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NYCKOLE27 · Jan 7, 2011, 04:24 PM

My son is smart and funny but I have 3 problems he won't sleep potty train or talk for me. I couold really care less about the talking I know that will happen when he is ready but taking him to the rest room is a huge fight only for me to turn around and he pee on himself anyway. The sleep part he will wake up at 8 or 9 in the morning and then not fall asleep until 4 in the morning some times I don't want to always spank or give him medicine so he will sleep but me and my husband aren't sleeping waiting for him to go first. Would love any advice that anyone has!! Desperalty needing sleep

J_9 · Jan 7, 2011, 04:28 PM

How old is he?

Oh, and please turn off your caps. It represents shouting.

NYCKOLE27 · Jan 7, 2011, 04:31 PM

He just turned 3 in September

jenniepepsi · Jan 7, 2011, 04:34 PM

in my opinion you are backwards. I would NOT be concerned about the potty training, as that can take time, and be more concerned about the no talking. Does he make any noise? Babble? Does he communicate (even without talking like with hands or face expressions)

if not I would say its time to speak to his pediatrition.

as far as the potty, I hate to say this but it could be your fault that he isn't getting the hang of it. Being angry or frustrated over the potty is a big way to make a child regress the potty.

and as far as sleeping, YOU are the parent, and YOU need to set the bed time, and enforce it. You don't just let him go to sleep and wake up whenever. Bed time can be 8. and don't let him sleep any later than 7.

I say the first step is take your concerns to his pediatrition.

and don't worry so much hon. He feeds off your stress, and that will only stress him, which in turn will stress YOU more.

Alty · Jan 7, 2011, 04:43 PM

I agree with Jennie, had to spread the rep.

Let me tell you a story about potty training gone wrong. My friend was like you. Potty training was a battle. It always led to a fight. It got to the point where her 3 year old daughter would not poo in the potty at all. She also stopped pooing in her diaper. She was too afraid to poo because mommy always got mad.

This child is now 8 and still has issues. Every week they have to give her a home enema because she's in pain from holding it all in. She's literally made herself ill because of this.

Potty training has to be a positive thing. Encouragement, praise, consistency, love. Anger and potty training do not mix. Fights and potty training don't mix. If he has an accident, so be it. He's learning as fast as he can and he's still pretty young.

If he's not talking at all than that is a cause for concern, and again, I agree with Jennie. It's time to find out what's going on. He could have a speech impediment. It happens. My son had this issue. The earlier you find out what's going on the more help that's available and the better the outcome.

DoulaLC · Jan 7, 2011, 04:57 PM

What is his daily schedule like? Does he nap? When you say he won't talk for you... does he say absolutely nothing or not as much as you think he should be saying? Will he repeat words you say, for example, when looking at a book? Does he ask for things... point things out when you are in a store, or driving in the car? Does he interact with anyone else?

Potty training should never be a battle of wills. When he is both physically and emotionally ready it will come fairly easily. If you have been trying to potty train him for a few months with little success, he is not ready just yet. If he does pretty well the majority of the time, but has the occasional accident, that would not be unusual at this age. There is a wide age gap that is normal for potty training.

martinizing2 · Jan 7, 2011, 10:24 PM

The ladies have covered this rather well.

I would like to address the issue of giving a child "medicine" so they will sleep.
What the hell are you thinking? I hope you do not do this on a regular basis and don't ever do that again.
Great groundwork for addictive behavior .

Parenting is a hard job and God bless all who do it, but do not be led into a chemical trap that can damage a child for life.
I wish you well

J_9 · Jan 7, 2011, 10:36 PM

Let me also add that by giving your child medicine to sleep you are risking having him taken away from you and placed in foster care.

Alty · Jan 8, 2011, 12:24 AM

How the heck did I miss the part about medicating her child so he'll sleep. Not good!

It sounds like you're taking the lazy way out of everything. Instead of teaching your child you either medicate, spank, or yell. This isn't parenting.

Have you thought about taking a parenting course? I think it would greatly benefit you.

DoulaLC · Jan 8, 2011, 05:21 AM

In addition to the concerns martinizing2 stated, the use of medication to get him to sleep is actually counterproductive. It can prolong his ability to develop a natural sleep pattern as it alters brain chemicals. What medication have you used to try and help him sleep better? How often is it used? How long has it been used?

