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LoveLittleStar · Jan 13, 2011, 05:18 PM

I've known this guy for almost 3years. We always talk and text but recently I got out of a long relationship and he was there for comfort and we started to go to lunch to chat. I had a relationship with a guy best friend before and he broke my heart so I'm cautious. I never found him attractive and we are totally different but I feel a connection and I now see him in a different light. Should I go for it or see if it's just a phase that passes? Please I need help!

excon · Jan 13, 2011, 05:25 PM

Originally Posted by LoveLittleStar

Should I go for it

Hello Love:

Sure. I think it's better to become friends BEFORE you become lovers.. That's because lovers sometimes don't become friends.

excon

Wondergirl · Jan 13, 2011, 05:26 PM

"Go for it?" Why not just go out with him to a movie or to McDonald's or to the zoo, do jigsaw puzzles, make and fly paper airplanes, bake a batch or two of cookies, and just have fun together as you get to know each other.

You aren't promising to marry him after the first fifteen minutes. You can date him and date other guys too and get to know all of them. Go out in small groups of guys and girls to the mall and the ice cream shop. Relax!

If you decide he's better as a friend, so be it. If he turns out to be more than that, take your time to finish school and get settled in a career, do the traveling you want to do, because once you settle down with one guy (married, I hope) and start having children, your priorities will change, and it won't be easy to dive into activities and projects. You'll be busy packing up diaper bags and doing meal planning.

erinbarrons · Jan 13, 2011, 05:28 PM

Well, relationships that are based off friendships usually last longer and have a stronger foundation... BUT, in your case it sounds like you should take some time to yourself first get over your recent break up, so that you're not just rebounding with your friend. It's okay to keep hanging out with this guy, but just take your time and don't rush into anything. Especially right now, you're particularly vulnerable because you just got out of a relationship, so your guy friend might seem more appealing to you because he's being there for you. Maybe when you've given it more time and thought, go for it!

LoveLittleStar · Jan 13, 2011, 05:47 PM

Thanks for your help guys. You were all helpful but Im still so unsure. He's very interested in me and I've known this for a long time and Im not sure if knowing this is making me feel more for him knowing that someone has interest in me. Is that normal or am I just screwed?

Wondergirl · Jan 13, 2011, 05:50 PM

Originally Posted by LoveLittleStar

Im not sure if knowing this is making me feel more for him knowing that someone has interest in me. Is that normal or am I just screwed?

This is normal. There's only one way to find out if this attraction will go anywhere. Report back in a few weeks and let us know how things are.

excon · Jan 13, 2011, 05:53 PM

Originally Posted by LoveLittleStar

Is that normal or am I just screwed?

Hello again, Love:

If you're lucky, it could be both.

excon

joypulv · Jan 13, 2011, 07:22 PM

Im not sure if knowing this is making me feel more for him knowing that someone has interest in me. Is that normal... Yes.

Or am I just screwed?. How? It sounds like you have baggage from an old friendship-turned-intimate that failed. He is not that man. Look at HIM, listen to him, ask yourself these questions that you are asking strangers online.

nataliesjoee · Jan 14, 2011, 03:58 AM

I say that you should wait a while then maybe try it. But I'm going more on no. If it doesn't end up working out it could ruin your guys friendship its happened to me before

Jake2008 · Jan 14, 2011, 08:03 AM

He sounds like a very good friend, and you are lucky to have him in your life.

To move too quickly could end that friendship. Not all male friends have to become lovers. My best friend died a few years ago, and we were there for each other through failed marriages, relationships, and all of life's problems. I miss him. But, that friendship would never have happened, had one of us crossed the friendship line, and became involved romantically.

Weigh the pros and cons carefully, and be honest with yourself. You are seeing him in a different light now, because of your recent loss of a relationship with someone else. Because he is there for you through the difficult aftermath of getting back on your feet again, is easy to confuse with romantic feelings to a point. But while you are healing from your recent past, I would stick with the friendship.

Time is your best friend right now. Allow yourself the time you need to make good decisions about your future, before being involved with any man again.

I wish · Jan 14, 2011, 08:20 AM

Wait until you've completely healed from your previous break up before you jump into another relationship with anyone for that matter.

As for this friend, just keep on being friends. Just keep getting to know each other better. Be patient with yourself, healing from your break up should be your priority at the moment.

johnsmith1989 · Mar 30, 2012, 04:35 AM

Before taking any decision you should try to understand him and try to know about him and then go for it.

Teddy_Needs_Hug · Apr 1, 2012, 03:13 AM

Hey
Yeah I'm in the same the same position. My best guy friend and I are really close and recently he sent me 3 amazing texts. We've been friends for 3 yrs and we have been In a relationship before and It went really well. Recently I think he has started to have feeling for me again and so my family have invited him away so I can tell him how I feel and find out he feels (plus I kind of get lonely on holidays) So I would say go for it and tell him how you feel