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BarbieQue · Dec 31, 2010, 08:58 AM

My story is longer than I care to write about. I wonder do Grand Parents really have any legal rights ? What if you have a family falling out with your DIL ? So does that mean your 15 year relationship with the Grandkids is over too? Your love for your Grandkids and son are governed by The wife (daughter inlaw) , she can take it all away if you don't agree or jump to the rescue ? Its sort of like black mail. I Think I love my family enough to leave them alone. I will drive 10 hours to visit but if denied the visit after driving that far with enough notice I think I will keep a diary. Then maybe I might then see a attorney for Grand parents rights; I looked that up online and found out Grandparents rights are pretty shallow the only rights we really have is if our kids suddenly die the county will contact family first for their kids and if you feel your grandkids are in danger.

summer_girl · Dec 31, 2010, 09:05 AM

Your understanding of your rights as a grandparent is correct. Under the law, children are essentially the property of their parents, and they decide. I think you have one thing going for you, though. Your grandchildren are older and know your name and where you live. They can come and see you when they get older. I hope you will stay in touch with them somehow. I know this sounds crazy, but what you might do is join Facebook and "friend" them. Hopefully they would give you access; when you send a friend request, it allows a personal message to be sent. You could ask them even if they don't want to friend you, can they please email you so you can stay in touch because you love and miss them. It's worth a try, and most kids that age are on Facebook. I'm sorry that you're hurting over the divorce. Grandparent relationships are collateral damage, too.

summer_girl · Dec 31, 2010, 09:13 AM

I spoke too soon--I totally misunderstood. I thought the parents were divorced. If your son and his wife don't agree to let you see the kids, then that's that. You do have to get along with the parents, somehow. If your son has given all control of family life to his wife, that's his choice and everyone has to live with it. I wouldn't drive the 10 hours for an unannounced visit or keep a diary; those are pretty combative moves. If they are asking you for money and you don't have it to give or don't want to give it, you shouldn't let anybody blackmail you. I hope you and the parents can get along somehow so you can still see your grandkids.

ScottGem · Dec 31, 2010, 09:38 AM

First ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area. Grandparent rights are evolving and they evolved differently in different areas.

But mostly grandparents are being given rights when there is a divorce or one parent dies, not when the parents are still together. Your son has a say in this. Why is he not stepping up for you.

BarbieQue · Dec 31, 2010, 03:36 PM

I suppose the falling out happened less than a week ago.. Shell shock like me. Like I said it's a long story.. I am going to leave them alone , give it some time. I plan to call and see if I can see the kids in Feb.. play it by ear.

BarbieQue · Dec 31, 2010, 03:39 PM

no I won't come unannounced, but just the same I won't give up. I have been driving up to Oregon for 15 years 4x year I own two bizz and time has always been hard but still will continue . I know what I am up against its called discovery.

summer_girl · Dec 31, 2010, 03:44 PM

Do you mean you are trying to build some kind of legal case when you say "discovery"?

BarbieQue · Dec 31, 2010, 03:45 PM

My son and his wide adopted my eldest daughter two girls the adoption was final three months ago my eldest ( drug problem for years). I had those two girls for a year raised one as a new born. We had a bond. Im heart broken.

ScottGem · Dec 31, 2010, 05:08 PM

First, please don't use the Comments feature for followups, Use the Answer options at the bottom of the page instead.

What does "Discovery" have to do with anything? But your best bet is to let things cool off for a bit. And see what happens.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 31, 2010, 05:12 PM

You need to have a "heart to heart come to jesus" talk with your son. He needs to stand up to his wife and allow you to see his kids and your grandkids.

summer_girl · Jan 2, 2011, 10:47 AM

You did a great thing by taking care of those kids when their mother couldn't. It sounds like her parental rights got terminated and now the court has let them be adopted by your son and DIL. Maybe your DIL wants some time for them to settle in to the new arrangement, so they can all get used to things. I can see where it would be good to have some time apart if you were functioning as the kids' mother. It sounds like everybody wants the best for the kids, so it would be great for you to give it time. I don't think anybody is trying to cut you out. If anything, they probably want you to be able to relate to the kids as their grandmother again. I hope it sorts itself out in time.