[jmjoseph]

Keep in mind that he doesn't have a problem lying to women.

[Kitkat22]

Keep in mind that he doesn't have a problem lying to women.

If the truth be known... you're not the first fling , nor will you be the last... just an opinion Here is an article from a marriage counselor found on line

Will my lover leave home for me?
The short answer is that it's not likely. Indeed some experts believe that if a married lover fails to make plans to leave home within the first three months of an affair – he or she will never leave.

Whether this is true, it's certainly apparent that if an affair goes on for a long time – and sometimes they go on for 20 years or more – the outcome is usually bleak.

When women find themselves in long-term affairs of this kind, with a married man – they often sacrifice their friends, their family and their chance of marriage and motherhood. When they're young, they say they do this willingly. But they can become very sad, and often bitter, in the end.

The harsh truth is that even if a married lover does eventually leave his wife, or even if that wife actually dies, the man will often take up with someone new instead of marrying his long-term mistress.

Now that women have careers and reliable contraception, they too start affairs when their marriages go stale. So, nowadays there are plenty of male lovers hanging on and hoping that their married female lovers will leave home. But the chances of a happy future are no better for them than they are for women in a similar position.

In my practice: I'm seeing an increasing number of people who have had long affairs at work, but they suddenly get dumped when they or their lover retires. This is happening to both genders and can be terribly painful.

Retirement itself involves a loss of identity for lots of individuals – so having to also cope with the loss of love, companionship and good sex at this transitional time can be devastating.

[megryan27]

Hi, I understand you two love each other. However, he has a wife and cannot leave her. Hence, you need to decide whether only love is sufficient for you or a name to the relationship is also important because you won't be able to get the position of his wife in the society.
I do understand that getting a person match alike your thoughts is very difficult, but a relationship also needs a name after sometime. You need to be firm and ask him for the last time to divorce his wife and marry you.
I wish you luck and hope he does that else would suggest to move on.

[Kitkat22]

Hi, I understand you two love each other. However, he has a wife and cannot leave her. Hence, you need to decide whether only love is sufficient for you or a name to the relationship is also important because you wont be able to get the position of his wife in the society.
I do understand that getting a person match alike your thoughts is very difficult, but a relationship also needs a name after sometime. You need to be firm and ask him for the last time to divorce his wife and marry you.
I wish you luck and hope he does that else would suggest to move on.

I would hope that this man stays with his wife and children. I think he probably will. Frankly, I'm surprised the wife hasn't left. To Megryan; I don't think a place in "society" is what this woman wants.

[Kitkat22]

One more thing I do know that he talked with his financial advisor today. How do I know you will ask, because I was on one phone with him while he was on the other talking with the advisor and he did mention get his finances in order.

Did you give him an ultimatum? Maybe He's going to skip out on you and his wife and go to another woman? Look I know you want someone to tell you what you're doing is OK. I don't think (And I may be wrong)any expert on this forum will tell you what you want to hear, unless they think you're right...

I'm not trying to be cruel.. I really do feel sympathy for you. But I feel more sympathy for his wife and children. No matter what happens there are no winners in this situation... I'm sorry if I 've hurt your feelings but you asked for advice and I told you mine. It's only an opinion..

[tesnbaz]

No I did not give him an ultimatium. We have very good communication and can talk about anything. We were discussing a lot of things this morning, both of US were in tears because we both know that someone is going to be hurt and to be honest neither of US know exactly how to deal with all of this. I know we both want to be together and I know you will say then be together but that's not as simple as it seems

[Kitkat22]

No I did not give him an ultimatium. We have very good communication and can talk about anything. We were discussing alot of things this morning, both of US were in tears because we both know that someone is going to be hurt and to be honest neither of US know exactly how to deal with all of this. I know we both want to be together and I know you will say then be together but thats not as simple as it seems

Simple... there is nothing simple about any of this... I feel for you... I feel for his family.. No dear.. it's not simple and as I said.. don't get your hopes up. Did you read the article I posted? If it were simple no one one would be hurt. You're probably a mess waiting on him to make up his mind... No... it isn't simple... I wish there were something I could say to give you enough strength to tell him it's over and when he comes back in a week or two wanting you and willing to do anything.. you could tell him where to get off... Kit

[positiveparent]

Don't get me wrong here but you are on a one way ticket to heartbreaksville.

