Check out some similar questions!

Gigi29 · Jan 17, 2011, 02:08 PM

Hi I'm 29 and my Hubby is 35 lately he has come home mad upset and won't talk to me when I ask him what's wrong all he say's is that he had a bad day a work but I think there is more then just that. *** help

DoulaLC · Jan 17, 2011, 02:31 PM

All you can really do is let him know that you love him, will be there for him if he wants to talk, and that you will respect his need for space.

Some people like to talk things out right away, others need to sort it out in their own minds first. However, it does not give him a green light to take out any frustration on you if he is in a bad mood, so don't let that slide if it is an issue.

I know you are anxious to know what the problem is, but until he wants to share it with you there isn't anything you can do but to be that comfort zone for him.

QLP · Jan 17, 2011, 06:19 PM

He's telling you that he is having a hard time with work but that he wants to deal with it himself at the moment. Give him time and space to do so and just let him know you're there if and when he wants to talk. Sometimes a guy hears, 'talk to me and let me help you,' as, '... because I don't think you can fix this yourself.' Strange creatures men.

Cat1864 · Jan 18, 2011, 07:52 AM

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to DoulaLC again.

Doula is quite correct. Give him time and space to calm down and come to you if he wants to talk.

According to your other threads, you have been married for 15 years. I would have thought this would be something you would have figured out long ago unless there is more going on that has you concerned.

If you want to give us more information that might help us understand why you are concerned, we will listen and do what we can to help.

Gigi29 · Jan 18, 2011, 11:05 AM

Well I think there is something else or someone else.. but I ask hima and he says no that we are fine. We do have a good sex life it's just that his whole personalitly has changed and then I think we women can sense when something is wrong rt

DoulaLC · Jan 18, 2011, 02:53 PM

Sometimes we do sense when something is wrong, but sometimes we can also let our imaginations run wild and worry more than we need to.

Has anything changed at his work that you know of? New position... new boss... changes in procedures and what is expected of him... worry about job security, etc? Would he really rather be doing something else?

Any family changes or health changes for him? Has he ever expressed frustration at not being where he thought he would be in life by the age he is?

Do the two of you do things for fun? Have friends you are involved with?

After he is home for awhile, does he eventually relax and revert back to more his old self? Other than expressing some bad days at work, how has his personality changed?

Gigi29 · Jan 18, 2011, 09:50 PM

And I think your right I think that I am thinking the worst but I he stopped wanting to do stuff with us we have 3 kids I talk to him and he doesn't even hear me at times or my kids all you hear is dad dad. Dad and finally what honey.

We don't have not mutual friends and when I ask him if I can join him when he goes out with his friends he says no it's just guys my son has even noticed his change and asks me what's wrong I so want to brake down and cry but I don't

DoulaLC · Jan 19, 2011, 04:34 AM

Let him know, when he is in a good mood, that you know he has been working hard and busy. Just ask him, "Can we set aside Saturday morning to talk and catch up with each other?" As an example, then have some quiet time alone to share your concerns about recent changes. Find out if work has him preoccupied, etc..

talaniman · Jan 19, 2011, 06:21 PM

He sounds distracted and overwhelmed. Back off because he needs an outlet from responsibility, and obligations for a while. Its called a rut, and pay attention, but say nothing until he is ready to talk.

That may be hard but try not to add to the pressure. Most guys have bowling, hunting, fishing, or drinking as hobbies to do things away from the family, and that's what he is probably looking for. Give him time.

Gigi29 · Jan 20, 2011, 06:28 PM

Thanks I think this was very good advise.

Jake2008 · Jan 20, 2011, 11:56 PM

You don't say how long he has essentially withdrawn from the family. If your children are even noticing a change in him, obviously there is more to job stress in my opinon.

I am not so sure that he needs time, space, and no pressure, while on the other hand, he's out with his guy friends socializing. If he can spend time and money away from his family to make himself feel better, where does his 'healing' end, and his family responsibilities resume.

I think if the situation were reversed, and it was you that changed, and he was the one left at home with three kids while you went out with your girlfriends, he too would be wondering what the he** is going on, and when is it going to end.

Having so many bad days at work, in my opinion, is an excuse not to address the issues within his family. How many bad days can one person have unless they are ill (mentally or physically). When do your needs come into play here, and why is he not confiding in you with this personality change.

My advice is to not beat around the bush and let this go on and on. I would encourage you to tell him, rather than politely request his presence, that you have a date for Friday night and you've arranged a sitter. Take him out to a quiet place, and get to the bottom of it, in a non confrontational way. Just simply state that you have concerns about the amount of time he spends away from home, and how distant he has become to you and his children. See if you can't get past the simple excuses, that, with me at least, wouldn't wash.