[Shibby_8]

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 22, we have been together for a year and a half, we moved intogether about 6 months ago and that's when the sex stopped. I went on a overseas holiday to America for 2 weeks and when I got back we decided to move in with one another. My boyfriend use to inniciate sex almost every night, on average we'd do it 5 times a week, now it's once every 2-3 weeks and it's usually because I've guilted him into it, the last time we had sex was because I started crying asking him why he didn't want me then I told him if he didn't let me screw him now I was going to leave him. Ok so now all of this desperastion is very recent, here are the tactics I tried when the problem first occurrd; before I even mentioned to him that I wasn't satisfied I would try to instigate sex, but he wouldn't respond or just say I'm tired babe not tonight, after a few weeks of this I brought it up in a very calm way, his man ego is easily damaged so I was vert gentel about talking to him about it, he told me he would try harder and he was just distracted by work, the issue persisted but then this time he began playing Call Of Duty in another room with the door always shut, he does this before he goes to work, when he gets home from work and plays it all day and night on his days off, I love playing video games so I excused it for awhile, I also try to avoid nagging that he dosen't spend enough time with me, so then I decided to have another talk with him, this time I burst into tears uncontrollably, he told me something he had never told anyone, he masturbates 3-7 times a day, he said he done this through out our whole relationship though, there was no progress after that conversation either. I've now done the lengerie thing, gave him a sexual favour that he really wanted and I never thought I would be into (anal), I've asked him if there's another person in his life, I believe him that there isn't. He told me I've put on 5kg, so I'm in the process of losing that weight at the moment. I have literally laid in bed pleasing myself while he played Call Of Duty across from me. I jumped on his computer about a month ago to check out how often he looks at porn ( as I've read that porn isn't a problem unless it effects your relationship) I've never had a problem with porn and I've even introduced it into our sex lives, but it said his porn file hadn't been viewed in over 2 months, I guess he could be streaming it, but I don't think that's a problem. He once told me that I've put too much pressure on him by making it an issue, I backed off heaps after he said that, I thought I was really gentle with how I brought it up but I guess I wasn't if he felt pressure. Also he isn't gay if anyone is thinking that and there is definitely no erectile problems, I've even tried only pleasing him for weeks, he said he would return the gesture but he never did. I swear I have tried everything, I don't know what to do anymore, I'm tired of being unwanted, he's an amazing man, we're good together, a proper team, I don't want to end our relationship unless I know I've done everything I can to save it, I've been thinking about getting counciling, but I get scared when I think of the future, we're not even married yet and we could be getting couples counciling, it just doesn't feel right, please someone help, after 6 months of this it just all feels so hopeless, I want my man back!

[Synnen]

He's not addicted to porn.

He's addicted to his video game.

He's probably not going to wake up until you let him know that you're done with the issues, and that he either goes to counseling with you or you're done with this relationship, because you are no longer a priority in his life.

[CravenMorhead]

I think the Synnen has it about right. Need to spread the rep before she gets more.

Chances are before you moved in with him any time you spent together was away from his computer. IE you went out and then back to your flat, or his flat. Now that you're living with him, he believes that his free time is now limitless so that is all he is doing.

I honestly don't believe that he knows what is going on here. The frail male ego needs to be bruised every now and again. You're doing a lot of things to get him to back away from his computer and he isn't. This is not a good sign.

I think you really need to throw down the gauntlet and let him know what is going on. It might be do or die time for the relationship now. If he isn't will to step up and limit his game play then it might not be worth your time to stay. I can guarantee that this will not be end of your problems. They will get worse.

Good luck.

[Animus]

You might not find this helpful but I watched the discovery channel special "Strange sex" and there was a segment about a male who had a psychological condition that gave him anxiety when his wife approached him. He would explicitly try to duck out of doing the dirty deed every time. Try to watch this series and find the episode I am remembering. This could actually be a result of sexual trauma in his past, be sensitive to this possibility.

[Shibby_8]

I agree with Synnen and CravenMorhead. You guys have hit the nail on the head. Thank you so much! I feel very optimistic about handling this situation. I now have more understanding about the issue as well, I've been doing loads of research into Video Game Addiction and I'm going to approach him about it tonight. Thank you again, I'm glad I found this website. Also thank you as well Animus, but however because the sex use to be frequent and gratifying I don't think the documentry relates to my situation, thank you anyway!