[Krymej]

Hello all.

I was wondering if any of you could help me with this one,
Me and my girl have been dating for about 6 months and we grew together very quickly... you know the kind of feeling you have known them all your life. Having both had bad previous relationships we found sanctuary in each other.
We where very much in love and even in such the early stages of our relationship we where starting to have the same ideals for the future. She said she wanted to have a meaningful relationship with someone that she could share a happy future with. I know a few times I have stressed out about my life in front of her (not a cool move)
And as we live an hour apart and I am the only one that can drive it was quite stressful sometimes trying to get there... of course it was always worth it. But I have a job interview booked and I was going to move closer to the area. I want to get out and have my own space myself!
She said 2 weeks ago that we should take things slower and needed a little more space to think about things I agreed that this would be a good idea for us both and I didn't see her for nearly two weeks! This was because she got a temporary 6 day job and the snow affected travelling conditions. Etc
She was always texting me saying how much she was missing me and thinking about me and that she loved me in the meantime. And she always initiated the conversations I would always wake up to a text from her
On xmas day when I saw her she was kind of a little cold she was her usual sweet self but I just knew something was wrong... on boxing day she was the same.. she still kissed me and cuddled the usual stuff.
When I got home she text me to ask if I got back safely.. I replied to her question but also asked if everything was OK. It was then she dropped the bombshell on me that she just wanted to be friends for now.. I called her and she said it doesn't mean we don't have a future together but she just doesn't want the pressure for us both at this time in her life, she said what is the different of us being good friends to actually dating... (bearing in mind we are not having sex due to her faith) I respect this completely. Loving her I respected her wishes I told her I was hurt and of course I was upset down the phone she was also crying.

What do I do guys? I don't want to lose her and I would not want to throw the friendship we have, I know its early days but I have NOT been hounding her with calls or texts or emails I am completely respecting her space,she has not contacted me at all for a day or so... but I'm just waiting and in the meantime I am working on myself with some of the things I have put aside.
Maybe we will just fall back into dating again? We can go on harmless outings to try and reconnect? I don't know

What do you guys think about this? It would be nice to have an outsiders perspective.

Many thanks.

[jajangmyun895]

I know its hard to understand anyone's feelings let alone a girl's(yes I am admitting that... ) but you have to know that there is a reason for all of this. I may not be a person that has a lot of experience, but I have some. And the last time I had a boyfriend it was a very similar case to this. I just grew to not love him as a life partner, but as a friend. Right now you should leave her to herself and if she wants to talk to you then let her text/call or whatever you first because in order to stay friends you can't just keep talking about what could have been, or why this and why that. So leave her be and try to move on because from your text above I can tell you are very nice :)

[Krymej]

Thank you for your reply jajangmyun895 :)

Just like you have mentioned in your advice I have completely left her too it she needs to understand this is a breakup she can't have the best of both worlds (I mean that in a nice way) she has to see that being friends and being a couple are very different.

... I was surprised that she text me two days after the breakup (through the no contact) and it was quite late she is ALWAYS asleep at this time! Or I would get the typical "good night babe love you text message around this time" she was just asking how I was and she kept replying making small talk and she mentioned something about a notebook of mine being at hers... she said just in case I forgot where it was... its just an old notepad I never use! Lol I have other things at hers like shoes and gloves but she mentions a notepad? Confused or what! :) anyway...
I kept my responses polite and short and didn't ask any questions just replied to her questions. I didn't want to act out of hand and make her feel that she cannot contact me and if I spoke about the breakup it would just annoy her or make her feel upset and push her away, so I kept conversation away from that.

I can't help but read into this now, things are going through my mind like why would she text me? Does this mean she is thinking about me? Or just trying to be nice? I don't know... I am continuing to remain no contact and giving her the space she needs and it allows me to work on myself and gain my own emotional strength.

Why would she say it doesn't mean we won't have a future? Maybe a little space she may miss what we had?

Why are women so hard to understand! Haha

[I wish]

When she sorts things out, she will find you. Don't put anymore pressure on her. Stay busy and distract yourself from thinking about it so that it's not so hard on you. The ball is on her side of the court right now, just wait for her to make the next move.

Be patient and continue to heal from these pains. Focus on learning from your past experience and becoming a better person.

Whether she comes back to you or not, this is a good opportunity to make yourself a better person as you have a lot to reflect on and to learn from.