[mesmerized001]

My ex broke up with me but he wanted to stay friends.. he said he was not happy with me anymore but is not happy without me either.. he said that he wants to take time and realize that its really me he wants.. he doesn't want me to date other people either and he will not date anyone.. I can't understand.. I decide ill go NC cause I can't bear the pain of being friends.. its just horrible.. but now after a few hours of telling not to call me back anymore... I don't know if I made the right choice.. help!

[talaniman]

You made a great choice for yourself, and breaking up with someone and them telling you not to date because they won't is totally STU(unrealistic)PID.

Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

Talaniman Rule- While they are dumping you, never say you can't be friends. Agree to whatever they want, then disappear from their life.

No Contact is the right choice and you don't have to be rude just busy doing your thing, and unavailable to talk to him. You handled yourself well.

[SocialPsiTina]

Some of what you say makes sense, but I find this "rule" particularly troubling: "While they are dumping you, never say you can't be friends. Agree to whatever they want, then disappear from their life."

I don't know why you're recommending this kind of dishonesty. If it truly was a love relationship, why would you not stay friends?

[talaniman]

Why go through senseless drama, and torture trying to be friends with an ex? Why have false hope keep you from healing. I don't agree that humans after a break up can be friends until there is a proper healing process that's been gone through that allows the shock of a break up to fade, and the emotional dust settles.

There has to be a time to make adjustments to the emotional changes a break up causes, and a regrouping, rebuilding to be done. To sit, and wait for this guy to realize that he misses her is absolutely absurd, and since he has had time to make up his mind, then she should have time to heal, and make up hers.

That's what the NC is about, healing, and then deciding what she wants to do next, and not be waiting for him to decide her future.

he doesn't want me to date other people either and he will not date anyone.. I can't understand

This doesn't sound like a loving relationship, this sounds like a selfish SOB, who wants the door left open for him, while he does whatever he pleases. Doesn't sound like this works for her, but works for him. Why should she put her life on hold for someone that has dumped her?

I decide ill go NC cause i can't bear the pain of being friends.. its just horrible..

That's not what a loving relationship looks like. Why should she suffer while he figures it out? A clean break, and a proper healing is definitely in her best interest. Anything less is a complete waste of time.

I don't know why you're recommending this kind of dishonesty. If it truly was a love relationship, why would you not stay friends?

There is no dishonesty in putting your healing as a higher priority than a friendship that's causes pain, and misery. This was not a mutual break up, she got dumped. So why should she still follow his program any longer??

Maybe she can get to the place there can be a friendship, but for now, she is own her own, and needs a proper healing for herself.

How is that dishonest??