[cranberry35]

I have been with my boyfriend now for five yrs we can not take our relationship any further because of his kids mother. He pays c/s health ins. And not to mention takes care of her son that's not even his (child doesn't know his biological father or know that his sister father really isn't his) he buys school clothes, Christmas gifts, birthdays for both children but she will not allow him to bring the children around me like I said 5 yrs and I can count on my hands how many times have they been to my house.she claims we're not living right but they were together had a baby and never married now she a saint so she say I have had enough with her and her mess she calls his phone when she knows I'm not around and when he doesn't answer she say I'm keeping him away from his kids that I'm jealous and insecure he has told her that it over between them but she says it my fault and when I got with him it had been a year or more since they hadn't been together but he still helped out because she don't work lives in government housing and has it child but when I came along things changed it became only about the kids and she hates me for it and I promise I've never done anything to her but help him with the gifts for the children. Now that she knows that he is requesting visitation she has tried to have sex with bad mouth me I'm feed up with her and this drama what should I do?

[talaniman]

No need to shout (caps).

Why are you making his drama yours? Is she confronting you personally? If all she can do is bad mouth you to him, then tell him to keep it to himself, and you stay out of it, and let him handle his business, because despite the circumstances, its between them.

It sounds like the court will eventually handle things despite what she does so keep your distance and just give him silent support.

[Jake2008]

When, and if, he legally establishes visitation, it will become a moot point that she does not allow him to have his children in his own home. He should have regular visitation, in his own home, on a regular basis and from what you have said, I don't see why any court wouldn't make sure he has that right.

When that happens, you can only do the best you can to have a positive, nurturing role while his children are in your home.

As far as his ex wanting to rekindle a relationship with him, that should only bother you if you have doubts and a lack of confidence in him. She cannot force him to do anything, or keep the children from him, by holding him emotionally hostage. As long as he does not have legal access to his children, the situation will continue.

[keonoba]

5yrs? Well 1st you need to find out if you are getting married soon, like within the next year because that's too much stress. My boyfriend's baby mama is full of drama and has all these demands for him the entire 9mons we've been dating. But my question to him was... who are you trying to please? Me or her? You can't please both of us because we are not in agreement at this point. Then she use to take every opportunity to try to bad mouth me (and still do). But I talked with her directly and told her this drama has to cease. He made his decision, not however other people react to you that is their business but when you put me in it, then it becomes my business. We are suppose to get married later this year but if we don't, Im saying good-bye to him and his drama.

[Homegirl 50]

This is all under his control.
If he has legal visitation rights with his kids, who cares what she says. If he puts her in her place what difference does it make what she does. She can't get with him unless she lets him.
What he does for this other child is immaterial, this was his doing.
When you take on a man with a baby momma, this is kind of what you get. Tell him to stop relaying all this mess to you, tell him you don't want to hear it.

[ruri0412]

Girl I go through the same thing only me and my man are boutt to be a year together and baby momma is jealous of me and envys me lol its funny yeah it get me angry when she said everything is my fault and this and that but girl trust it was getting me and my man to get in fight and its point less cuasz they always have to talk and everything becausze of the baby let it be and my mans babymomma also tries to get it in wit him and all and tells him to take the baby to the house and pick her up and stuff like that it use to bother me allot but its watever I've learned that if he disrespect me to get wit her and let it happen then he never cared and is nasty and doesn't deserve me... if you keep let her get the best of you and maybe you fight him and if you do keep that up he going to get tired of you and leave well you been together 5yrs but it happens he wants you to be his peace and to a drama as well trust I'm still deallin wit it but I'm learning how to ignore her... goodluck

[mmresd]

If this is your way of ignoring, then you suck at ignoring something. Ignoring baby mama is what you need to do in this case, but actually do it. Be indifferent, you sounds insecure and jealous, just like she says, calm down. This is your guy, and you know what you are signing up for. If you think he is worth it, then just let him deal with her and the kids, and you live your life next to him separate from all the drama. Keep in mind that one day, you might be the second baby mama he has. This is completely your choice though, you either bail now and leave at peace, or sign up to live by him with this drama on the side, because his kids are not going to go away, and it doesn't seem like the baby mama wants to leave either.