This man has been married for 30 years, do you really believe he will throw all of that away for you.

I too feel for his wife, I bet she knows about what he gets up to, women have a knack of sensing things like this.

I really don't wish to rain on your parade, but I think you have more chance of winning the lottery than having this Man up sticks and settling down with you.

As has been stated maybe he will leave his wife, however I would think he knows where his bread is buttered, after all they've gone through the hard parts together, they're children are grown, they have a history together.

Some Men do like to try having their cake and eating it. You will most likely be the one who ends up Hurt, Drop him. And Keep yourself respect.

[liz28]

I have never walked in your shoes but I knew someone who has. I have seen my best friend fool around with a married man for 10 years and guess what? He never left his wife. He kept lying to her over and over and she like a fool fell for his lies. She even had the nerved to get mad at his wife>>what the hell. Well, I am happy she finally woke up and left this situation but it took her 10 years. However, once she did my friends and her knew her "a welcome to reality party" and had a blast.

Then my brother in law is currently cheating on his wife and is back and forth between his mistress and wife. The thing that sicken me is that both females accept this and bicker with each other instead of the guy. I just shake my head and hope one of then wake up. BTW, this been going on for the past 3 years.

So again, you have to decide and there are other threads you can read from women in the same situation as you. When I was single I never mess around with a married man even though I got hit one by more than a few. AllI had to hear was "I am married but" then they got the hand. I didn't want nor did I entertain their sob story about being unhappy.

[Kitkat22]

I have never walked in your shoes but I knew someone who has. I have seen my best friend fool around with a married man for 10 years and guess what?? He never left his wife. He kept lying to her over and over and she like a fool fell for his lies. She even had the nerved to get mad at his wife>>what the hell. Well, I am happy she finally woke up and left this situation but it took her 10 years. However, once she did my friends and her knew her "a welcome to reality party" and had a blast.

Then my brother in law is currently cheating on his wife and is back and forth between his mistress and wife. The thing that sicken me is that both females accept this and bicker with eachother instead of the guy. I just shake my head and hope one of then wake up. BTW, this been going on for the past 3 years.

So again, you have to decide and there are other threads you can read from women in the same situation as you. When I was single I never mess around with a married man even though I got hit one by more than a few. AllI had to hear was "I am married but" then they got the hand. I didn't want nor did I entertain their sob story about being unhappy.

Read what Liz has posted here. She has seen first hand what infidelity can do. You need to wake up. Good advuce Liz... Kit

[rkm335]

I know from experience that 1 year becomes 2, becomes 3, becomes 4. For me, it became double digits... and still despite the love and the friendship and the amazing bond between us, I was still on the outside looking in, spending Christmas and birthdays alone, vacationing on my own, living life on my own. I finally said "no more" but not before giving over a decade to this man.

Two of my girlfriends ended up marrying men that they started to see while the men were still married, but both of these guys got out of their marriage within 6 months. I believe that if a guy is ever going to leave his wife, it will definitely happen in your first year together. If it has not happened by year 3, trust me when I say this - it never will.

[JudyKayTee]

And I never understand - based on what you and other people have written - how women get involved with married men (or the other way around). First, I don't understand how a woman can hurt another woman in this fashion. Second, if he cheated on her there's a very good chance he'll cheat on you.

There are one time cheaters who learn a lesson and serial cheaters who keep right on cheating. I don't know how you tell them apart. I would be as concerned about his lies (and when you date someone who is married you KNOW he's lying to someone about something) as I would be with the cheating.

My friends who are or were involved with married men tell me I never got involved with a married man because I never met a married man who was attractive enough to me to get involved with. I don't think that's the case. I'm sure I dated married men without knowing it. When I found out I was out of there.

All we basically have in this life is time. Why waste it on a married man?