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KristinaR · Dec 27, 2010, 03:36 PM

Can Anyone Please Help... I'm Only 14, And I Really Want To Know Why I Wasn't Good Enough FOr Him.

sugarbaby12117 · Jan 18, 2011, 06:27 PM

Don't say that you weren't good enough for him. That is only going to bring you down. I guess you can start with asking relatives if they remember anything about him. Even asking your mother what color his hair was would be a help. Sometimes in cases like this the father would have kept in touch with at least one person. Try asking around (family friends, relatives, etc.) if you father communicated with them at any point. It's very hard to completely leave behind an entire life without keeping in touch with at least one person. Hope this helps and good luck!

Fr_Chuck · Jan 18, 2011, 07:18 PM

First at 14 we can not help you, we can not help you till you are 18,

Often men ( and women) are not ready to be parents, or they are selfish and don't want to take time, Others don't want to give up on their money.

It is not you, it is him,

Devorameira · Jan 21, 2011, 08:06 AM

Wait until you're 18 to try and contact him.

Please don't feel like you were not good enough for him, it was not you at all. HE is the one with the problems. One day he'll realize that that he did wrong and missed out on your life.

dontknownuthin · Jan 21, 2011, 04:04 PM

I think it would be really helpful to talk to your mom about what happened. Maybe she'd be ready to share a bit more with you if she hasn't told you all she knows already.

Also, it's really helpful to understand that when people leave their children behind, something is seriously wrong with them - not their children. Your dad had some kind of major problem that had nothing to do with you. Perhaps he was on drugs, or a drinker. Perhaps he was just very immature and didn't know how to get along with your mother after they broke up, to cooperate for your sake. Maybe he was just plain selfish.

Next time that you think it's your fault that your dad left, make a list of all the reasons that it's OK for a parent to dump their child. I have a feeling that you won't be able to think of any.

There are good reasons for placing a child for adoption. There are good reasons for parents not to be allowed to be around their child (abusive, using drugs). But there is no way to finish the sentence, "I abandoned my daughter, but it was ok because...."

That means, there's no way in the world any aspect of this can be your fault. If you were a pain in the neck even, like the worst kid ever, that would be his responsibility to fix as your father, so even if you were violent and stole constantly and broke into houses and broke everything in the house and never followed a rule - sorry, still not good enough for Dad to leave. He's still responsible for you.

In other words, this happened to you but otherwise, it has nothing to do with you... it's all about him.