! You had a responsibility to find that out, and your lawyer had a responsibility to explain that to you.

Honestly... your chances are slim. Possession is 9/10ths of the law, and the adoptive parents have possession of the child.

The birth father actually does have a decent chance of getting his rights back... but that will not necessarily mean custody of the child.

It's situations like this that give adoption in general a bad name, and give birthfamilies an even worse name---"changing your mind" (nevermind that it was coercion) and "reneging on the deal" blah blah blah... basically, the adoptive parents have society on their side, and you don't.

So... Get a lawyer. Get a good one. FIND a way to pay for it. Mortgage your soul. You'll NEED a good lawyer to get through this, and you can bet that the adoptive family will go through hell to keep the child that they feel they've already gone through hell to get. Honestly, they may think that they did everything the way they were supposed to, and the adoption agency told them that "this is the way they have to do it" to get a baby.

I wish you the absolute best of luck... you're going to need it.

[ScottGem]

I agree you NEED an attorney to unravel this. Where was the baby born? If you wne to IL to have the kid then their laws apply. If you had the kid in NY then their laws apply.

I gather you were paid something for this baby or had your medical bills covered by the adoptive parents. So there is a contract that you signed (probably without reading it).

This makes the whole thing a jumbled mess that requires an atty to unravel

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

If the adoption did not meet finalization in court, you have every right to have your child back. Speak to legal aide for advice. They will work out a sliding scale with you.