[aluenee]

I'm really getting hang over by it.. I don't want to lose her. I love her a lot.. I do miss her a lot.. Guys,is there no value for my love? Is it bad to love some with true heart..?

[talaniman]

What's all wrong with your whole love position, its all about you. Re read this thread, and all your comments are about YOU. Just count the "I's" in your posts, and step back, and you will see its You in love, you looking for a solution, and you suffering. Does the facts she cannot, will not help you build something, not strike you as strange?

How old are you both?

Because it sounds like she has no choice in things, and can only do as she is told by someone else, and her well being is in the hands of others. Well hey guy, then its doesn't matter what she says, or wants, nor does it matter what you want, or feel either, since neither of you can do a darn thing about the circumstances, so have no control over the outcome.

It is what it is, and all you can do is accept being friends, or go talk to her father and see if you can sway him, over the other guy. If you cannot, or she is against such actions, then sorry guy, your love is hopeless and the only option is to run away and live together.

I highly doubt she would agree to any of those things so stop running into a brick wall, and get your head wrapped around the fact that your love falls on deaf ears simply because she, or you has any control over this love, and can do nothing about it. Now you can continue your romantic fantasy fueled by desperate, and intense feelings, high hopes, and desires, or you can look at this as a something out of your control.

When next you chat, drop the fluff and fuzzy crap, and ask her what you have to do to get what you want! Her response will shock you!! She only wants friendship dude, or wouldn't she tell you to talk to her parents?? Is that not the custom, and tradition of your culture??

Is it bad to love some with true heart..?

Yes, when its only your heart, and not hers.

[LightCross]

So I've not forced her and I didn't interrup her relation

Well if you keep approaching her like this indirectly you are interupting her with her current boyfriend . I bet right now she is pretty much confused because she has to deal with two men in her life atm one being a man she loves but not her BF and the other being a man who is her current boyfriend.

If about trust worthy.. I'm better than his existing boyfriend.. Do you think I want her to be with the guy who keep making other girlfriend?

Sadly the person who have authority to let her choose she should be with is no other than herself.You are more trustworthy than her current boyfriend?Sure.You are better than her current boyfriend?Sure, but no matter how much better you are than her current boyfriend in the end the decision is up to her who to choose and the situation now is that she chose the guy to be her boyfriend. Her boyfriend cheat behind her back?Then it is her consequences that she should deal with later on and it is up to her whether to let her boyfriend get away with it and keep continue with him or dump him later on, you really have no control over this matter, you can't control her in this. You really should back down and not forcing this head on because I already said that no matter she later will give in to you or not it won't change the fact that with her current state she won't be able to develop healthy relationship with you.As for now it is wise to back down and focus on one thing which is YOU

[Alty]

Tal is right. This is all about you. You talk about what you want, how you feel, what you need.

Here's the bottom line. She has a boyfriend. That boyfriend isn't you. If that isn't a clear choice I don't know what is.

Your love does count, but it only counts to you, not to her. She sees you as a cherished friend, someone she can talk to. I'm sure that when she tells people about you she describes you like a brother, her pal, someone that listens to her and is always there for her. If she saw you in a romantic way then the boyfriend would be history. He isn't. Doesn't that tell you anything?

I asked you before and I'd like you to think about it and answer me. How long will you hold on to this? How long will you live in a fantasy world? When she marries someone else will you finally realize that you two cannot be together? What will it take to make you wake up and realize that truth?

[aluenee]

My fren(girl) once in her hostel asked D in a game dare and truth.. That if she loves me or not.. Then at that time she said we.'re just fren.. Then my fren said about it.. She was scolding me just to get back off.. She's doesn't love you.. I've seen you in tension and falling in ditch already because of love.. I care about you and don't want to see you again in it..

But I didn't believe. And just after the game D had said in mail that my fren asked her in whole crowd if she love me or not.. actually we not yet told anyone about us to others except that my fren.. And we don't want it to say to other. I don't wannt because she's still in a relation .and if we express our love in front of other it'll make her feel bad na..

I didn't want but yesterday.. I mistakely talked about same matter accepting and bla bla.. I said her am I interrupting in your life? Have I done wrong to love you? And bla bla.. And she asked me? ""Please say na what shall i do?""
then me said.. Just find out yourself whom you love more. With whom you'll happy with whom you wanna live your whole life. With whom you are happy and who is trustworthy..

