[newmommy1]

I am due to have my son any day now, and my boyfriend and I have had a very rocky relationship. We think we want to be together but we aren't sure we will last with how things have been going. We've already decided on the baby taking my last name, but I don't know if I should put the father on the birth certificate. I am worried that if we break up again he may get partial custody and rights of my son.If something were to happen, I don't want there to be any chance that the father could get my son or have any custody rights. How can I be certain that if we break up he will not have any say or control of the matter?

[peterbranton]

You are obviously a very selfish and ignorant person and I believe for you to have a successful and happy life you should address this in yourself this would also improve your relationship

[ScottGem]

This is a legal question so has been moved to the appropriate forum.

. How can I be certain that if we break up he will not have any say or control of the matter?

You can't! A father has rights too! Leaving him off the birth certificate will only mean that he has to go through the courts to enforce his rights. Unless the father represents a danger to the child, there is no reason not to let him be a part of HIS child's life.

It takes TWO to make a baby and both of them have equal rights to the result of their actions. And yes you are being selfish. You are not only trying to deny the father his rights, but your son his right to have a father and the support, both emotional and financial, of a father.

[blessedmom3]

I think you should do what you think is best for the child. Any one can MAKE a child but it takes a REAL man to be apart of raising a child! Don't let someone alter what you feel in your heart cause it is usually RIGHT!! Leave him OFF the birth certificate, He can always be added if you or the court decides to put him on there. It doesn't change the fact he fathered a child just that he has to work at proving himself a REAL DAD!

[crazy7gem]

I just wanted to comment on this. My ex left me a week before I found out I was pregnant. He has not showed up to any appointments or ultrasounds. I had to have kidney surgery last week and he did not bother to show up. I do not think I will add him to the birth certificate because he will not bother to go through the courts to prove rights. Some people are not meant to raise kids.

[ScottGem]

I think you should do what you think is best for the child. Any one can MAKE a child but it takes a REAL man to be apart of raising a child! Dont let someone alter what you feel in your heart cause it is usually RIGHT!!!! Leave him OFF the birth certificate, He can always be added if you or the court decides to put him on there. It doesnt change the fact he fathered a child just that he has to work at proving himself a REAL DAD!

I just wanted to comment on this. My ex left me a week before I found out I was pregnant. He has not showed up to any appointments or ultrasounds. I had to have kidney surgery last week and he did not bother to show up. I do not think I will add him to the birth certificate because he will not bother to go through the courts to prove rights. Some people are not meant to raise kids.

This site does not and will not condone advising people to break the law. A birth certificate is a legal document. Falsifying that document violates the law. There may come a time when it will be required that the father be identified. And by denying the father, it may cause trouble for the mother.

[blessedmom3]

Your not selfish don't let people tell you that! Believe me... a lot of men will use a child to get to you and not care what it does to their child in the mean time. It's their "control" of the situation. If the father of the child wants to be in his babies life, he will push the court issue. AND the court will set up visitation and child support all in writing so that NEITHER parent can take off with the child or use the child! Simply do exactly what the court papers say AFTER he has pursued the legal rights to his child. I hope this helps. I wish someone would have taken the time to help me when I was going through everything with my ex!

[kcomissiong]

So, basically what you are asking is "Can you, at some point in the future, eradicate the memory that you slept with this man by keeping him away from his child?". No, you cannot keep a father away from his child simply because you lack the maturity to separate your relationship with him from his relationship with his child. Attempting to do so by falsifying the birth certificate is morally reprehensible, and a crime. You gave up your right to have total control over this situation when you chose to sleep with him. The father has custody rights by BIOLOGY, he simply needs to go to court to exercise them. As the father, is is his right to pursue visitation or custody if he wishes, and his responsibility to support that child financially. From what you wrote in your question, he is perfectly willing to be a father; why in the world would you try to stop that?

Furthermore, what purpose would this serve? Your child, or you need to forget that you slept with him? How would your child benefit from not knowing who their father is, not having an opportunity to have a relationship with him, not having his financial support, not being able to collect any inheritance or benefits that are due to them, and not knowing who they are and who's they are? How would they benefit from a protracted court battle if the father has to fight you in court to establish paternity, visitation, or custody? It seems that all you are thinking about is yourself, and not the welfare of your child. Everyone who is telling you to falsify the BC is telling you not just to commit a crime, but to use your own child as a pawn against his/her father. What kind of advice is that? Please make a mature, legal and adult decision here (That is part of being a GOOD PARENT) before a court makes it for you (all it would take is him filing to establish paternity) and then prosecutes you for fraud, or punishes you for your parental alienation by giving him sole custody.

[kcomissiong]

Actually, a birth certificate isn't there for him to "work at proving himself a real dad", it actually just says who fathered the child.

[Synnen]

your not selfish dont let people tell you that!! Believe me... alot of men will use a child to get to you and not care what it does to their child in the mean time. Its their "control" of the situation. If the father of the child wants to be in his babies life, he will push the court issue. AND the court will set up visitation and child support all in writing so that NEITHER parent can take off with the child or use the child! Simply do exactly what the court papers say AFTER he has pursued the legal rights to his child. I hope this helps. I wish someone would have taken the time to help me when I was going thru everything with my ex!

And WOMEN never use a child to get back at men? YOU are bitter and giving horrible legal advice.

A birth certificate is a LEGAL document. Falsifying it only hurts the child.

A child has the RIGHT to know their biological history.

Sorry you didn't have the good judgement to have sex with someone who was willing to co-parent with you. But I'm rather MORE sorry for the guy who got screwed by your attitude that he shouldn't have any rights just because you're sorry you had sex with him.

[ScottGem]

I will point out this thread was first posted 5 months ago and the OP has never added to this thread. So if there is anymore on this I will close it.

[ScottGem]

[Quote crazy7gem]I am not advising anyone to break the law... according to my attorney it is my choice if I put the father on the birth certificate... it is only illegal if I name someone who is not the father. If the father later is identified because of child support or any other reason the birth certificate does not have to be changed and really it does not cause any problems for the mother. I do not give legal advise nor do I advise anyone to break the law. I have an attorney and know what is legal and what is not.[/quote]

Maybe where you live you have that choice. But that is not the case everywhere. Since the OP has never said where they live you can't make a blanket declaration. From what I know it is illegal to falsify a because. I don't know why your attorney said you can, there may have been other factors that would make it legal.

How you can say you did not give legal advice is beyond me since this issue is about legality.

[AK lawyer]

... From what I know it is illegal to falsify a bc. I don't know why your attorney said you can, there may have been other factors that would make it legal.
...

While I agree with the sentiments expressed (the child has a moral right to have his father named on the BC, etc.), I don't think it is falisification for an unmarried mother to fail to put a father's name on the BC. In fact, in many states she doesn't have that option, even if she knows exactly who he is.

And, morally, the father should be notified and given an opportunity to sign an affidavit of paternity.