[Dayana87]

I been with my boyfriend for 3 years and a month, for the last 2 years we been on and off. We broke up in Sept and we decided to get back together in Dec, the reason of the break up was that our shedules where very different, but somehow manage to work through it again. But I just found out that he had a girlfriend while we were broken up, he dated her from sept to nov. I found out on my own and when I confronted him he denied it but it was to late. The girl had reached out to me and we spoke and told me they dated for a month and that she had a 2 year old daugther and he meet her dad and that the reason they broke up was because he broke up with her cause he still loved me and he wanted to give it another try. I didn't scream or yell at the girl I just listen. Later that day my boyfriend admitted to the relationship, he said he was sorry for hurting me and that she meant nothing, but I can't even look at him in the face. I live in brooklyn he lives in yonkers I work in the hospital am a patient relations and that takes most of my time, he works in brooklyn at toyota and he goes to school so we barely have time to talk things out so we're always fighting. For the past 2 days but I know this isn't no good I get the only headaches from all the yelling and arguing, I told him I want a break and he agreed on it. But I don't know what to do I feel very sad,hurt,angry,mad,disappointed all these emotions at once. He keeps telling me that he has no contact w her, I don't know what to do can you work through something like this I don't know if its even called cheating if we wasn't together. He wants to work it out and do couples counseling but I'm not sure if I want that but I know I need to make a decision either I try and work through this and move on or break up... I need help any suggestions?? Help please... :(

[answerme_tender]

You cannot keep doing this on again/off again type relationship. That would just wear you out emotionally!!

If you are broke up---neither one of you have any RIGHT to the other persons relationship information---its neither one of your business, its private to each individual!! Even if you do find out information on one anothers private information while broke up, its no something that you can be hurt by, nor hold against the other person, that is just immature.

You are going to have to decide if this is the man you want to be with, if not then move on with your life, and he will move on with his. There must be something NOT there in this relationship for you to keep breaking up. I think you get back together with him because he is familiar to you, and you are just to busy to go out and start a new relationship with some other guy.

I wish you the best on your choice.

[ITstudent2006]

From what I take from what you wrote this breakup was mutual. Therefore you have no reason to be upset at the fact he dated someone after.

Since then, you guys are back together and I am sure that knowing what he did hurts a little but you can't judge him for that. He was a single man and he can make his own decisions.

What you need to focus on is what the lady said when she reached out to you, and I quote

"the reason they broke up was because he broke up with her cause he still loved me and he wanted to give it another try"

Does this not mean anything to you?

That is how I feel about you getting mad at him. This is how I feel about you two together. You're either in or you're out. No jumping back and forth because sooner or later one of you is going to shut the door.

[talaniman]

Anything can be overcome in a relationship, but I doubt that you two can. Off and on for two years is not a sign of a strong relationship, and you haven't proven to date, you can work out your problems.

Its more like you can't let go, or leave each other alone than a committed relationship. Why this is I have no clue, but this seems yet another in a history of the make up break up nature of this whole relationship.

The only way to break the cycle, is to agree to forgive and work to keep it on, or agree to turn it off and leave it off. The last option is the better one from what you have written.

Really sorry because I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but is the way I see it because every time you break up, it you lose a piece of glue that bonded you. It's a matter of time before somebody gets sick of this and just quit trying.

[Homegirl 50]

Your dating history has not been that great to begin with and it does not appear it will be any better.
His dating when you two were not together is not cheating, so for you to be upset makes no sense.
I think what you two need to do is agree to break up end the back and forth.
It will hurt for a while but you both will recover and be better off.