She was feeling bad by it then she said. Thanks bf..i'd not realized this. I'd never expected you to ask such questions to me.. And her eyes were full of tears and so did mine... And she asked me ""will you leave me?""

me:don't you dare to say like that.. I love you yar.. I won't leave you.. ""

she: if you found other girl then you can be in relation with her. . You have right na..

Me:don't you have trust over me? I love you. Why would i search for other girl.. Don't i have right over you?

She:yep you have.. You've right over me..

Hmmm.. I made her feel bad by asking those questions to her.. She doesn't want to talk about other guys with me.. She said me, why you made me remember this thing again.. And bla bla..

Whenever this topic goes on she asks me.. ""you say na bf,what should i do? ""

I can't say her to be with me.. She loves me but I can't force her.. I don't know what to do what to say.. And my mind is already hang.. Coz of my ex,I'm stucked in such situation.. I've been in such case twice.. Before I'd to lose my ex.. She liked other and broke up me for other guy and now again in such situation.. Do I give her(D) very much attention?the only thing we can do is fb mail, chat and sometimes cal.. If we don't do that also. Then we'll be out of contact.. I've covered the road towards her a lot. And getting back from that way is really hard for me..

[aluenee]

No.. We're just nineteen twenty.. Just now beginning first year of bachelor level.. Marrying is so far.. not marrying now.. Ha ha.. Yeah I've other options.. I'll be facing some girls in my new college.. But I'm committed to her.. I want to be with her despite the long distance relationship..

[Alty]

She was feeling bad by it then she said. Thanks boyfriend.. I'd not realized this. I'd never expected you to ask such questions to me.. And her eyes were full of tears and so did mine... And she asked me ""will you leave me?""

This part of your post says it all, at least to me it does.

As a girl do you want me to translate what she's saying?

Her: I'd never expected you to ask such questions to me. I was hoping you wouldn't ask me to choose, that you wouldn't bring up this situation. I just want to keep you as my friend.

Her: And she asked me ""will you leave me?" You're my support. I don't love you the way you want me to, but I'm greedy and selfish and I don't want to give you up even though I won't break up with my boyfriend to be with you.

That's what I see.

She's a very selfish person. I'd have a lot more respect for her if she had said "Let's take a step back, not contact each other. I can't give you what you want and it's not fair to keep stringing you along."

[aluenee]

Attenweg, I don't know what you saying.. I wish you were here with me.. Or I wish you would know her feelins.. Then I would know what she wants and she does not? Do you think now I should keep space between her? Keep on ignorin her? Let her feel my absence? And do you think I should again talk about this? Huh? Should I again talk about this accepting, and bla bla? Whatever you said may be true.. But I don't know why but I don't believe your words. I do trust her.. Should I again talk about this topic with her? She'll again feel bad and cry..

[kaka67]

Talk is cheap... Actions are what cost.

And you aren't worth the price she is willing to pay.

She's not with you, she's with her boyfriend.

She can cry all she likes but she obviously does give a rats *** about your feelings does she?

About time you man up and find someone who is free and available instead of running after "sloppy seconds".

Sorry if that's harsh but that's what your getting.

[talaniman]

The problem isn't with her , its with you, going crazy trying to have something that is unavailable. Your commitment to her is very premature, and unhealthy, because she does not return that commitment.

You talk of the other guy, and all his females, but that's how you started with her, or have you forgotten that you had a girlfriend, whose back you went behind to get with this girl. Even her friend has told you to back off. So we know that you will listen to know one except those that help you get what you want, her to be your girlfriend. She is at a hostel, away from both you and the other guy, so neither of you can court her properly, just over the phone and social networks, so its best to back off this love thing and be a good friend until you can actually see and talk face to face, because one thing is very obvious my friend, and that's the fact she loves the attention you give her, and she will not make a commitment to you, even though she has said you have a right to her, whatever that gobble de goop means, which is NOTHING.

