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JamieB15 · Dec 30, 2010, 08:59 PM

My friends and I have a different opinion of my ex. Some of them say he's being romantic. Others say he's being a creeper. I thought he was being a creeper but now I'm not sure. He has been sending me flowers once a month with sweet notes since I broke up with him and he's designs his own cards which I can tell takes a lot of time and thought.

Do I give him another chance? Is he being a creeper or is he being romantic? How can I tell whether I am setting myself up for a emotional clinger or a romantic guy?

Wondergirl · Dec 30, 2010, 09:01 PM

Why is he an ex?

JamieB15 · Dec 30, 2010, 09:05 PM

Because we just didn't click. He wouldn't open up and the relationship was just going. I felt like I should know him better than I did for as long as we dated.

Wondergirl · Dec 30, 2010, 09:08 PM

Then why are you even thinking and talking about him? It's over. Move on.

JamieB15 · Dec 30, 2010, 09:13 PM

Because he is persistent. His light hearted notes are fine, but then he'll say you're my counterpart. Anyone have any experience with guys that are too deep. Am I the only one that is creeped out by these notes? I always wanted a guy that can't live without me but I don't know that I want this.

Wondergirl · Dec 30, 2010, 09:19 PM

He's not "too deep." He's needy. Move on.

JamieB15 · Dec 30, 2010, 09:34 PM

Thanks Wondergirl. In the future how can I tell whether a guy is needy or romantic? I want a strong romantic man not a needy guy and I can't tell at first glance.

Wondergirl · Dec 30, 2010, 09:48 PM

Go with your gut. If you feel being creeped out is an option, that's probably what's happening for you (otherwise, it wouldn't even come to mind). You're certainly not saying, "Awwww, what a sweetie. Why did I ever dump him?"

He's making you feel obliged to take him back because he's so persistent and "loving."

JamieB15 · Dec 30, 2010, 10:06 PM

I guess what I struggle with is the advice my mom gave. She's no longer alive. She always told me that I would know a man is right for me when he can't live without me. He would do anything and everything to gain my affection. If a guy isn't persistent and doesn't chase after me he isn't worth my time. I'm trying to figure out whether my ex has qualities that I should be looking for? A guy that will never give up on me.

Wondergirl · Dec 30, 2010, 10:09 PM

Your mom didn't have a needy guy in mind. You need to figure out for yourself what it means when a guy says he can't live without you. This case is a good example of what she did NOT mean. I think you are taking your mom's good words much too literally.

Wondergirl · Dec 30, 2010, 10:12 PM

she always told me that I would know a man is right for me when he can't live without me

Before you posted here, you already wondered if this particular guy was creepy/obsessive/trying too hard. Doesn't that tell you something -- your doubts from the get-go?

JamieB15 · Dec 30, 2010, 11:19 PM

I just got off the phone with him. We talked for a half hour and I agreed to meet him up for coffee tomorrow. Wish me luck!

hopelesss · Dec 31, 2010, 04:05 PM

I say GOOD LUCK!!
We all come on here for advice. But at the end of the day its really just other peoples opinions... only you know what's right for you!
And sometimes you just need to learn from trial and error...
Could be something great; could be disastrous.
Best of luck to you both!! I hope you find what your looking for! ;)

talaniman · Dec 31, 2010, 04:45 PM

Good luck!!