You didn't mention if this is a recent change in his sleeping habits or has he always required minimal sleep? How often does he have trouble sleeping? Is this a nightly occurrence or once in awhile?

Any major changes happen recently? A move, new day care situation, recent illness, etc?

Is he in a crib or a bed? Does he get out of bed when he wakes or when you put him to bed, cry out?

Again, what is his daily schedule like? Bedtime routine? Does he have a set routine throughout the day?

Many questions, I know, but we can offer more suggestions that may be of help if we have a better picture of what has been going on.

jenniepepsi · Jan 8, 2011, 07:49 AM

Got to spread the rep alty. But I missed it too. Absolutely a horrible idea!

BasalduaJ · Jan 12, 2011, 04:59 PM

Well I have a two year old going on three next month. I just started potty training him two weeks ago. I started by taking he's pants and diaper off and putting up gate in the hallway giving him access to see me on the other side while I clean but he stays on the other side which is hard floor and closed any door to any other room except the bathroom. So he had the hall way with a few of his favorite toys. And the bathroom all to himself. He has a little potty one that he can sit on himself, I fill it half way with water and tell him he needs to go potty there. So any ways when I here the pee hit the floor or see it I say "wait!" cross over and put him on the potty. Even if he just gets the last bit in the potty I praise him then give him a piece of candy. So after wards he would sit on the toilet and praise himself for sitting on the toilet and expect a candy. Of coarse I don't give him one until he actually goes potty. And I show him there isn't anything in the toilet to get a candy for. So then he got discouraged there for a while but now I found another way. I put a tiny TV in there and give him lots to drink the about 10 min later put his favorite movie in and make him sit and the potty until he goes.then I praise him. He now likes to just sit on the potty so he can watch his favorite movies. I let him sit for a while then make him take a break from the potty and have him help me pick things up or load the dish washer or help me put the clothes in the dryer in between cause it's hard to get him out of the bathroom now that there is a TV in there. Kool-aid is a good way to get him to drink a lot. And keep filling it as long as he is willing to drink. But it is good to give him water every now and then.

If he seems to lock up on the potty, but you know he needs to go-then use warm water and dribble it down from his belly button down his wee - wee and that usually makes them release.

BasalduaJ · Jan 12, 2011, 05:14 PM

As far as the sleeping and not talking, well my kid is not talking very well either, but he does sleep very well. One thing we do is he has a set schedule to go to bed. Weather we stay up or not. He goes to bed at 9:30, me ands my boyfriend put him to bed together. We kiss him and tell him we love him and just adore him for a while to let him know he is loved. (oh by the way, he has his own bed and room) he likes to sleep with his favorite toys even though they are hard and his sippy cup which should only have water. But every kid is different and I don't know what habits he is already used to. First thing to start with is a set time to go to bed and wake up. Every now and then he won't want to go to bed so then I have to leave the room and my boyfriend will put him to bed because he minds him better. As far as talking that well have to come on his own. But speaking to him clearly and with an even tone even try to converse with him like a grown up helps. Speaking clearly and not very fast. Short commands like "pick that up hon" or "put it in the trash" then praise him when he does it. If he doesn't do it right then show him and praise yourself in front of him because you did it right then let him do it and praise him. But talking and explaining it to him all at the same time. It's almost like training a dog.

dontknownuthin · Jan 12, 2011, 05:18 PM

You need to read some books on potty training, bedtime and parenting in general or get advise from your pediatrician. Your parenting methods like drugging a toddler to sleep are really worrisome.

If he doesn't speak, have his hearing checked. And often kids who have untreated ear infections both cannot hear properly and will not sleep because when ears are infected, lying down is painful.

Take him to the doctor and bring a list of the issues you're working on.

martinizing2 · Jan 12, 2011, 08:37 PM

Originally Posted by ;

i dont want to always spank or give him medicine so he will sleep but me and my husband aren't sleeping waiting for him to go first. Would love any advice that anyone has!!!! Desperalty needing sleep

After giving this more thought and
Reading the example of how not to take
The necessary time or find out realistic methods
Of child rearing exist as shown in the posts
Previous to this...

I strongly suggest that you go to some parenting classes.
.Parenting Classes for BasalduaJ also..
We all can use all the help we can get to help raise children.
Some more than others, much more.