We cannot know her feelings as you say, as to us it's a very young far away love situation to you, and a friendship to her that makes her feel good because lets face it, all females love that kind of attention. Why are you so obsessed with her? Because you think by being nice you will get what you want, instead of being honest and straight as a decent self respecting man would be. You are allowing her to keep you in limbo, chasing crumbs of hope and no matter what she tells you, or any one else, you still pursue to the point of neglecting all else. You can't even have a normal happy life without running to keep your appointments with her, and that my friend is what the unhealthy shame is. She says you can't be her boyfriend because she has one, and instead of backing off you give more, better than her boyfriend.

Get it in your head to stop acting like a love sick puppy and stop allowing your obsession to commit to someone that cannot commit to you. That's plain crazy, and you should really back off instead of giving more. Get your own life together and have a healthy balance of friends and activities that will actually make you happier, and more attractive to her. Right now you are just a fool for her charms, and a diversion from her own existence at this time. Do you really think that is attractive to her? Obviously its not.

Look guy you have tried your way, and its making you nutty with frustration, so what have you to lose by taking a few simple suggestions and backing away from possessing this woman, and get into her mind, as a friend. You can't have a romance or a title right now any way, so what's the point? If that's all you want, fine, its not happening, so what are you doing? You are hanging around trying to get what she will not give you. Good Luck with that.

Because you have only one thing on your mind, you cannot see all the options you do have, so keep running head first into the brick wall, over and over again, like you have been, and stay a frustrated stuck young fellow who hasn't figured it out for himself yet. You will be that way as long as you are so bent one a single minded goal, and have no others.

You can't keep something in your life by holding on so tight, relax, lighten up, it will be there because its meant to be. Stop obsessing on a freaking title, and enjoy the friendship, and share the things you do for yourself with your friend, just do as she asks, and don't mention other girls to her. I thought that an odd thing to say, but when you think about it it makes perfect sense, and probably why a guy like her boyfriend does what he does, and has the girl, and you don't, and won't.

Go have yourself some good clean fun, and let things happen naturally. Stop trying to get that commitment, and see if she will want to give it to you. Get away from the problem for a while, and a solution will appear.

Approach your life as a man would, and not a young guy who can't have a toy he sees. The brain will not function well when its stuck on one thing. See your life in a broader sense, and not the narrow view of child hood where feelings and emotions, cloud the common sense of what's the best way to resolve problems and issues.

When you can step back, you will see that she doesn't have to commit to you, or accept you as a boyfriend, because she has all that from you already, so she can keep her boyfriend, and have you too, FRIEND because you give all right now, so why should she make any choice right now? That would be pretty dumb on her part wouldn't it? You will see a lot once you take a step back, and let your brain work, and stop following your heart. The heart cannot think, only feel, so take a minute or two and let your brain work for a while.

Your way has frustrated you, mine will free you, at least stop your from being stuck, and allow you to see yourself better. That's what you need.

[aluenee]

Thanks a lot.. It is best advice for me.. Thanks to all yar.. Thanks.. I'm feeling very lucky to get into this web site and got linked with you guys..

Hey your language somewhere , didn't get into my mind because it got very long hee hee. Don't mind . I'll read it again and again.. Today I've almost ignore her.. And not got online yet.. I can't leave it just right now. So probably I'll get online for a while and leave it.. As you said:) yeah whatever it is she's far from us.. And no need to panic for getting into relation with her.. Ok I'll try my best to follow you.. And but one thing is sure I love her and don't want to lose her.. I'll comment again tomorrow.. Thanks guys.. Love you guys..

[LightCross]

What he was talking about was you should take a step back to see the whole picture because right now you're somehow looking too close at the picture and focusing your mind on one single detail of the picture.

Handle the problem not with feeling only but with both feeling and logic. For now focus on yourself, improve then when you both are really meant to be chances will appear.

[kaka67]

And but one thing is sure i love her and don't wanna lose her..

She isn't yours to lose. She's someone else's.

When your sick of the crumbs she's giving you, you will move on.

