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z28girl90 · Dec 26, 2010, 06:58 PM

Me and this guy, are kind of just friends, but sort of not. We became really good friends and drink and party together a lot. When we first started we were just casual friends, then I stayed the night at his house a lot, for about two months nothing happened, we cuddled and kissed but that was it. Then one night we went all out and had sex. We did it 3 times total within a couple weeks. The first time, he stopped after like two minutes saying "the ball is in my court now" because it was sort of a game because when we would both want to do it before I would stop it. Then the second time we went and went and he wanted me to give him head and I said no, so he just stopped. The third and final time we were both super wasted and he said he'd *** too fast and I wouldn't enjoy it, so I just gave him head and called it a day. The second time we did it he said this is the first and last time (we didn't really count our first time). Well, since then when people joke about it, we say we don't do it and he'll joke around and say "She'll fall in love with me" I would say "No i think he's afraid he'll fall in love with me" We would still stay the night together, even spend entire days together just me & him doing couple type things. His friends noticed that he treated me different than any other girls, like his last legit girlfriend that he really cared about and we thought he was afraid of getting hurt again like he did with her. Well, then out of nowhere things got weird between us. Everything was awkward, and I found out he started liking another girl. Naturally I was extremely hurt, but I didn't care. He was still my best friend, which was good enough for me. I just didn't want things to continue to be awkward. But this girl lives two states away so I wasn't too threatened. Well Christmas Eve, I took him and his roommate & his roommate's girlfriend (who are all also my best friends, and we always spend days and nights together the 4 us) their Christmas presents. All I got him were some really nice pillows because he needed some. We ended up watching a movie the four of us. We brought a mattress out in the living room and I laid by him and his roommates girlfriend. He would sort of get close to me, but I thought nothing of it. Well, we all fell asleep then the movie was over and his roommate and his girlfriend went to bed and me and him resituated ourselves and went to sleep. (Even through the awkwardness we slept in the same bed, but on complete separate sides). Well, I would wake up and he'd be holding me, or getting very close to me, then we ended up cuddling, holding each other. It was nice, and I was very happy. Well we're laying there and cuddling, both sort of awake, and hands started wandering and I came on to him. It got frisky, then he started telling me "i was a bad influence" and then would stop and try to stop himself. He would then start up again, and then stop, not letting us have sex, so I gave up. I can't figure out if its because of me, because of the other girl, or (I forgot to mention, I was celibate before I slept with him. I hadn't been with a guy in six months or more, and had got checked in the mean time. And this guy is a bit of a manwhore, and slept with a girl we found out had an STD. I went and got checked and tested positive. I told him, he didn't believe me, then said he did. Well, I found out he then said he didn't have it and wasn't going to get checked. (my friend who has known him for years thinks since he thinks so low of girls he may think I slept with another person. But he should know better because I'm always with him and his friends and he'd hear if I slept with his friend)) so I don't know if the STD thing could be it and he doesn't want to give it to me again.

This is really long. But I don't know how to feel about the whole situation. There has been multiple occurrences where I could tell he wanted to have sex with me, but would stop. Is he afraid he'll fall for me? I'll fall for him even more? Etc.

summer_girl · Dec 26, 2010, 07:21 PM

Unfortunately this doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. I think you should let it go.

quiet_Bob · Dec 26, 2010, 07:33 PM

Have you seen or read "He's just not that in to you"? I think it might apply.

CravenMorhead · Dec 26, 2010, 10:22 PM

Okay. What a tangled web you weave.

You're the woman he is cheating on with the woman out of state. At least he was trying to cheat on his girlfriend with you. This is a mark of his character.

You sound like you're young. Maybe early 20s or late teens. Consider this a life lesson. I would consider, as suggested above, cutting off all contact with him. You're putting yourself in situation consistently where you are tempted and you're tempting him. Stop. Do it now before one of your friends hits you on the nose with a newspaper.

What you doing is personally self-destruction. You are also enabling this very same behaviour in this fellow. Quit it. There are better guys out there. If you don't think so just think about who he is going to diddling around with when you're with him.

Stop this. Safest option

Cat1864 · Dec 27, 2010, 06:29 AM

First, you really expected to have sex with him on a mattress in a living room where his roommate and his girlfriend could come in at any moment and where he probably doesn't have any condoms handy? Even if you are on birth control, until you know for an absolute certainty he has been treated and is clean, play it safe and use a barrier method that will reduce the chance of spreading the STD again.

You say that he is your friend. If so, talk to him. Not his friend. Not a mutual friend. Him. Find out from him what is going on in his mind.

Find out from him if he is actually in a relationship with the girl in another city. If so, be his friend if you want but keep your hands and mouth to yourself. If you can't be a friend and nothing more, walk away and don't look back.

Quite frankly, if you aren't in a relationship with him, it doesn't matter who you have sex with any more than it does who he is playing games with. You can't be unfaithful when there is nothing to be faithful to. Bed Buddies or Friends With Benefits do not get to say who their playmate has fun with.

Honestly, whether you are friends with him or not, you need to get out and meet new people and make more friends. It isn't healthy for you to be so tied to him that you are in a relationship without being in a relationship.

You need your own life to help you find your way out of the confusion. Once you expand your world you may find that your feelings for him aren't what you think they are. You might find that you have been ignoring someone who would like to get to know you better and who might be better suited to be in a relationship with you.

Synnen · Dec 27, 2010, 07:04 AM

You sound like you are 15 years old, and unable to communicate with a man about what is going on between them.

How about the next time you're together, use your mouth for TALKING and keep your HANDS to yourself and actually act like an adult?

If you're old enough to play sex games, you're old enough to be open and honest with the person you're playing with about what's going on in your head.