[cookiemonster91]

I'm 19 and hoping to propose to my girlfriend of the same age. I am 4/5 kids in my family eldest 28 and youngest 12 I would be the first to get engaged. I'm very worried about telling my parents as they are very unsupportive having married at 18 and split up 28 years later. Me and my girlfriend have talked about it a lot and it's what we both want we're both deeply in love with each other and couldn't imagine anything better. However telling my parents would result in abusive phone calls from the whole family, I don't expect them to pay for anything, I wouldn't even mind if they didn't care (I'm used to it with a big family) but the fact that they will all gang up on me saying it's a bad decision not to mention I have ordered the ring now and it will be delivered any day soon putting me under pressure of them getting it in the post or finding it later on either way I will have to tell them.

P.S. A lot of people have said to try doing it in a public place, my mum for certain won't mind making a scene in a public place...

Edit: We have been together for almost 3 years and we both feel completely ready.

[Wondergirl]

Actually, at first news of this, I'm against it too.

Have either of you dated others?

Do both of you have plans for college/uni, a career?

Have you talked about money and savings, babies, a place to live?

Have you gotten premarital counseling to make sure you're both on the same page?

How long have you dated?

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, I would like to know plans, how long do you plan on being enganged before you get married ?

Do you have jobs, how do you plan on making a living, paying th bills, what about college ?

After that you have made a choice, you feel you are a adult and can make adult choices, So now you tell them, I would tell them with both of you there,

If you have made your choice, so what if they don't accept or agree, *** it appears it is not a issue in your culture to go against parent wishes.

[Just Dahlia]

[QUOTE=;][/QUOTE
From your speech, I am assuming you are some where in Europe. If you are worried about your Mum or parents in general, I'm thinking you might not be ready. It is an early age for "FOREVER" and that is what marriage is and should be about, sometimes people fall in love deeply many times between 20 and 30:)

Edit: and 40 and 50 and 60

[cookiemonster91]

Yes we have dated others, she is at uni already I'm on a gap year earning money for uni next year, She has a savings account already for the future, I'm working on it this year :P. We plan on marrying next summer 2012. Yeah we don't mind going against parents wishes normally but it's obviously a lot more important this time. I think her parents will be fine with it, her fathers a priest and her mums from a line of priests making them happy about marriage (I hope). We just feel we are completely happy with each other and don't want to screw up something so awesome just because people fall in love many times. Not aimed at you just dahlia, I've just heard it a lot :)

[redhed35]

the advice you have been given is straight up and you can't get much better then that.

if you are both intent on going ahead with this is there any reason why you can't get engaged and plan to marry in a few years?

if you both feel your ready for marriage you should be ready to face your family.

it's a huge commitment and not just about being in love, there is the legal,financial,emotional,mental and the day to day living that has to be taken into account.

a home for you both,children,bills,tax,work,school.

being in love while wonderful its not very practical,and you need to have a practical head on your shoulders to go ahead with this.

if you can show that you have properly discussed the issues I have outlined above and show that you have a plan and are being mature,you may have a fighting chance.

be smart and taking love out of the equation ask yourself are you BOTH ready for marriage?

[talaniman]

I don't know how long you have been dating each other, but I think waiting through this year, and part of next is a good way to go about planning for your futures. That at least will give you time to see how the relationship goes, and since you don't seem to just be rushing into this life changing event, then my only advice is to be honest, and build the communications between you, and stay willing to work together.

Please think with your heads, and not just your feelings, because love never prepares you for the work involved when the love feeling is replaced by the working love, that carries you the rest of the way through life, and all the obstacles that you run into later.

Doesn't matter what others think, whether family or friends, just what you both think, because while love don't pay the rent, opinions don't either. A positive thoughtful plan, and some Good Orderly Direction, will get you through, and get the rent paid.

[DoulaLC]

I think that not planning to marry before summer 2012 will be something to emphasize with your family.

As red said, discuss the major concerns that will come up ahead of time with your girlfriend, before speaking to your families. Show that you have given thoughtful consideration to the obligations you will have, including both of you finishing school, and it is not just a whim because you are "in love".

A long engagement can allow the two of you time to get to know each other even better... how both of you handle money, stress, disagreements, communicating needs with each other, setting and working towards goals, etc. These are things that far too many people fail to consider and discuss when thinking marriage. They often only look at loving each other and setting up house. A long engagement will also be more likely to appease your families that you are not rushing into it. (Your parents splitting up after a long marriage of 28 years likely had little to do with marrying at 18).

Fingers crossed it goes smoothly for you. Be sure and come back and let us know.

[dontknownuthin]

I would have ready and logical, well thought answers to their inevitable questions about how you will support yourselves, how you will pay for a wedding, how you will finish college, whether your girlfriend is expecting a baby (why a lot of younger people get married) and so on.

If your families are financing your college be prepared that they may stop if you get married.

Before you speak to them look into things like married housing or off campus apartments.

One thing that would help if my son were to tell me this while still in college would be if he told me a wedding date for the summer after both the bride and groom graduated from college.

There's a reason people object to marriages in your circumstances - they don't usually work out well, and/or either or both party don't finish school.