The thought of spanking a child for not sleeping when you
Want them to is infuriating to me. Extremely infuriating

I raised five children of my own and have been involved
In raising many many others because I find children
To be the most delightful creatures on Gods Earth
And cherish the time I have with them .

I have never spanked, hit, swatted. Or used any form
Of corporal punishment on a child for any reason
,and strongly believe it to be unnecessary.

It is used because people will not invest the time
And effort it takes to get the point across in a different manner,
Or don't know how to do it.

That is why parenting classes , and psychology , and philosophy ,
Are important things that need to be studied in school
Starting at middle school level at the latest.

We all need to be taught and inspired to think about
Our interactions with other beings on this planet
And try to be as beneficial to each other as we can possibly be.
Especially children.
And for Gods sake the ones we bring into this world
We should be striving to be the comfort and security
They can ALWAYS depend on,
Not hitting or yelling at them for any reason.

I didn't mean to get off on a rant here,
But children are the most precious things we encounter
And should be treated as such.

You get some parenting classes
And I'll look into anger management.

I wish you well.

J_9 · Jan 12, 2011, 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by BasalduaJ

putting up gate in the hallway giving him access to see me on the other side while I clean but he stays on the other side which is hard floor and closed any door to any other room except the bathroom.

Originally Posted by BasalduaJ

so he had the hall way with a few of his favorite toys. and the bathroom all to himself.

Originally Posted by BasalduaJ

He has a little potty one that he can sit on himself, I fill it half way with water and tell him he needs to go potty there.

I'm just going to stop here. This is ALL such dangerous advice! A child this young should never have access to a bathroom without being accompanied by an adult at all times!

Did you know that a toddler can drown, and die, in less than a cup of water?

I'm not even going to address the rest of that post by Basaldua. Hopefully someone else will.

Alty · Jan 12, 2011, 11:42 PM

Koolaid? Leaving a child in the bathroom? A TV in the bathroom?

Where do I begin?

Should I begin?

What is wrong with people today? There are tons of great books about potty training. I can tell you right now that none of them tell you to put a TV in the bathroom, barricade the bathroom off, leave, give him as much koolaid as he can stomach, leave him alone and he'll learn. :(

This is the worst advice I've ever heard. You're not only putting your child in danger, you're also giving him a drink loaded with sugar, and you're introducing a television in the bathroom, a habit he'll either have forever, or one you'll have to break, which won't be easy.

I'm banging my head on my desk. When did parents start these maddening toilet training practices?

dontknownuthin · Jan 13, 2011, 06:11 PM

Some strategies my friends shared that worked in our household...

- wait until the child is ready. For most boys I've known of, three was a good age to start trying.
- Get some books and/or videos about using the potty. There are some really good ones.
- Stick close to home when potty training as much as you can, and use cloth training pants or underpants when you are at home (if you're worried about leaks, put old fashioned plastic pants over them) instead of disposables because the child can then feel if they are wet.
- A lot of kids are afraid of the toilet flushing and of falling in, so starting with a potty chair (no water in it, please) can be helpful.
- You can't force the child to go. It's largely just trying often by having them sit on the chair and lucking out that they happen to go - then you can make a big happy fuss over it and they'll understand they pleased you and will want to do it again.

Don't punish kids for accidents and don't humiliate them. It takes time and it's hard for them. This is the three yeard old version of figuring out calculus - it's not as easy for them as you might think it should be.

TandahJ · Jan 18, 2011, 07:34 AM

Have you tried to make potty time fun?
Maybe he is afraid of the bathroom? Take the potty and put it in the living room and give him a book or put a show on for him.
My son took a long time to get to sleep.. he would scream and cry all night. We thought maybe he was afraid of the dark so we put a little light in his room and that worked. Try giving him warm milk in bed.
Have a bed time schedule.. that why he will know when he has a snack and brushes his teeth that soon it will be bed time.

jenniepepsi · Jan 18, 2011, 07:45 AM

So after thnking about this more, I would say its time to BACK Off him, and stop stressing about it all. The stress only makes it harder for him, and its only making it harder for you. The more you push it the longer it will take. Believe it or not, kids DO learn to go to sleep and use the potty on their own, in their own time. You don't have to worry about any physical problems until 4.