[aluenee]

Advice of you guys helped me in chat yesterday.. I'd told her direct yesterday everything you've talked about.. And I said her directly if you're hang over because of situation then I'll back off.. And she kept on pleading me not to do so. We chatted till 4.30am in mrng.and she's cried too.. I've told her, yeah its no use of choosing now because nothing can we do for now except chatting and doing contact.. I understand your situation. But if you think you're confused. I'll back off. I love you lot.. But I need to back off for your happiness.. She saying no and no.. Yesterday her net was not connecting and me also didn't give any care and she'd texted me in mobile. I got two hours late online.. And since 10pm to 4.30am we chatted continuously.. And she has dropped her tears at night.. Now I'll just back off silently if she again talk about her being confused.. Thanks to you guys..

[aluenee]

Whatever I did , was it better?

[aluenee]

We're currently in long distance relationship. She'd left the country before three months... She got a mail from a guy... saying I love you so much and kiss you.. I got to read that mail before her when I checked out her Facebook.. and she 'd deleted that mail.. Then I wrote mail to her-

".."why you deleted that mail? Do you want to hide that from and you want me not to see those mails and may be your reply to that mail... why he sent such mail?you want all to be happy with you.. If you deleted that mail. Its OK, but at least you'd to share with me na that he had sent you such mails.. Be honest to me na.. If you stop sharing with me then don't you think it will make me feel bad? If I do share everything with you although may be it hurts you sometimes but I do share with you and make everything be normal but why not you? Or you just love me,because you need me?"."

She replied to me-
"."do you know why I deleted that mail?its just for you.. I know if you read that mail,you won't feel good and you can't sleep whole night. But for the one whom I deleted it, sent such mail to me.. Don't you have trust over me? You made me feel think that me myself is very bad girl.. I just didn't want to hurt you but you thought me is not good.. What to do if he loves me and sent such mail to me.. Is it my fault that he love me? Huh boyfriend,what can I do? You know my Facebook password,if I had not trust over you, I wouldn't have shared password.. Yours promise and plus my mom's promise I've not replied to that mail.. sorry for not telling about it,but I don't want to you be hurt by that mail"."

Then I apologised yesterday. And said her not to do like this. I want you to share everything. What if it hurts for a while.. If you're committed to our love relationship then it won't matter. So just share with me.. and she also apologised.. Later it got OK.. when I sent her such mail,it had hurt me double than she got hurt after reading it.. I love her a lot..

Actually this guy loves her.. And his mom had told her(my gf)to pretend that she loves him just because he was being careles to his daily life.. And she had done so and she used to reply those mails saying I love you too, just pretending of loving him as said by his mother.. Me had read such mails before too,and I asked why you sent him such mails.. If you love him then why you pretending to love me too? And bla bla.. But later she said its just for her mom.. And it's the same guy who sent such mail to her..

Should I just take it normal? Or should I react over other guys sending her mails saying I love you so much and kiss you??

[joypulv]

Two comments:
- Long distance relationships are extremely difficult, and often don't work.
- Mistrust will kill any relationship.

I do sympathize with your hurt, but I also believe her. She DID give you her FB password?? WOW. Most married couples don't even give each other their passwords. But that's beside the point. You either trust and believe or you don't, and if you don't, you leave. You can't survive on mistrust. And more often than not, if you are suspicious, the other person will break up with you first.

[aluenee]

As I know her Facebook , Yahoo, password, nimbbuzz password, she too knows mine.. We've trust over each other . No doubt in that.. I do love her a lot so this makes me feel doubt sometime.. Me just said her to share rather than keeping it hidden thinking I'll be upset..

[aluenee]

Only this?

[aluenee]

I love her so much.. But we have not kissed each other yet.. Now she is in abroad for study.. Before I couldn't ask her for kiss because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. Just last night of the day she was leaving the place, I asked for a kiss, but she denied.. May be she got puzzled.. or amazed or fear.. Whatever it is, is it necessary that kiss should be done being boyfriend and girlfriend?

We have been knowing each other since three years.. Two years, we studied same college.. We got intimate and became closest friend of each other. For six months we had been studying in next city. There we got more intimate. Fell in love with each other..

Then after that she went abroad for her study. Now she'll be back here after four months. By the time it'll be a year.. We do regular chat, sometimes phone calls, sending recorded voice and pictures, so maintain our long distance relationship.. But still not kissed each other.. Neither can we, because we can't date each other now... We may kiss after some months.. Lets see what happens.. She'll be here for twenty two days.. If not that time then again I'll have to wait to see her for next twelve months..

Should I have kissed her earlier?