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TESSRN · Jan 30, 2011, 01:59 PM

My 16 yr old daughter just started lying to me about where and what she is doing. She just started seeing a boy and several months ago, I placed a GPS Tracking monitor in her car so that I could keep a close parent eye on her "comings and goings". She has been very trustworthy up to now and has always told me the truth on where she's going, with who and where UNTIL now! She told me the other night she was seeing a movie with this boy and some friends, from the GPS tracker, I found out that she picked him up and went to a restaurant. She came home ontime at curfew 11pm, I confronted her about the movie and after staying firm in my discussion with her, she fessed up to lying about the movie. I took the time to explain to her about lying and how telling the truth is always the easiest. I told her how lying can continue to escalate into bigger problems and needs to stop now. I told her you'll always remember what you've said if you just tell the truth. I want her to always tell me the truth and never be afraid not to. How do you convince your daughter that you cannot be her best friend and a parent at the same time? As much as I want to. I ended up grounding her for 2 weeks from going anywhere but school and her sport practice. Today she lied again to me, instead of going to a scheduled sport practice she went to have lunch with you know who! UGH! What consequences should I place on her now that she's continuing to lie for the second time in two days? Thankfully she still does not know nor will never know about this GPS tracker- It's Great!

martinizing2 · Jan 30, 2011, 02:15 PM

Lying is not justifiable.

But I don't understand the problem of them going to a restaurant . Why would she lie about that?

Is she forbidden to see the boy?

I understand the problem of being lied to.

I do not understand why she would lie about what she did.

If she asked, would she be allowed to go with him to lunch?

justcurious55 · Jan 30, 2011, 02:42 PM

I'm also curious about WHY she is lying. Have you met this guy yet?

I went through a phase like this when I was about her age. Looking back now, I realize how dangerous and foolish so many of the things I did were. But back then, when I would lie about where I was going or who I was going to be with, it was because I thought my aunt would disapprove and not let me go. Again, looking back, I know she would have been right to disapprove at least most of the time. But at 16 it's just "mom's stupid rules" sometimes and you don't see the reasoning for them.

TESS82 · Jan 30, 2011, 03:18 PM

I haven't met this guy yet. She told me she just started going out with him and that she would like me to meet him. Which I replied, yes we would love to meet him! I don't know why she thought she needed to lie... when I questioned her when she got home, she stated that she doesn't know why she lied and was sorry she did. She also said that she understood why I was grounding her. She was actually too cooperative in all of this. I didn't yell-I told her sternly that she disrespected us as her parents by lying and that I was very disappointed. I don't know what else I can do...

jenniepepsi · Jan 30, 2011, 03:57 PM

Is it possible they planned on a movie but found themselves hungry so went to dinner instead? And only had enough money for 1 or the other?

Fr_Chuck · Jan 30, 2011, 04:16 PM

Plans changed, if she had told you when you asked about the change of plans would it have been an issue?

Next meet the boyfriend, find out about him, have him to the house.

Next was she really grounded, or did she have cell phone, computer text and more for her grounding time, so she really did not stop contacts

TESS82 · Jan 30, 2011, 06:24 PM

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

is it possible they planned on a movie but found themselves hungry so went to dinner instead? and only had enough money for 1 or the other?

The agreement I had with my daughter that night was to text me when she got to the movie and tell me after the movie if she was planning on going anywhere else. Which she never did.

TESS82 · Jan 30, 2011, 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

plans changed, if she had told you when you asked about the change of plans would it have been an issue ??

Next meet the boyfriend, find out about him, have him to the house.

Next was she really grounded, or did she have cell phone, computer text and more for her grounding time, so she really did not stop contacts

If she would have called me and let me know that the plans had changed and who she was with. It would have been fine with me. Actually, I would have been thrilled. You are right, she's grounded still with her cell and computer. I will be driving her to all her sport practices after school from now on. I guess I'm going light on the grounded issue-which is strictly no going out w/ friends during the week or weekends. This is the first time I've caught her lying so I'm not beating her up too bad as I told her when we talked about all of this.

jenniepepsi · Jan 30, 2011, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by TESS82

The agreement I had with my daughter that night was to text me when she got to the movie and tell me after the movie if she was planning on going anywhere else. Which she never did.

In that case, I absolutely agree with you. And I hope she learns her lesson ths time and doesn't make a habit of this.
But also, you as mom, must take a deep breath and realise that its part of growing up. She is going to test you, and see how far she can get. And push the issues that she doesn't like.

I am glad for you however, that she seems like a mature girl who is taking responsibility. Good luck!