[lizbiz]

I am in a new relationship and the guy I'm seeing never calls me. I'm starting to feel really insecure. When he does want to see me, he will call me and want to see me that night. He never calls just to talk or in advance of a date. What bothers me most is that when we are together he is increadibly sweet and devoted, but once we are apart I feel like I don't even exist to him. Last week he was on vacation and never called, which I somewhat understood. When he got back he invited me to eat dinner with his brother, which I thought was very sweet, but now it's been a week again and he hasn't called. I really like this guy, but his lack of attention and communication is driving me crazy. Should I just be patient and available for him when he does show interest or should I walk away from the mental torment?

[QLP]

You shouldn't be at the beck and call of someone who expects you to drop everything when he can be bothered to call.

Don't sit by the phone waiting. Get on with your normal life, seeing your friends etc. Expect him to make a bit of effort to fit around your life too. If he happens to call when you are free it's your choice whether you go out that night or suggest another one, the old line, 'sorry I'm washing my hair tonight' did have it's purpose...

On the other hand, if he is always the one to call there's no reason you can't call him on occasion.

[nataliesjoee]

I know how you feel but maybe You should try calling him sometime maybe he feels the same way.

[Jake2008]

If the two of you have agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend, you should both expect a certain amount of communication on a regular basis. Especially when its new, when usually spending a lot of time together builds the bond between you. That is where you learn about each other, and spend time building a foundation.

If the relationship to him, is not what it is to you, then you need to really sit down and talk to him. Tell him your expectations of being in a relationship with him mean more than just the occasional call on short notice. Ask him if he's interested in making more of an effort, and see if he can't show more interest. If you don't take the initiative to figure out if he's even dating material, how can you learn enough about him to judge a long term relationship.

He could also be a person who has a different idea of commitment, and he thinks everything is okay. Maybe he doesn't want to pressure you, or come on too strong. Maybe he's waiting for you to to call him, and make arrangements to go out. Because the relationship is new, I see this as both of you needing to make an effort to communicate more.

Why not call him, ask him over for dinner. During that date, ask him what his schedule looks like next week, and see if you can't meet up in a few days, even for coffee. If you make the effort to move the relationship out of the starting gate, perhaps he will too.

[I wish]

Sounds more like you need to have a talk to lay out some ground rules. At the moment, it sounds like he's going on his own schedule. He will find you when he has the time.

Have you taken the iniative to contact him? He might be wondering why he hasn't heard from you either.

Are you really boyfriend and girlfriend or is he just treating you like a close friend? Sounds to me that you haven't defined your relationship together yet.

Too many unanswered questions and he's the one with the answers. I suggest you discuss your concerns with him.

[tess61]

I say don't call him or text him. Don't make yourself avaiable to him. Don't answer when he calls, if you are always available it looks like you don't have a life.