[Tadao90]

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years but every time we fight he starts cursing and I curse back, then he'll disappear for days! Without talking to me at all or responding to my texts/calls. I know some of the fights are my fault I have some major trust issues with him. He's never cheated but he's very friendly to every one and their has been times his friendliness has gotten him into some deep trouble. I know he cares about me and I care for him as well. But I really tired of this ignoring. Anyway on Christmas her ignored me because he was going to a "family friend's" place. And the next day he texted me as if nothing was wrong so when I asked him what happen to him last night he replied "I didn't wanna deal with ur bull****" (we had gotten into an argument prior to the party) so that made me furious and I asked what he did and he said he was too busy "taking" care of the girl whose house he went to because she was really drunk. That made me really mad because basically he ignored me for some trashy b*%#^ that can't drink responsibly. And he wasn't even sorry he had a "I don't care" attitude. So anyway that led to a fight and I told him it was over. And we haven't spoke ever since. But he texted me for new Yrs wishing me. And I wished it back. Then today I tried talking to him and he was soooo mad because of everything. Now I know in a few days he will try talking to me.. And I'm clueless about what I should say or do? I mean I love him, and he means a lot to me. I know I don't deserve to be ignored but its partially my fault why he ignores me. He's not open about his feelings, he keeps them to himself so when he's mad he either ignores me or curses.. So I'm lost. Helpp!! '

[Jake2008]

You've had three years of experiencing what a relationship is like with him, and he with you.

The most common basic denominator to any successful relationship, is communication, followed by trust. It seems you have neither with this man.

When problems happen in a relationship, and arguments and differences of opinion are not addressed, they don't just go away. Each unresolved conflict adds to the last unresolved conflict, and eventually you have an entire mountain of unresolved issues. Everything else reflects on that. His way of dealing with problems is to disappear, yours is to get angry and lash out (ie the drunk girl at the party). Neither of you are coming closer together and building a good foundation, by communicating your needs and wants effectively.

Because this seems to have become a regular pattern, the non-communication, you are both in a cycle that is doomed to keep repeating itself, until you either split permanently, or until you both decide that you need help in figuring out how to get along. Love is only one part of a relationship, it will not fix what is broken.

And sometimes love is just not enough to undue the damage that has already happened, nor is it enough to learn how to forgive, and work hard at living a different kind of relationship together. And even at that, there is no guarantee of success. Perhaps the two of you are just not compatible.

You can both be 'right' about your assessments of each other, but where does that leave you. Maybe it is time to make a major decision. Get into couples counselling and see what happens, or end it and not invest any more time in heartache and disappointment.

[talaniman]

If you haven't figured out the boundaries and rules of good behavior that covers disagreements, and conduct, then I doubt this lasts much longer, and may be better to let each other go. If you cannot communicate, to work together, what's the point of this thing any way?

Takes more than love to get along, as your seeing for yourself.

[adviceishere]

Wow! That has made me so frustrated! I know exactly where you coming from! U want to be strong and put your foot down but yet your in love and you have anxiety that if you do put your foot down that will be it, but would that be such a bad thing? Taking care of some drunk girl really adds insult to injury! He'd rather mind some annoying drunk than be with you is basically what he's saying! And after 3 years together you don't want it feeling like a waste but unfortunately that drunking girl said it all for me, and I know its easier said than done but you have to be strong! Hmm maybe start txting and flirting with a few blokes you know for the next few days to keep your mind off it and get your boost back, you sound like an honest lovely girl you can do better, have someone take you out next new years for dinner and pampering! Not him! :)