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    honeysherenow's Avatar
    honeysherenow Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 5, 2011, 12:18 PM
    Is there a site
    23 years ago I gave a son up for adoption . I really thought it was the best thing. When he turned 18 he tracked me down and I tried to welcome him into my life . Hes nothing like my other two children and since he found me he has not only verbally attacked me and I understand that anger but my other two children and even theor friends. Since he made it clear he doesn't want me in his life I have detached myself from him . At least once a year he comes back and verbally attacks at least one of us. Im at the point that I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll be admonished for this but I wish he had never been able to find me . I surely can't be the only one this has happened to so I'm reaching out for advice .
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #2

    Jan 5, 2011, 01:19 PM

    So... tell him to stay away and that you cannot welcome him into your life until he fixes his attitude and addresses his anger issues.

    You are ONLY responsible for making a choice to give him a better life than you could at the time. You are NOT responsible for the person he is now, and not responsible for his issues. He needs to own them as his own.

    In the meantime, get into a birthmother's support group. Lutheran Social Services has several across the country. Other birthparents HAVE gone through this, and it is one of the reasons I tell people to proceed with reunions using extreme caution.

    You may be biologically related to him, but you have NO legal ties to him. If he persists, get a restraining order.
    honeysherenow's Avatar
    honeysherenow Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jan 5, 2011, 02:19 PM
    Comment on Synnen's post
    I have told him this and I have cut off all ties . Its my other children I am concerned about they shouldn't have to pay for my mistake. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #4

    Jan 5, 2011, 07:26 PM

    Thus one of the things I saw about finding, they are more often not like the Oprah meetings but often one side or the other gets hurt emotionally

    Why if he did not want to know you at all if he wants to be stupid, what was his desire to even find you then ?

    But in general, if you see him at door, don't answer, call the police. If he calls, hand up, if you open the door, slam it shut and don't let him in.
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