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HsHeHx · Jan 24, 2011, 01:05 PM

My new boyfriend doesn't seem as into me as I am to him, sex-wise. He calls me honey and wants a relationship, but it's always me initiating sex! I just don't understand, cause we've only been dating for a month and normally the first months of a relationship are HOT, with the whole sex-nonstop thing. I cannot keep my hands off him, but he doesn't seem to feel the same way, and it's not like I'm ugly or anything. It's not like he doesn't want to, but he doesn't initiate sex. The last time we had sex, I initiated it, and he was halfway asleep, he didn't even bother to take my shirt of me and now I don't understand. I get the feeling he might not be very experienced, (It doesn't last long at all). I might just be used to my ex boyfriend, whom I practically had to push away, but is this normal guy behavior? Should I ask him about it? Or should I play it cool for a while and wait for him to initiate? I might be coming on to him pretty strong, I'm not at all needy, I just go for what I want, and like being in charge, but only when I feel like it goes both ways.
Thanks :)

Cat1864 · Jan 24, 2011, 02:03 PM

Due to posting restrictions on the Adult Sexuality Board, please state your age. Thank you.

HsHeHx · Jan 24, 2011, 02:06 PM

I'm 19.. Do I have to be 21 to get an answer? :)

CravenMorhead · Jan 24, 2011, 02:18 PM

Have you asked him? Have you talked with him. It might seem that he doesn't want to because he doesn't want you to think that is all he is in there for.

It could be that he is inexperienced. It could be that he doesn't know how to approach you. Could be a lot of things. You might not want to try when he's half asleep though. We don't really think clearly and you might not get the right impression.

In the end talk with him. It is the best way to start. If it doesn't help, then may get him to a doctor of some variety. Make sure everything is working.

Good luck.

PS, the age thing is 18 years. Can't give advice to a minor, it would make us libel for the actions that resulted from said advice. Just the way it goes.

Cat1864 · Jan 24, 2011, 02:32 PM

Nope, 18. :)

I'll be honest that I think you are putting a lot of sexual pressure on a very new relationship. There are other ways to get to know someone than having sex. Why not back off and see what develops as you get to know each other and let some anticipation grow.

Since you are already having sex, talking to him is probably a good idea (when you aren't in bed). You can't know what someone is thinking without asking. Also, if you are having sex, you need to be able to talk to each other about all aspects of it and the relationship. Unplanned events can and do happen. It is best to be able to talk about such things before they occur.

How long have you known him? It may be that he has a lot going on right now that is limiting his libido and it may get better once he isn't preoccupied. He could like women to be the instigator. He could have a lower sex drive than you do. It wouldn't mean that he isn't attracted to you. If you are open with each other it will help keep confusion and misunderstandings at bay.

Good luck.

HsHeHx · Jan 24, 2011, 02:32 PM

Nope, I haven't, because it's still kind of new and I don't want to scare him away just yet, lol :) But when we were fooling around I did ask if he wasn't at all interested in touching me, kind of like a hint, and he sounded almost shoked when he answered that of course he was, and he got the hint, at least a little bit cause I got a little better, so it could be a sign that he just didn't think about it.

I'm thinking that I'll give it a few weeks, and see if maybe he'll take over if I hold back a little, It may be that I've not given him a chance to act before me. But I still get the impression that I'm always the one cuddeling him and not the other way around.. It may just be the "who's more in love and where exactly do we stand" start of a relationship.

But would it be a good idea to play it cool for a bit? I mean we did move pretty fast and I don't want him to lose interest, not that I think it's going to happen but just to make sure?

Oh, okay.. It just didn't say anywhere about the age, but it makes sense :)

Thank you :)

Cat1864 · Jan 24, 2011, 02:37 PM

The age thing is posted at the top of the Adult Sexuality Board. If you asked a question without going to the board you wouldn't have seen it.

It sounds like you both need time to get used to being together and finding out what each other is like in a relationship. No two relationships are ever the same-if they are then someone isn't learning from the past.

Have fun getting to know each other.

HsHeHx · Jan 24, 2011, 02:40 PM

Thanks :)

HsHeHx · Jan 24, 2011, 02:45 PM

That's, true.. It's just differnet from the previous relationship I was in, and normally 20 year-old guys have a high libido. So I guess my insecurity got to me for a moment and kind of expected him to know what I am thinking.
Thanks :)

CravenMorhead · Jan 24, 2011, 03:03 PM

The thing here is that he is probably a little unsure of where the line is and is a little afraid of taking the initiative for fear of reprisal. He doesn't know where the line is and he doesn't want to unwittingly cross it.

He doesn't know what your tolerances for physical contact are. You can tell him, or show him. It will get better you just need to train him and show him how to 'work you'. If you gather my meaning.

As well, Cat1864 pointed out. You're only a month in. Give it time for him to learn. He will come to his own.