[dhflowers2]

A bit of background. My husband is in the military. He is deployed 60-90 on and 60-90 off and so on, normally. When he is home he is on trips 1/2 of the time also. Then when he isn't on trips he has long hours. Got to love the military. Anyway. July 2009 we moved from where we got married and had our 3 children and where we met and most importantly where I am from. This is the first time I have ever been away from my family so it has been tough. We had an option to move here or another place but we chose to move to our new location because my husbands family is here. I was so excited because his family would come down all the time and we talked to them all the time. It was perfect. Well when we arrived not a single person in his whole family showed up to help us get all of our things to our apartment. After we pulled into the state we didn't talk to anyone for two weeks. It hurt us both a lot. We shrugged it off and conitnued to call them and ask them to hang out and do things with us and the kids. They never had time and they were to busy for us. My husband finally said he didn't care and didn't even try anymore.
Well my husband has deployed only twice since we hve been here. The first time his family didn't not call or stop in and say hello or anything to us and we have a 2 & 3 year old. I didn't say anything about it. Well my husband is deployed right now and he will be home in a few days and I think I have caused a huge nightmare in the family.
We all for once got together on Thanksgiving and decided we would not do Christmas on Christmas because 2 families other than myself has plans (my kids and I are active in church that day). Well then my caleld and asked if we could do it christmas day. I said if I had to would but I already had other things that are really important going on. She said I am glad you said no because I don't want to do it then either. Then my brother-in-laws girlfriend texts me a week later and asks if Christmas would be good. I told her the same thing and she said that was fine because she was going to see her family then. Then I got another message from Derricks sister saying she can't wait to do it Christmas Day with the family. I was super irritated because so many of us didn't want to do the get together Christmas Day. I replied to all and said that I thought it would be a better idea to maybe do it a week before or a week later so maybe everyone could get together since the same people that wasn't able to attend Thanksgiving wouldn't miss another event. My kids are are the ONLY kids in the whole family and I thought it would be a good idea to have the other people there since they haven't seen them since we got there. I continued to ask if they could each pick 12 days a year so that we could see them because the kids kept asking about them and it would be a perfect new years resolution for al lof us. Well the email I got back was a nightmare. Saying that I must not think that this family is close knit and this is an insult and when I insult their family I am insulting their mother and by writing this it only allows this family to alienate you more. I was shocked because I didn't realize by asking them to take a day out of the month was so bad. It went on that his sister said I had the tongue of a fool and I should be ashamed of myself and that I needed to go to the doctor to get meds so I could maybe quite thinking about getting together. His mother told me that I needed to talk to someone because I had abandonment issues when my dad left me as a kid and I need to remember that they would always be there if something bad happened. Which is insane because my step dad raised me and my dad came back in my life before we got married. She said my husband is scared of me because they do ask him to go places and he always says no because he doesn't want to make you mad. Key word is they only invite HIM and he had never even asked me because it didn't include his wife or his 2 kids considering his time in minimal. Then his sister and mother both told me that I am sheltering my kids too much and they are missing out on so many things and I am making very bad choices as a parents. I asked my husband about why they would say that and I had the right feeling on how they only invited him to trips where he couldn't go because of work or it was only him and he wanted to spen famiyl time and then he told me the one time she had them and I was so mad at her and I told her it was unacceptable what she did. She had called him and told him that he needed to put me in my place because I am letting the kids miss out. The one time she took them while my husband was on a trip and she text messaged me 20 minutes from when we were supposed to meet and said she dropped the kids off at the lake and I would have to pick them up there. I was in shock. I tried to call her. She wouldn't answer. I had no idea of any lake considering I had just moved there. 4 hours from when I was supposed to pick them up she called and told me the lake she dropped the kids off at and they were with my brother-in-law. I was so mad. When I asked her why it is so bad she can't see the kids she says they do quantity time not quality time. They believe the can only go on expensive trips every so many years and that is the ony time they see each other. I finally wrote an email and just said that they had really hurt my feelings for the things that they had said and I was sorry for asking them to come around and although I would never understand it I would accept it. Then I found tickets to the Polar Express which the kids would love and I emailed everyone. They all said they would go. I bought the tickets. We all met there. The kids and I got on first and we got our seats. Needless to say they chose not to even sit next to us in ALL the empty seats and the only time they spoke was to try to get one of the kids to go sit with them and they told them no. No one said bye to the kids or anything when they waved. Then I was so upset. I told my husband it went great. Then a video chat was scheduled with my husband for Christmas. I invited his family. They all came. I was shocked because the way the had treated us just days before. They talked to my husband like everything was perfect. Afterwards I found that they were all going to eat at a restaurant. After everyone got in their cars I taped on my mother-in-laws window and asked if we could tag along to the restaurant. She said fine and can the kids ride with her. I said OK and the kids said OK and they were so happy. When we arrive I met them at the car to greet the kids and they wouldn't even come to me. They stared at me like the were going to cry. I bnt down and told them it was OK and they ran to me and held my hand. I looked at my mother-in-law and she was giving them a mean look. I asked what was going on. She told me that she told them that they didn't need mommy all the time and that they need to learn to be without mommy. I was shocked. I didn't say anything. I just walked in the restaurant. We ate and we left. Now his mom is messagining me to see the kids everyday. I tell her we are busy. I don't feel comfortable with her having my kids. I feel horrible because it is what I wanted for her to come around and now I don't want her around because of what she has called me and now to my kids. I haven't told my husband but I fear that his family is going to say now that they are trying and I won't allow it now. I am torn because my husband will be home from deployment on New Years Day and I don't want to tell him and I don't want his sister or mother around me or the kids. I don't know what I should do now about talking to my husband because I don't want him to feel like he has to choose but I don't feel like I should set myself or my children up to be hurt more. I want to just not say anything but I know he will ask and I just have this horrible feeling something bad is going to come of all this. Especially the fact the past 4 days my mother in law has been messaging me non stop telling me when I am not busy she wants to see the kids and today when I was at a T intersection 3 cars back and my mother-in-law drove by I pulled out 3 cars behind and went really slow. Needless to say I pulled the investigator card and parked the next street over and watched her park at my house and look in my windows before she left. I am REALLY beginning to freak out. I can't stay busy the rest of my life since I am a stay-at-home mom. AND I feel bad because I want to keep it a secret that my husband is coming home because I don't want them to stir up anything with him just coming home and he will be working nights his first week back. I just don't know what to do or what to say because obviously something that is really small and simple to say is really bad to them. I am just in shock over the whole thing and don't know where to go from here with my in-laws or my husband. I fear he is going to want me and the kids to hang out with them now that his mother-in-law is trying but no she is creeping me out.
Sorry it is so long but so much has happened the past few weeks and I am losing my mind.

[Wondergirl]

Wow! I feel like adopting you and your kids. I applaud you for not dragging your husband into this mess. My mil-from-hell is a goddess next to yours.

My first reaction was, avoid these people. How long will you be in this area?

I know others will read what you wrote and chime in. Meanwhile, I'll absorb this all while I'm asleep. So far, it seems like you are doing the right things and are trying very hard to bring the family together, but it doesn't sound like they want to be together. Talk about herding cats!

[dhflowers2]

I have no idea how long we will be here. We go where they tell us. I met him where I was from and we have always been there. He was stationed there for 7 years. That is my concern. I don't think I can do this for even another month! I am just clueless

[ScottGem]

I have moved this from the Family Law forum. I don't see a legal question here. In fact I'm not even sure what your question is. Your post is too long with only one paragraph break and just too rambling to even discern the question.

You need to boil this down into a summary of a few sentences to let us know what you need help with because few of us are going to spend the time to read it through. Sometimes background is needed, even voluminous background like you provided, in such a case you need to summarize and THEN add the background so we can read on if we need to.

Please use the Answer options at the bottom of the page, NOT Comments to post followups giving a summary.

[dhflowers2]

.